I'm feeling disappointed now

by Nobleheart 29 Replies latest jw friends

  • jwfacts

    It is a very common feeling amongst people that leave cults. Cult expert Margaret Thaler Singer wrote this about high control groups in general.

      ""They get you to believing that they alone know how to save the world," recalled one member. "You think you are in the vanguard of history . . . . You have been called out of the anonymous masses to assist the messiah . . . . As the chosen, you are above the law . . . . They have arrived at the humbling and exalting conclusion that they are more valuable to God, to history, and to the future than other people are." Clearly one of the more poignant comedowns of postgroup life is the end of feeling a chosen person, a member of an elite."
    • designs

      If you can find it watch the movie Quest For Fire, entertaining in a lot of ways and just think that was a cute depiction of our common ancestors. What I mean is we have all come a long ways from being cave dwellers.

      You'll do alright, just remind yourself of how bright you are to have questioned and figured out a lot of things at this stage in your life. Trust us when we say the journey gets better and better.

    • garyneal
      What does God need with a Starship or with the F&DS, the GB, churches, KH's, a Bible etc, etc-

      LOL @ Moshe,

      Can I also include Temples, a Torah, Preachers, Rabbis, etc, etc.?

    • tec

      LOL @ Moshe, Can I also include Temples, a Torah, Preachers, Rabbis, etc, etc.?

      LOL... I didn't say this, but I thought it :)

    • moshe
      Can I also include Temples, a Torah, Preachers, Rabbis, etc, etc.?

      Yes you can. Most educated Jews today will readily admit that their religion is based on tradition, not inspired revelation. A Jew believes on one God, but it does not have to be a personal God. Six million dead Jews in the Holocaust has cured most Jews of belief in a personal God that hears and acts on prayers. It might not be something that is talked about, but it is understood. IMO.

    • MrFreeze

      I can understand your feelings. Being lied to all along. It makes you feel like you are an idiot or something. You aren't an idiot. Even the most brilliant of people can be duped in certain circumstances.

    • GrandmaJones

      I had never agreed with all the Watchtower answers, like eveyone dying at armageddon or that idea that every single person who had ever lived did not have the hope of the resurrection. I thought the Revelation book was nuts. I had serious issues with disfellowshipping, and when my sister was disfellowshipped, I saw her anyway. A lot. She was, and will always be my sister. One of my sons was inactive, and although I wished he weren't I did not stop loveing or associating with him. I could go on...

      That being said, I did love the idea of a paradise earth, the restoration of man to his relationship with god by means of Christ. I believed there could not be a trinity, hellfire, an immortal soul, and I incorrectly saw those those teachings as unique to Jehovah's Witnesses. I believed it when they said that it must be God's organization, "look at the growth" "look at the persecution" (but the persecution scared me as much as hell might have. I feared death, and I was obsessed with it.) I always felt I wasn't good enough. Felt guilty most of my life. I never lived in the present, only for the future, that I now know will not come.

      I long for those feelings of being sure of the religion I was in. I miss that. But, I have conclusively proven to myself that this is NOT god's chosen channel of communication. It was sad for me, terrifying. I cried and prayed for months inconsolably. Begged Jehovah. Nothing. Nada. I realized that it was just a farce.

      I am in a place now where I don't believe anything. I am distrustful of any relgion. I can't say I trust the bible. I will never join a religion again. If there is a true one, I won't be seeking it. If there is a God in heaven looking for my worship, then the Watchtower has my blood on its hands...

    • Hoffnung

      I would like to chime in with sd-7 and Pirata. You are in a transitional period where ideas change often. Burying your illusions is not easy. it was not easy for me either. I cannot say I have processed it all. There are days I feel I get a little bit closer to understand what it means to be christian, and other days feel like a big set back. As a born-in, reflexes and thoughts learned as a JW might remain my companion for life. I feel my social skills are seriously damaged due to my youth as a self righteous JW. I hope you have enjoyed a more balanced youth. When you have finished with Crisis of conscience you might have this question lingering, what do I do now, what to believe? Some keys to the answer you will find in the In Search for Christian Freedom Book. There exist no fitting-everybody answer. It is not in the nature of the belief system that Christ left behind. The bible is not intended to be a step-by-step rule text book. Religions have tried to make it look like it, and fell in the same trap as the Pharisees did. It makes feel heavy what should feel liberating. Unfortunately the Society has learned us to put faith in the organization and not in God, and definitely not in Jesus. When you lose your faith in the organization it can feel as your faith in God vanished as well, and maybe it did partially. Making these discoveries is like peeling an onion to find the heart, many layers have to be removed, and what remains can be rather small. When organized religion is not the guide of our thoughts any more, we become individual responsible for whatever our undertakings are, and that is both a liberating but also a sobering thought. It is you, God & Jesus. The basic ideas which Jesus taught and which Paul, Peter, James and others expanded are to be tried out. They are not difficult to find, Matt 7 gives you good idea. If one thing is showing from the scriptures, it is the need for a pure driving force, love for your neighbour and God, behind our actions. I discovered this can have a major impact on life. When you read the bible without the help of WT publications, and let only the context guide its understanding, you will be able to draw a list of requirements of what is christian and what is not. There is quite a big gap between these 2 extremes, leaving a lot of space for personal interpretation. Some help in this you can find in bible commentaries. There is a free Bible Study Aid program you can download with quite a few commentaries, and other books like the Antquities of Flavius Josephus, it is called e-sword ( www.e-sword.net) . It has helped me in my bible understanding. Personal circumstances, your desire to help others, possibilities to freely talk with your family members and friends about what you learn will influence your steps. Raymond Franz decided to meet regularly with others at home for bible discussions. Others joined another religion, which might be considered if you fear that having no 'congregation' would be detrimental for your faith in God. Others decided not be affiliated at all. others lost their faith in God. Whatever you do, it would be sad to do one of the 2 extremes,1) joining another mind-control religion like the witnesses (mormons, Scientology,...) 2) or fall into a debased life style because your moral guide is gone. Take your steps one at a time, look back, look forward, think about long term consequences. The choice of belief system is life-changing, not one to take light heartedly. Your experience as a Witness has proven this point. You will see, over a few weeks things will look different, and it will be even more different in a few months. This week I wished a lot of work colleagues a happy new year for the 1st time in my life, without a bad conscience, this was a very special experience for me. This would be unthinkable just a few months ago. Any way. I hope you let us all know how your journey is going and wish you well.


    • nugget

      The realisation that the organisation is not chosen by god takes time to absorb. It is like a divorce or breavement and it takes time to feel comfortable in your own skin without using the watchtower framework.

      I always looked at it that if there was a loving god he would give me the time I needed since the Bible assured me he was interested in individuals. This took off the pressure of trying to have an immediate answer and somewhere to go. It is scary loosing the answers you thought you once had and realising you were duped but bear this in mind it takes great presence of mind and determination to break away from a high control control group and be prepared to take the journey.

    • Nobleheart

      Thanks for everyone here for their help and comments. What more can I say? Coming to a realisation about the 'truth' isn't easy and I have very few people I've confided in. I love people here because they give me the time of day and contribute with positive and constructive comments.

      jwfacts - i have to read some books about cults to get the right perspective on how our situation in the org, isn't unique but shared by others too.

      designs & Mr Freeze - some days I feel like such an idiot for buying everything, and other days when I'm at meetings I feel lucky to have discovered reality when others are in darkness (funny because JW use that expression for ppl in the world). I really hope it gets better.

      GrandmaJones - I've had the same thought, too. If there is a God and I lose my faith due to my disillusion, then Watchtower would be bloodguilty. Not that I don't believe in God now, but our relationship is strained at the moment.

      Hoffnung - It's great the hear from you again. i'll visit the site you suggested. I'll also read In Search of Christian Freedom (i'm still reading CoC). I definitely feel part of this community now and will keep in touch to let you know where life and/or faith have taken me. One thing is certain: I would never join any fundamentalist religion, or start an immoral life. I didn't enjoy a normal youth, i've been in the 'truth' since adolescence up till present. I'm 27 now.

      nugget - i also feel it takes force of character to leave. the pain is indeed like a divorce or an emotional break-up. Thanks for the kind words.

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