I have received two visits from car-groups this week and am trying not to freak out. I think it is because the CO's visit is coming up. I have been home-but-hiding both times. Can I keep this up? What if they call to ask if they can bring by the CO? How many phone-calls and doorbell rings can be ignored before they either leave us alone or get more persistent?
I wish I could say this was the first time in my life I have been HBH when the JW's call, but it's not. Even though I am a 4th generation JW, I actually hid from them when I was a kid. My mother was an invalid, my father was a removed elder. The elders in the congregation would call to "encourage" my mother whenever my dad would ask for privileges for him or his sons. The elders would call to find out if our house was still a mess. When they would find the inevitable clutter because my dad worked full time, my mom was bed-ridden, and us kids were trying to take care of her and didn't know any better, they would call a meeting with my dad and his sons, tell them they were pigs and unworthy of Jehovah's love, and dismiss their requests to handle the mikes or answer at the meetings.
So, one day, I was about 12 and considering suicide because of the way we were always treated at the KH, when an elder showed up with some flowers for my mother. I looked out the curtains to see him standing on the porch and, God help me, I didn't let him in. Even though he had flowers for my mom, all I could think was how he would use the condition of our house to pummel my dad and brothers. At 12 I decided the lesser of the two evils was to pretend no one was there to let him in.
I have felt guilty about that ever since. Now I have come full circle and am HBH because I don't want their help, or their condemnation. I just want to be left alone.