Hi, I am Grandma Jones sister. I have been a naughty girl lately. I have missed an entire month of meetings and have no FS time for November or December. No one has called and asked how I am. I am going to try to slip away quietly. I have heard that the elders only have time to help those who really deserve their help. So maybe I can drift away unnoticed. I go to what is known as a critical care congregation. (They only care when it's critical.)
The trouble all started in school. Our mother became inactive. My sister and I were seen as unfit association inside the congregation, but we were not allowed to associate with worldly kids, or if we did, we were made to feel guilty about it. In 7th grade, I announced to my mother that I was in love with a Catholic boy in school and was going to marry him when I was older and become a Catholic. After all, the Catholic's are the largest Christian denomination and I thought they must be right. She shreeked at me. "Do you want to have to kiss the pope's toe? That's what they do?" Anyway, she immediately contacted the elders who arranged for me to study with a pioneer sister who was about 15 years older than I was. She was a dry person, didn't fix herself up, was fat and super theocratic. She didn't enjoy studying with me, I didn't enjoy studying with her. Anyway, I got in with the young crowd and got baptised at 17.
To make a long story short, I married a ministerial servant who, if I wasn't a JW, I probably would not have even considered even dating him. My mother forced me to go out with him after hearing from her friends that he was "a momma's boy." Since my parents were controlling, marriage sounded like a good option.
Well, my husband was a good JW, no education, low income, had to work 2 jobs. I had to work 6 days a week in addition, cleaning of course, I wasnt sent to college. He became an elder and we were considered the perfect couple. We had a daughter and of course, she was reading the Bible Story Book at 4.
The marriage fell apart because of his severe depression. He stepped down from being an elder at my insistance. I got an unscriptural divorce. The elders came over with the bound volumes stacked under both arms and I just cried and sobbed and told them it would be of no use. I didn't love my husband.
I tried to stay strong in the truth, but when I went to the Hall, everyone shot me dirty looks. I was shunned. I had to choice. I couldn't take it so I found me a worldly man and got DF'd.
I married a worldly man who turned out to be a severe alcoholic. I got reinstated but my husband divorced me because I was constantly trying to convert him to JW and was always begging him to quit smoking and drinking. After the divorce, he would call me and beg me to go back. Since we were not scripturally divorced, I went to the elders for advice. They told me that I should go back with my husband, my alcoholic, abusive husband who had made passes at my teenage daughter. Surpise! The second time around didn't work out and he divorced me again, stating the "you need a Jehovah boy."
Alone at 40, I noticed a brother at the Hall who had a son but no momma for him. He was charming and friends with all the elders. We dated JW style. We were never alone, not for 5 minutes. We only saw each other in groups, I'm not kidding.
The first week we were married it became painfully apparent that not only was he totally impotent, he was secretly smoking, admitted to me that he was schizophrenic. He heard voices telling him to shoot people. Eventually, after being a good JW wife, not wanting yet another marriage to break up, I went to the elders for help. They didn't believe a word I said. This man was their friend and fishing buddy. They told me I could get df'd for slander!
Eventually, he started to hint around that he wanted to murder me. He had guns in the house and would load them in front of me. He hit me and I called the cops. I got in trouble with the elders over this. They said "next time call us, we will handle this." I was evidentally bringing shame on Jehovah's name. Well, I had enough and my daughter and I moved out. I filed for divorce after only 9 months of marriage and the elders persecuted me to no end.
They didn't want me to divorce him. They wanted to handle the property settlement. They told me I was vengefull and aggressive because I took my furniture and dishes that I had before we were married. They told me I could discuss this with no one, not even my mom, sister or other family members. I had no support system at all. This will cause devisions in the congregationI was so genuinely scared of this man, I put chairs in front of my doors for 4 yrs. To top it off, I asked if when I commented if they could use my old name instead of my married name and they said no. I stopped commenting. I decided I wasn't going to get spiritually ill over this and signed up to auxillary pioneer, even though I had a daughter in school and a full time job. The elders refused to approve my application, stating that I was not a role model. (now I find that Russell was unscripturally divorced but was allowed to remain President of WBTS and Rutherford was separated from his wife with no problem.) Wish I knew then what I know now.
Anyway, I have been alone now for almost 13 years. There are no JW men to marry. I had thought that maybe Jehovah didn't think I needed a good husband but now I know that every woman needs a good husband. It wasn't Jehovah's fault, it's mine. I should have gotten out years ago.
Anyway, I am going to approach my daughter and son in law about my decision to leave the truth this weekend. I am hoping she wont shun me. If any of you have any advice, I would love to get her out of the JW's also. She isn't over the top theocratic, but they are both very well thought of and are moderately active in the congregation.
Thanks for listening to my story.