I would like to chime in with sd-7 and Pirata. You are in a transitional period where ideas change often. Burying your illusions is not easy. it was not easy for me either. I cannot say I have processed it all. There are days I feel I get a little bit closer to understand what it means to be christian, and other days feel like a big set back. As a born-in, reflexes and thoughts learned as a JW might remain my companion for life. I feel my social skills are seriously damaged due to my youth as a self righteous JW. I hope you have enjoyed a more balanced youth. When you have finished with Crisis of conscience you might have this question lingering, what do I do now, what to believe? Some keys to the answer you will find in the In Search for Christian Freedom Book. There exist no fitting-everybody answer. It is not in the nature of the belief system that Christ left behind. The bible is not intended to be a step-by-step rule text book. Religions have tried to make it look like it, and fell in the same trap as the Pharisees did. It makes feel heavy what should feel liberating. Unfortunately the Society has learned us to put faith in the organization and not in God, and definitely not in Jesus. When you lose your faith in the organization it can feel as your faith in God vanished as well, and maybe it did partially. Making these discoveries is like peeling an onion to find the heart, many layers have to be removed, and what remains can be rather small. When organized religion is not the guide of our thoughts any more, we become individual responsible for whatever our undertakings are, and that is both a liberating but also a sobering thought. It is you, God & Jesus. The basic ideas which Jesus taught and which Paul, Peter, James and others expanded are to be tried out. They are not difficult to find, Matt 7 gives you good idea. If one thing is showing from the scriptures, it is the need for a pure driving force, love for your neighbour and God, behind our actions. I discovered this can have a major impact on life. When you read the bible without the help of WT publications, and let only the context guide its understanding, you will be able to draw a list of requirements of what is christian and what is not. There is quite a big gap between these 2 extremes, leaving a lot of space for personal interpretation. Some help in this you can find in bible commentaries. There is a free Bible Study Aid program you can download with quite a few commentaries, and other books like the Antquities of Flavius Josephus, it is called e-sword ( www.e-sword.net) . It has helped me in my bible understanding. Personal circumstances, your desire to help others, possibilities to freely talk with your family members and friends about what you learn will influence your steps. Raymond Franz decided to meet regularly with others at home for bible discussions. Others joined another religion, which might be considered if you fear that having no 'congregation' would be detrimental for your faith in God. Others decided not be affiliated at all. others lost their faith in God. Whatever you do, it would be sad to do one of the 2 extremes,1) joining another mind-control religion like the witnesses (mormons, Scientology,...) 2) or fall into a debased life style because your moral guide is gone. Take your steps one at a time, look back, look forward, think about long term consequences. The choice of belief system is life-changing, not one to take light heartedly. Your experience as a Witness has proven this point. You will see, over a few weeks things will look different, and it will be even more different in a few months. This week I wished a lot of work colleagues a happy new year for the 1st time in my life, without a bad conscience, this was a very special experience for me. This would be unthinkable just a few months ago. Any way. I hope you let us all know how your journey is going and wish you well.
Hoffnung
