Considered rebellious because I choose to think for myself

by LovelyEunie 29 Replies latest jw friends

  • LovelyEunie

    Hi all, this is my first post. But I was one of those kids that was born into the whole JW thing, and like a good little witness kid I did everything I was supposed to do to please my parents (mainly my mom my dad's an unbeliever). My mom was very strict with me when it came to everything they taught, no holiday parttys at school, no sports, no worldy friends, I was only supposed to associate with other JW kids (my mom is one of those extremist JWs, she says she doesn't judge, but she's a perfect example of one one of those sisters with the holier than thou attitude). Yeah, all those kids in the KH were horrible to me, they treated me like I was scum, they chose to basically ignore my existence, and my mom could see that, but since she was comfortable with the KH, I had to suffer while she had all of her good friends around her. Some people on the outside were mean to me but I had better luck with people on the 'outside' than I ever did with people on the 'inside'. But I still tried to be a good little JW kid despite the treatment. I remember this one time I chose to sit in on a valentines day party because I was tired of feeling left out of everything, but when I got home I had to pay the ultimate price with a spanking because ' I allowed myself to be drawn in by satan's crafty acts'. To this day I feel like I didn't deserve to get spanking over that. My mom knew how much of an outcast I was, just being a JW kid just made it worse. Anyway, I think by the time I got to high school is when I began to change. I remember sitting in the KH one sunday, and the topic for the watchtower study was to 'avoid indepentdent thinking'. I couldn't understand why they would tell us that we needed to do this when in the bible it says that God didn't want us to be mindless drones, he wanted us to think and understand things for ourselves, and also that he wanted us to question anything and everything as to gain the proper understanding of things. This is when I started seeing problems with everything. This was when I was beginning to deprogram myself to stop thinking like my mom did on everything (if it's not associated with JW's then it's bad and will be destroyed). There's a bunch of their teachings I strongly disagree with, homosexuality and things they try to teach us young people about going to college, being the main points I hate. But I digress, now I'm 18 and I have been labelled as being a rebellious teen by my mother and other JW relatives because I chose to not be apart of the WTS. I want to have some type of freedom in my life, I want to be able to experience things I was ever allowed to experience because I was always told it's bad in God's eyes. There is more to my story but, what wanted to know is, were there any of you guys who were labelled as having a rebellious spirit because you chose to do your thinking on your own and chose your freedom over having the WTS telling you what you're allowed to think or do when it comes to your life?

  • Robdar

    Our stories are almost exactly the same. About the only difference between them is that I opened the Valentine's Day cards that were given to me by my class (I, of course, did not give any to my classmates). I was so upset on the way home from school I started crying. I just knew my parents were going to beat me which, to their credit, they did not do. As a matter of fact, I never got any slack from them regarding the matter. I guess they thought my Bible trained conscience had disciplined me more than they could have. Anyway, I'm digressing....

    I was the perfect JW kid. Never got into any trouble, minded my manners, and studied all the publications. I didn't associate with worldly kids but had no friends in the cong either. Afterall, what JW teenager would want to associate with such, according to the elders, "good association?" I was so very lonely. Still, I had my art and my own imagination to keep me company.

    My parents, dad in particular, always wanted me to be an independent thinker. That is until I stopped thinking like him and the rest of the congregation. At 18 years of age, I just couldn't stomach the WTS teachings any longer. I remember having long talks with my father about it. My parents became quite concerned and labled me as rebellious. And you bet I was rebellious.

    A few months later I quit going out in service and started avoiding meetings. Fortunately for me, I had a job at that time and could sometimes use it as an excuse not to attend. After I stopped attending the meetings, suddenly I started getting invitations to join in the witness outings. There, with other JWs at a skating rink, I met my future worldly husband. Ha, I still laugh when I think of the scandal it caused. Although he and I are no longer married, I willl always remember my exhusband fondly because he encouraged me to rebel even more.

    And now I want to encourage you to rebel a little more. If you don't believe it is the truth, then leave. Do not be stronged armed into believing something that you do not really believe. Nevermind what others may think of you or what they may tell you. Get out as soon as you can. You will be so glad you did. And, believe it or not, your parents will probably get over it. Mine did although it took them about 20 years.

    Good luck to you, you little rebel.


  • Robdar

    Oh, and one more post to welcome you to the forum. I think you will like it here.

  • truthseekeriam

    Welcome to the forum LovelyEunie.

    I think anyone who thinks on their own is considered rebellious by the WTS.

    They like to have control over everything you think and do.

    I hope you stick around, you'll learn alot from many here who love to think on their own

  • nolongerwaiting


    I was never rebellious and easily scandalized at a hint of naughty. Seeing an R movie...OMG. Some one dressed "worldy", and I would be looking down my nose. What a self righteous moron I was. Who knows what my family thinks of me now. Probably rebellious and evil. Oh well, I feel so much better mentally then I ever did before. Besides, the more my family shuns me is having the opposite effect then what they think it is. LOL.

    I'm really glad that you are thinking for yourself!!! I wish I had been that person back in my teenage years.

    NLW's wife

  • Joliette

    Yep, wants you start thinking for yourself, your a rebel, a badass, an apostate, an anti-christ.

    But the thing is, The Watchtower is the most anti-christ organization out there.


  • Nice_Dream

    It's only natural to think for yourself, unless you're in a controlling religion. I was like you when I was a child too. One of the worst things I did was cave in and help my classmates carve a pumpkin at Halloween, and I prayed to be forgiven for over a year because I committed such a horrible mistake (I think I was in Grade 4).

    You're brave to think for yourself! Continue on your journey. I was 16 when I started having doubts, and I waited 10 years to finally admit them to myself. In the meantime I was driving myself miserable trying to be a perfect JW, while still being mistreated by my JW "friends." Being an outcast amongst the Witnesses didn't stop once I became an adult. But now I have regular "worldly" friends who are super nice and normal! Wish I had left sooner.

  • Lozhasleft

    Hello and welcome to you.

    Loz x

  • nugget

    welcome. It is a tough break to be born in to a cult.

  • Band on the Run
    Band on the Run

    Reading these posts has me in tears. Please, I am so deferential and not assertive. I am no rabble rouser. If anything, I should have pursued mediation since I like pleasing people. Yet I was the scum rebel. I, too, wanted desperately to have a single friend at KH. My KH was black and I am white. In fact, I prayed for it. The isolation was unbearable. We lived in an ethnic Roman Catholic neighborhood. I paid a heavy price.

    My mom abandoned JW as soon as I refused to go and told her I would get a court order if she made me. It was strange. Much of it I don't understand to this day. She was expelled from high school for the flag salute. Many of her close friends went to prison. Yet we were raised with all these bourgeois values. From the time I could understand, I wept for her loss. I loved her and her dream was to teach or design fashion. She had very low self esteem, even worse than me. Yet when she had the choice to make, I could not do things --unless no Witnesses were around. She always warned me about not investing much in Armageddon. She was traumatized when friends sold all their assets and were ruined.

    I was typed as a field marshal on the Meyers-Brigg test.

    I did not dance, party, etc. Few kids would play with us b/c we had no toys. Yet we got toys all year so who cares about Christmas.

    I am essentially myself. Rebelious or deferential? A value judgment.

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