Never thought I’d be cursing out my Df’d Dad

by lil.lady.03 32 Replies latest jw friends

  • lil.lady.03
    lil.lady.03

    Why oh why oh why????

    See my dad is df’d. he’s been df’d all my life. He got df’d a year before I was born. For 25yrs he has been on the “outs” with the WTS. My mom who is still active raised my brother and me alone in the truth. They divorced when I was 3yrs old.

    Yet, he thinks very much like a typical elder; A BIG OL’HYPOCRITE! Idk what rank and file my dad had, but the conversation I just had with him last night, you’d think he’s on the GOV body.

    This ol hypocrite had the nerve to call me at 11pm right before bed to tell me I’m not in my proper place?? Excuse me?

    Since I have a world boyfriend - who is the worst of the worst according to him because he was in the US army directly under Satan’s control-I’m falling into the clutches of the devil and his mechanisms? What?

    And he proceeded to tell me my relationship will not last. It’ll be over in six months flat. I will be left by him and on my ass out in the cold. And since I’m so dumb, I will pregnant soon, and the guy will be long gone.

    WTF???

    Please understand I hardly see me dad; haven’t seen him in person in two years, just phone calls here and there. He lives pretty far, but this past Sunday he came to visit my older brother and I. Well just like the typical dead-beat dad that he has proven to be, he didn’t call to say whether or not he was coming. Well being the adult I am I made plans with my boyfriend and left. But surprise, surprise he did show up; however I was already gone.

    I get back home around 11pm or so because I had to get ready for work. My dad is still at OUR house. He looked me up and down; I say hello and hug him; and that’s about it. I go to bed.

    The whole basis of his phone call was tell me on that day when I came home, I had looked like I had been f*cking all afternoon. I looked wild. I looked dead in the eyes. My hair was all crazy. He could see how deplorable my life is now because I left the truth?

    O….M…G

    I had been walking all day. My boyfriend lives in the city. We walk everywhere or take public transportation. I was tired from a fun-filled day. And no, actually we hadn’t had any relations that day because we didn’t have time.

    I asked where he gets the audacity to speak to me that way. He said, “I’m your dad.”

    I said, “I don’t give a f*ck who you are. You do not speak to me that way.

    He said, “Someone has to put you in your place. You think you are a princess. Ain't no princesses in my family. Nobody is setting you straight. Everybody is letting you do what you want. I’m going to tell you what’s going to happen to you!’

    I was livid!! I turned into Incredible Hulk!!! I went off on him. I have never, ever, ever cursed anyone out. NEVER!

    I can’t remember everything. I kind of blacked out.

    Only thing I remember him saying was that he is going to be the one who told me so. He never wants to meet my boyfriend and I need to go to the elders and get denounced the right way. I

    Today I feel so sad. I cried. I cursed out my own father? Who does that? My mom said I should have just hung up the phone in his face.

    I do believe you’re supposed to honor your father and mother, but he had no right to speak to me like that. I kept asking him, how does he know that my relationship is going to fail. What evidence does he have? Why can’t he see I’m happy just living my life? He couldn’t respond to that at all.

    He kept saying I’m making the worst decision ever, and I will regret it. I’ll be begging to sit back in the kingdom hall. That I’m really not happy and I will suffer all the consequence. He even went on to say HE doesn’t wasn’t to speck to ME?!!

    I’m beyond angry. I’m beyond hurt. I can’t wrap my head around him. I can’t understand how my own father would say such negative things to me. Especially trying to get all holy since HE IS DISFELLOWSHIPED?!

    What a douche bag. He’s dead to me now. Esp since he getting all high and mighty. He even said he’s going trying to go meeting now, because I’m messing up. He’s really dead to me.

  • lil.lady.03
    lil.lady.03

    Argh! I just had to vent. I really appricate this place for he sounding board that it is. I know I don't post a lot.

    I just read a lot of posts and experiences. But is great knowing someone else has probaby gone through it.

  • lovelylil
    lovelylil

    ((lillady)), so sorry you had to go thru that. I don't blame you for being so angry with your father. What a horrible thing he said to you. Your dad sounds like he is a little mentally unbalanced. Was he drinking or something?

    Sounds like he is one of those that is out of the tower but still in fear of armegeddon coming. Maybe he hopes he can run back into the organization if he sees any signs of the system's imminent end? He is definately still in fear of the WT that is for sure. He seems like a man acting in fear.

    You were right to stand up to yourself. For years I took verbal abuse from my father (not a JW), and finally when I was in my 20's and married with my first child, I stood up to him. I told him, like you did that I was an adult and he could not speak to me in a disrespectful way anymore. So kudos for you for defending yourself.

    Again, I am sorry you went thru this. Peace, Lilly

  • Mad Sweeney
    Mad Sweeney

    Don't beat yourself up. He asked for it.

    He's probably trying to make up for being such a crappy father all your life by piling 25 years worth of advice on you all at once. That is HIS issue, not your problem.

    All that said, it is sad how powerful the cult mind control is, even over someone DFd and out of the Borg for more than a quarter of a century. I'm sorry for him in a way. At least you know what you got out of. He's deluded enough to still believe it's the truth.

    It kind of explains the recent PEW numbers in USA Today that showed three times as many people called themselves JWs as the Watchtower counts as actual JWs. You've got twice as many inactives and DFd as there are active publishers in the USA and sadly, many of those still believe "it's the truth."

  • White Dove
    White Dove

    Oh yeah, I've experienced the holier than thou inactive (in my case) father.

    He never went to meetings although he was baptized at age 12.

    Then, when I mess up or just do normal but non-JW things, he goes on a tangent of how I'm leading my kids down into destruction.

    Makes me sick! Hypocrite.

    He and I used to be buddies but kept me under his thumb for too long.

    I move far far away, and he knew why.

    It was both parents that did the guilt trips until I had enough.

    Since I moved away, I've been able to have a life of my own and a limited but usually positive relationship with my dad.

    When he gets all preachy and excited, I can vent about it here and then ignore it, because he doesn't live here.

    My mom never calls or writes.

    I don't blame you at all for losing it with your dad.

    Respect and honor must go both ways, or not at all.

    Next time, maybe you can just hang up when it gets to be too much.

    I would caution about completely burning that bridge with your dad, though.

    You never know how life will play itself out.

  • lil.lady.03
    lil.lady.03

    @lovelylil:Ya know I was wondering the same thing. But he was sober.

    After thinkign about it, I think he is unbalanced mentally. He called me @ 11pm and sounded as if he just had to get all this stuff of his chest. No hello, how was your day; nothing. Just went in on me. Maybe it is gult, I don't know. His life situation isn't the best. The last couple of years have been hard for him. I really want to understand what would cause to go off like that, but then again I do not.

    I even ask him, how come he doesn't ever ask me about I'm doing with school or work? Why does always pick an issue about my relationship. He dwells on that. Its makes me sick to think about what HE might be thinking about me and my boyfriend.

    But I firmly agree that the cult mind control is holding a tihght grip on him. He said I will alwausbe a JW. i don't care how long its been. Smh

    And I don't want to burn all bridges with him. Just close the bridge and reopen it at some much later time

  • White Dove
    White Dove

    Projecting, maybe?

    Maybe it's not about you at all.

    Maybe it's about him and his thoughts and actions in his own life.

    Just guessing.

    My dad is bi-polar.

  • lil.lady.03
    lil.lady.03

    @white dove: Yeah I asked him that too. Its all coming back to me now in bits. I asked him if he was prjecting his life onto mine? He didn't answer. Just ranted on and on.

    Maybe that's what it is?

  • cyberjesus
    cyberjesus

    mind control. just bcuz he is out doesnt mean he is deprogrammed. he must be dying of guilt inside

  • doofdaddy
    doofdaddy

    "After thinkign about it, I think he is unbalanced mentally".

    You got it in one......

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