by varian 23 Replies latest jw friends
now i met this nice woman on the net. its a six hour cardrive away. due to my employment, there is no way i could give up my position and just move to her. so the only option would be, that she`ll come to my town. i really don´t know if she´ll have the guts to do such a dramatic change. after all, she has all her relatives and friends there. she would feel pretty lonely i guess while i´m at work.
it´s giving me sleepless nights.
what can i do?
sure! relationships are complicated but all sorts have worked and all sorts have failed. Distance is just one obstical or you don't even need to view it as a bad thing. It is just part of your relationship. I spend 1/2 the week away from my man and though I wish I could spend every night with him, it works for us.
Be patient and see how she solves the problem.
Other than that, for sleep I recommend four caps of Gabapentin - one hour before bedtime.
I'll send you a bill.
I presume you've met her in person and visited her and she's visited you? What's the rush? I have noticed a trend towards people forming very rapid relationships on the net and they have hardly spent anytime with the other person before talk turns to moving in together. That's stupid,stupid, stupid. Get to know her better, spend time together. Hell, 6 hours is nothing compared t0 a lifetime with a person.
If you've yet to meet her in person, talking about the difficulties in either of you moving is too premature.
thank you very much for your comments!
no, i´m not in a rush. but sometimes i can´t get in touch with her, and i start thinking all types of bad things.
i got a job to concentrate at work, and i constantly checking my emails or text messages on the cell phone. its just tough not knowing how things will develope.
imaging giving up your your friends, parants and relatives, and to start a new life in a new town. i could imagine that being a turnoff for lots of people.
as i said, there is no way for me to leave my place due to my work.
Thinking all sorts of bad things is going to guarantee you screw it up. Go with it, if it works, fine, if it doesnt, well, it doesn't
I met my wife on JWD. She lived damn near an entire continent away. We are proof positive it works. We have been together now for 8 years, have 2 kids, and could not be happier. Don't get me wrong, the distance is hard, and eventually one of you will have to blink, move to the other and deal with it. That said, again, we are proof positive. Any relationship takes work and commitment, and to be honest, a long distance one is just a tad more work, nothing major though if you are both on the same page and have the same timelined goals.
sounds like your in love.............. she prolly feels exactly as you do, she might want to move in with you and she may be scared to tell you because she doesn't want to seem to forward. Just talk it over, be honest. If your awake thinkin about her, she prolly awake thinkin of you 2............ thats at least my opinion and how things seemed to go for me and my wife before we got married.
avishai and everyone.......
...thank you so much.....honestly. its just a mindbugging thing. i´m just so freakin in love, that i don´t know what to think next.......but you´re right, avishai, if it doesn´t work out, then just carry on. but one thing is for sure: i´ll try to avoid far distant contacts. it can be extremely nerveracking.....
This is my predicament now, only mine is about a day and a half's drive away. I was already thinking about moving to his state before we met, it just so happens that I met him and it clinched it. We have been through so much together, even over the distance. Now it's just a matter of waiting until June *sigh*.
Surprisingly, I took a more leisurely approach to this relationship than with all of my past relationships. I used to be like you. I'd worry if I hadn't heard from the guy all day, whether it was through text, phone, email, IM, whatever. I'd panic. What if he stopped liking me? What if he found someone else? Holy hell, what if something happened to him??!! My man and I started out as friends. He sent me a private message after I responded on one of the threads he commented on...he liked my response and wanted to be friends. Okay, sure. I'm not one to go for a younger guy, but okay (it's only by two years). We started chatting and it ended up being HOURS of back and forth that first day. The next day, we exchanged numbers, and a few days later he asked me to to be his girlfriend. It wasn't serious at first. He was scared to even THINK about me moving down there. It took a couple of months for him to even consider it. He was confused because he felt strongly and didn't know why. It scared him. Scared me, too.
Fast forward to now, and it's going great. I talk about him a lot on here, I know...Everything makes me think of him, a lot of times the things we discuss on here are things he and I have discussed. I just love him so much and have never had such a laid back and comfortable relationship. That's exactly what it is...comfortable...content. He lets me be myself, whether I'm being silly, serious, humorous, bitchy...he loves all of it. He's the first man who has never asked me to change something about myself. We have differences of opinion and we can talk through it without yelling, without arguing, without getting mad at each other. We banter back and forth, we have debates, we challenge each other to broaden our thinking... He's my best friend. We talk every day, text when we're not working or sleeping or going about our daily lives, just talk about everything and nothing.
I would say bringing up her moving to you would depend on how long you've been together. I was in a LDR a couple of years ago and he kept saying he'd move to where I was, but he kept putting it off. I went to visit him and asked if it would be feasible for me to move there...he said it wasn't a good place for me. So, yeah. He couldn't make up his mind what he wanted. If your relationship is solid and you both have expressed love for each other, there's no reason you can't have a mature discussion about someone moving eventually. Until then, there's always vacations and weekend trips, etc.
