The holidays can be difficult and lonely -- whether or not the w/tower cult has added misery to one. Try to put the holidays in perspective --- it's ONE DAY OUT OF 365 and YOU CAN GET THROUGH ANY 24-hr. period, trust me. THANKFULLY, you have your children on Sunday so prepare/focus for that special day. the crooks of the tower can't take them nor their love away from you. we are not in the minority if we find ourselves experiencing a less than wonderful holiday, but it's easy to tell ourselves we're alone in conflict. Unleash your loving, nurturing self and give in to the holiday spirit w/your children --- there are many people who have no children or anyone you make eye contact with.
Next year can be better --- and the next a little better. Work toward a better life --- one that meets YOUR needs. Deal with your feelings, but don't become overwhelmed with them. Join a support group (asap - ex-witness group in your city or 12-step codependent, we're all codependent for friends/family) and form a new family and many others who have crazy, toxic, brainwashed, families who've never EVEN PART OF THE LOSER WATCHTOWER --- make plans for yourself on xmas day and buy yourself a present and realize it's their loss, not yours -- and there's good, honest, human beings waiting for you to meet and associate with in the real world.
Hugs to you,