How much do you truly believe you would enjoy living in a perfect world? Paradise...

by stillstuckcruz 29 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • kurtbethel
    kurtbethel

    "Nice fruit brother Thackery is growing at his place." (Everyone grows nice fruit. No one ever grows bad fruit.)

    "There was sure a lot of bodies we had to bury at the rubble of the mall."

    "These mangoes are the best ever!"

    "I broke my shovel yesterday by that fallen overpass."

    "This is wonderful to get cherries and kiwi to grow in the same place."

    "The stench from that Baptist church was horrible. Too bad all those people had false religion."

    "I never had such delicious melons in the old system."

    "My lion is bigger than yours!"

    ZAP!

  • clarity
  • clarity
    clarity

    Or this one?

    Warning - This is scarey!

    http://www.1timothy4-13.com/files/bible/diary.html

    clarity

  • clarity
  • stillstuckcruz
    stillstuckcruz

    @Clarity: that diary is VERY interesting. I would be so scared to make a mistake in the paradise. I'm not sure how the JW's believe it to be(because I never pay attention) but do they feel you would NEVER sin at all? And if you did, would you be instantly ejected from Paradise? Not sure how that works.

    Too many variables and factors in making the New System(NS). If your hours aren't good enough...would you make it? It you have a bad attitude...would you make it? If you are the perfect witness but you have a grudge against one person in your hall...would you make it? If you missed too many meetings...would you make it? If you were the perfect witness, but you kept a dirty house,...would you make it? I would never feel good enough. That's what the JW's cause you to think, even if not aloud.

  • Farkel
    Farkel

    nugget,

    Clarity posted an article I wrote 10 years ago. But here is one I wrote about two years ago.

    Is this the one you might be thinking about? It's much more fun than the older one. Even if it isn't, you'll get the point:

    http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/170686/1/Satan-Takes-a-Trip

    Farkel

  • RADHESYAM
    RADHESYAM

    I think the whole concept of living a DUB lieftyle for even the 1000 years is the most daunting hell i can imagine

    id prefer eternity under the taliban

  • clarity
    clarity

    Farkel .........just spewed my coffee reading this. You should hold yourself back a little when composing these things .... geez I almost choked!! lol

    >

    "Satan: "What do you mean by the last rule?"

    Dad: "Well, since sex is only for procreation, we can only have sex to procreate. To ensure that this happens, all sex must be performed in the presence of a Judicial Committee and any sexual position or foreplay not approved by the Governing Body will result in death. By stoning. The Committee grades the sex on the "Publishers Sexual Report Card. 'G' is for Good, 'N' is for Need to Improve, and 'W' is for Weird. Anyone who gets a 'W' is stoned to death."

    Satan: "How would one get a "need to improve'' grade.?"

    Dad: "By making the sex last longer than 2 minutes. Ten 'N's" within 1,000 years and you're dead. If we can get it down to 45 seconds, we get a 'G', though".

    Satan: "What must one do to get a "W" or 'Weird' grade?"

    Dad: "Lots of things: moaning, calling out for God, saying "yes, YES, YES", and any position other than "missionary style" will all result in punishment. Every sexual act is recorded on video and put into the publisher's permanent record. Two 'W's" and you're dead."

    Satan: "Wow. That's pretty intense. Are you happy living in Paradise?"

    >

    clarity

  • AGuest
    AGuest

    That is still hilarious, dear Daddy-O (the greatest of love and peace to you!), even the second time around!! You know my favorite part: stoning of the "anointed." I was going to say, when you first posted it (but thought better of it), that perhaps Satan "tempts" those people to "go against" the GB (you know, since they consider themselves all "holy" and all). Anyway, classic "Farkel-y" stuff!

    Peace, dear one!

    YOUR servant, friend, and a slave of Christ,

    SA

  • watersprout
    watersprout

    Hahahaha! Farkel thats brilliant! Had me chuckling....

    Peace Sprout

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