by Snowboarder 22 Replies latest jw friends

  • Snowboarder

    Yugoslavia is my country and always will be. I miss it, even it fell apart when i was born for me it was something more then a country. It was my motherland it represented peace, and a good future, family, joy. When it fell apart so did the start of falling apart of my life. I miss my country and my family.

    When i visit home it's like I'm free. People speaking the same language, and the food that i love everywhere it's like heaven. I miss my grandparents and expended family. The JW don't want me to have to much contact with them because there not JW brings the war scares out.

    One of the hardest and most painfull events in my life was seeing my grandfather die. We moved to canada, and we could not afford to visit Bosnia. My mom's family would visit my grandma would come to visit every year until we became JW. 1999 to 2001.My dad's side grandpa and grandma never came to visit they were scared of flying. From 2001 i was 9 years old and dad family offered airfare paid for me to visit back-home, my parents never let me visit because they were no JW and they did not want their religious influence effecting me. So years past i would only hear my grandfather on the phone. I missed him from germany,i used to live there before coming to canada, and my grandfather would visit, he came once and that's along story. but i never had a close relationship with him, Then 2006 i was getting baptized the same week my grandfather got cancer and he was going to die. My grandmother was very upset that we did not visit earlier said we have to come if we want to see him for the last time. Writing this is very painful since it feels like yesterday it happened. i was back-home only for one week, but during that week my grandfather was in the hospital and he was losing his memory, but he remember me and said that his last wish was fulfilled to see his grandson, i cried with my grandfather. he was very sick he could hardly move, it's hard writing this, but i miss him everyday. While back in my grandmothers house she told he stories how my grandfather planed to buy skis and teach me to ski, that was his favorite sport. he planed to enter me in races. but that never came true. the war came, then she should be pictures of my grandfather told my pictures the ones we sent showing them to his neighbor. My grandma mentions how he always wanted to have grandchildren and my dad did mention it to. but i guess for me goods things will never come. I wish i could live my life all over again, but this time with out the war. My grandfather even bought for me a dog and he promised me it, but that too never came true. i never told anyone this, but after so many years, it's still hard, what can i say words can't not describe the pain.

  • troubled mind
    troubled mind

    Snowboarder ,I wish I could give you a big motherly hug . I read all your posts ,and think about what your going through , it saddens me deeply your life is and has not been your own . I wish you could have remained in the country you loved and developed a close relationship with your grandparents .

    It is hard for you right now because your young and still dependent upon your parents . My best advice to you is to never lose your focus and desire . One day you WILL be able to pursue your own destiny .....patience ....it will happen for you .

    Continue to vent your feelings here ...it is good to have a release .

  • snowbird

    A big hug for Snowboarder from Snowbird.

    I follow your posts, also, and I feel your pain.

    It WILL get better.

    We're here to listen and help you through this.


    Auntie Syl

  • Satanus

    Sad story.

    'during that week my grandfather was in the hospital and he was losing his memory, but he remember me and said that his last wish was fulfilled to see his grandson, i cried with my grandfather.'

    At least, you had that. Don't know if you believe in the spiritual world. But, many people believe that those to whom they were close become something like guardian angels, on the other side.


  • MrFreeze

    There's nothing like home and family. Sadly, as in your case, many in the JW faith end up losing both for really stupid reasons. I feel for ya man.

  • Snowboarder

    Thanks to everyone that replied, it's not easy, i do wish i could hit that restart button and start all over this time with my country not falling apart, but at least in my dreams i could see my family, when i sleep i'm with them and i see them again, it's hard, very hard and i feel like i can't take it, there is much more to my life going on then i post i have much more problems, tonight was no exception and i just feel, like asking why me, if god does exist why me? what did i do? don't i get a chance to life live happy too, everything to the outsider may seem fine, but it's not i cry in the inside i kept my pain in my heart too long and i can't take it anymore, that's also anther reason why i started to snowboard was to vent out, Well i'm to post a few more times and on my blog too and i'm off to bed, who knows what i'll dream of tonight, at least i have sweet dreams!

  • Broken Promises
    Broken Promises

    Just a thought... have you sought out others from Yugoslavia who may also be living in Canada? Like an ex-pats club?

    I was just wondering if it might help you to talk to others who can understand where you're coming from. And I know there's nothing like being able to speak your native tongue when living in a foreign country.

    My heart goes out to you, my friend. All I can say is I hope it gets better for you.

  • J. Hofer
    J. Hofer

    all of ex-yugoslavias countries will eventually join the european union (there still are some problems to sort out of course). split and join.

  • Snowboarder

    Thanks to all that posted, it's hard to talk to other yugoslavs sometimes, since some of them are older, and their children which are my age are not emotionally attacked to their country as i am. Most are from Serbia, i'm from Bosnia. Serbia did not see the fighting as bosnia did, and many don't care about the war. I'm different i ask to many questions and I'm looking and reading for the true answer what happened to Yugoslavia.

    I have a dream and goal to make a Yugoslavia once again, if not at least to create a modern and functioning country. I want to run for presidency after the Sochi Games. I have many plans for the economy, counties system to totally change everything.

    I know Yugoslavia would be hard to reunite, but for Bosnia there is many things that the government needs to do but does not. Currently idiots are running the country a monkey would do a better job. There is a long list of what needs to be done. Greener Economy, Better education system, Health care, and etc. Also submitting a bid to host the Summer and Winter Olympics. Bosnia is such a beautiful country. Watch this commercial. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELs1sDtZzgs&feature=related.

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    Right now, I am back in a country where my childhood was stolen from me by the cult.

    There is nothing we can do about our past, but we can make ourselves a better future. Keep your eyes on your goals and go for them.

    I don't take religious crap from my parents any more. I question everything they say and chastise them for using dishonest tactics to weasel their way out of answering my questions. No double standards. I demand from them the kind of honesty that they instilled into me.

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