guys and gals keep it coming I want to hear more. And also does anyone agree with the feeling of anticipation of something momentous that JWs gave you? (I don't mind being made fun of either)
I understand what you say when you love that anticipation of something momentous. But I don't think it is based on anything real. The problem with looking forward to a "paradise" is that it devalues what you have now. The problem with always feeling this place is on the edge of destruction, is that you won't engage and live. Who wants to go down with the ship? It cheapens life. It's fine to die for your religion, because there is a better life, a "real life" ahead. Only, there is not.
I have replaced hope of living forever with a gratefulness for today. I am so happy I woke up in time to value this life before it is gone. I woke in time to look around at the wonders, and not simply wait for armeggedon to fully enjoy it. I hope every day I learn something new and that I leave something good behind.
I think that belief in god, and great emphasis on the future robs us of so much. All these "worldly" people that were not good enough to be my friends---now fascinate me. The pressure to always be "separate" darkened my every day and my every interaction with fellow humans. The privilege to make my own decisions and judgements, and to have confidence in them has matured me. I woke up in time! Each day is so much more precious to me now. I don't have to wait anymore. I can love it all just the way it is.
I used to hope in the paradise, but only enough to make me terrified that I wouldn't make it in. I imagined the day. All of my family are dead, my daughter, my brothers, my aunts and uncles. Dead, killed by a loving god. Of course, I would be exultant, because I was alive. But wait, a secret sin? Something I had overlooked? Something I had not taken to the elders? Lights out.
I no longer strive for a future with the knowledge that my daughter won't gain the same. As a mother, I want my child to always have something better than me! It plagued my conscience terribly to reach for something better than I could not give to her. She didn't want my religion. Would I have to watch her die?
Then people I loved kept getting disfellowshipped. Each time was like a punch in the stomach. Only Witnesses in good standing get into paradise. But I LOVE them, what if they don't fix it in time? I know a woman that committed adultery. She had never seriously sinned before, and there were many problems that led up to this. She went to EVERY meeting, but it was STILL SIX YEARS before they reinstated her. And the entire time, all who loved her had to worry that armegeddon would come and she would be destroyed. And she had to worry, because she wasn't sitting in that seat at every meeting for nothing. She still believed.
The paradise hope is destructive. I hope I can be well enough one day to go back to work. I hope I will one day be paid for my writing. I hope I continue to work toward my degree. I DO NOT HOPE for that vile fairytale that suppresses the hopers with anxiety and pain, and drains the joy from today.
Being an atheist does not take away the beauty, it makes it more precious.