Yugoslavia is my country and always will be. I miss it, even it fell apart when i was born for me it was something more then a country. It was my motherland it represented peace, and a good future, family, joy. When it fell apart so did the start of falling apart of my life. I miss my country and my family.
When i visit home it's like I'm free. People speaking the same language, and the food that i love everywhere it's like heaven. I miss my grandparents and expended family. The JW don't want me to have to much contact with them because there not JW brings the war scares out.
One of the hardest and most painfull events in my life was seeing my grandfather die. We moved to canada, and we could not afford to visit Bosnia. My mom's family would visit my grandma would come to visit every year until we became JW. 1999 to 2001.My dad's side grandpa and grandma never came to visit they were scared of flying. From 2001 i was 9 years old and dad family offered airfare paid for me to visit back-home, my parents never let me visit because they were no JW and they did not want their religious influence effecting me. So years past i would only hear my grandfather on the phone. I missed him from germany,i used to live there before coming to canada, and my grandfather would visit, he came once and that's along story. but i never had a close relationship with him, Then 2006 i was getting baptized the same week my grandfather got cancer and he was going to die. My grandmother was very upset that we did not visit earlier said we have to come if we want to see him for the last time. Writing this is very painful since it feels like yesterday it happened. i was back-home only for one week, but during that week my grandfather was in the hospital and he was losing his memory, but he remember me and said that his last wish was fulfilled to see his grandson, i cried with my grandfather. he was very sick he could hardly move, it's hard writing this, but i miss him everyday. While back in my grandmothers house she told he stories how my grandfather planed to buy skis and teach me to ski, that was his favorite sport. he planed to enter me in races. but that never came true. the war came, then she should be pictures of my grandfather told my pictures the ones we sent showing them to his neighbor. My grandma mentions how he always wanted to have grandchildren and my dad did mention it to. but i guess for me goods things will never come. I wish i could live my life all over again, but this time with out the war. My grandfather even bought for me a dog and he promised me it, but that too never came true. i never told anyone this, but after so many years, it's still hard, what can i say words can't not describe the pain.