J-dub elders throwing a wrench in funeral services for my nephew

by mimimimi 40 Replies latest jw friends

  • Scully

    To deny access to the Memorial Service™ that the suicide victim's relatives would find comfort in during the raw, fresh pain of grief is just cruel. Who the f*ck do they think they are, judging the appropriateness of whether to offer the KH to these family members... don't they say they believe that it is up to Jehovah™ to judge individuals? Denying a suicide victim a Memorial Service™ is strong evidence that they want to do judging all on their own, rather than Wait On Jehovah™ like they tell the people they like to torment and bully all the time.

    I'd rather have a Memorial Service at a funeral home. That way, the family can decide to honor and remember their loved one in an appropriate way, rather than have his tragic - and obviously painfully chosen - death used as yet another opportunity for the JWs to turn it into a WTS Infomercial fiasco.

  • jamiebowers

    It sounds like the elders are trying to get your sister to decide on using a place other than the kh, which is a good thing. I'm so sorry you're going through this and even sorrier that a 22-year old baby saw life as too painful to live. What a tragedy!

  • Listener

    I read a couple of the posts and I can't read anymore, I am just so saddened. The elders should look very closely at their conscience together with the bible. The wages for sin is death, what allows them to judge outside this arrangement? What don't they understand, don't respect and don't acknowledge from God's arrangements? If a JW have asked them to do a memorial in the KH then they could respect this and could deliver a fine witness if they so chose. They could reflect on the future that may be in store for the deceased and the hardships facing people who live in this world. All would be able to attend regardless of being disfellowshipped. Disfellowshipped persons are allowed to attend any KH meeting.

    I am so sorry that the funeral arrangements must be just an added difficulty and demonstration of hatred in what is already such a horrible time.

  • GLTirebiter

    Mimimimi, I offer my condolences for your loss. I hope your family can arrange a respectful memorial service for your nephew, with or without the assistance of the Watchtower Society.

    It's disgusting that the elders feel entitled to slander even the dead. By refusing to allow the service at the Kingdom Hall, they proclaim to the entire congregation that the deceased did something evil. Such a "loving arrangement"!

  • mimimimi

    Well, one of the elders came to talk with my sister last night and told her that if they allowed the KH for my nephew's funeral, then they would be expected to allow the KH for other suicide funerals. My other sister, who is not a JW, told him that she thought they were giving a very bad witness. Also he told my sister that whoever she asked to do the funeral would have to do research in order to decide if their conscience would let them do the funeral. So at this point, my sister (Carol) is going to ask our brother (Melvin) if he will do the service. One of the sisters in her congregation, who is a very loving, non-judgmental sister, is going to get a community hall to have a meal and Carol is going to talk to Melvin about whether they should do a funeral "talk" at the place where they have the meal or at the funeral home. I said to her that there may be people who will want to go to the funeral home who would not go to the meal and she said that's true. He passed away Monday and here we are on Wednesday with no decisions made, just still questions.

  • brotherdan

    Do these elders not have a heart? This really shows the depth of the cult mentality. It breaks my hear that they can be so cruel and heartless. Scully used the term "suicide victim" and that is so true. Anyone that thinks that they have no other way out but to kill themselves is a victim. The hurt and pain that they must experience must be intense. And for the elders to compound the situation by not allowing it in the Hall is to put more shame on the family.

    There is NO scripture that has ANYTHING to do with this. This is purly the WT trying to make themselves look good. It makes me sick.

  • troubled mind
    troubled mind

    What makes this worse to me is that you are being subject to the local Elders interpetation of Watchtower rules

    In my area two young JW's in the past six yrs have committed suicide . One had a memorial service at a funeral home with an Elder as the speaker . The other had a Kingdom Hall memorial with two Elders giving the service . In both cases it was stated the deceased was clearly depressed and took their life out of desperation, and that we must realize they had an illness . Witness family connection also played a part I am sure . The first family had no other witness relatives .The second one had half the congregation related to him and many of the servants were relation .

    I hope your nephew gets a respectful service no matter where it is held . My sympathy goes out to you and his family . It is so difficult when someone dies this way ,and you are left wishing you could have done something for them .

  • laverite


    Everything about this is so very sad. I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through. What the elders are doing is so wrong. With all the WT legalistic rules about EVERYTHING, they just can't see the forest for the trees. (((((((((((Hugs and love to you and your family))))))))))))))))

  • BluesBrother

    So they fear that if they do one, they will have to bury all the suicides ! How many are they expecting in their congregation? Is it a regular event? !

    That 2002 article is one that may be read in two ways, according to the heart of the elder who is asked to consider it.. If they want to conduct it they can see these statements

    Wt 02 6/15 p31

    "Another important factor is that of mental and emotional disorders that are involved in many suicides. These can really be called suicide victims.

    There is one more aspect to consider: How do people in the community view suicide and the death of the person? This is especially of concern to the elders, who are interested in the reputation of the local congregation of Jehovah’s Witnesses".

    Of course if they don't , they can find negative points too.

    To me it reads...Yes . Elders are free to conduct the funeral but if they think the local community would be outraged (Unlikely in our World) they could decline.

    Very sorry for your loss mimimimi

  • OnTheWayOut

    I think it's good that the elders were upholding a rigid view of their rules. It might help some JW's to see that.
    I know that's tough when people are dealing with a tragedy, but in the long run it may help them to see the light on that.

    So at this point, my sister (Carol) is going to ask our brother (Melvin) if he will do the service.

    Now try to encourage an actual eulogy of the young man, more than a quick summary. He can still do his WT commercial, but his hands are not tied to Kingdom Hall rules. Even an actual eulogy doesn't have to be long. Try to encourage at least 15 minutes of what he meant to people or invite a couple of loved ones to say something.

Share this