Don't post too often but need some support

by ~Jen~ 27 Replies latest jw friends

  • ~Jen~

    This is my 2nd Christmas after leaving the JW's. Last year there was drama surrounding the time and I never really focused on it

    This year is differant and I'm having a hard time with it. Not with Christmas itself, but with being alone. It's a hard time of year when you're only 1 person. I am DF'd and have no family and a select few friends who are spending the holidays with their families. I have kids but will not be getting them until Sunday.

    I am just feeling so sad and so alone this time of year, this whole winter has been very depressing actually.

    This religion and DF'ing is such a cruel cruel thing :(

  • mouthy

    Yes it is a hard time after leaving the WT.But you mentioned your getting your kids.

    Great!!!! try hard to make it a very fun time for them, So they love coming to MUMS.

    I have lost family also to the WT.But dont let them make you another victim by

    letting the past take over the future...Be so thankful your FREE! & you can help

    your kids to have life more abundently as MY God JESUS CHRIST told us to do
    not to follow any man,but to FREELY use the Brain he gave you THINK INDEPENDENTLY!!!
    I may not be saying what you want to hear sweetie. But DO make it a really fun time for the kids.


  • journey-on

    Jen, it's a process. Let yourself "feel" whatever you are feeling. Write it down in a journal. Shed some tears if you need to. Light a fire in the fireplace, curl up with a soft blankie and a good book, and just get through it. Each year gets easier. You are NEVER alone.....NEVER.

    Those who participate in the cruelty of DF'ing and those family members that allow such unnatural familial cruelty will not go without punishment at some point in their pitful lives.

  • palmtree67

    Hi Jen! Nice to see you again!

    I like journey's suggestions. Or if you feel up to it, maybe you could volunteer over the holidays? There may be a soup kitchen or shelter you could volunteer at. Or make cookies and take them to a shelter? Anything to focus on other people and make you feel great about yourself.

    Hang in there, hunny! It does get easier, I promise!


  • LV101

    The holidays can be difficult and lonely -- whether or not the w/tower cult has added misery to one. Try to put the holidays in perspective --- it's ONE DAY OUT OF 365 and YOU CAN GET THROUGH ANY 24-hr. period, trust me. THANKFULLY, you have your children on Sunday so prepare/focus for that special day. the crooks of the tower can't take them nor their love away from you. we are not in the minority if we find ourselves experiencing a less than wonderful holiday, but it's easy to tell ourselves we're alone in conflict. Unleash your loving, nurturing self and give in to the holiday spirit w/your children --- there are many people who have no children or anyone you make eye contact with.

    Next year can be better --- and the next a little better. Work toward a better life --- one that meets YOUR needs. Deal with your feelings, but don't become overwhelmed with them. Join a support group (asap - ex-witness group in your city or 12-step codependent, we're all codependent for friends/family) and form a new family and many others who have crazy, toxic, brainwashed, families who've never EVEN PART OF THE LOSER WATCHTOWER --- make plans for yourself on xmas day and buy yourself a present and realize it's their loss, not yours -- and there's good, honest, human beings waiting for you to meet and associate with in the real world.

    Hugs to you,


  • whereami

    What you're feeling is absolutely normal for what you've been and are going through. You WILL get through this without a doubt.

    There is NOTHING wrong with you first and foremost. Please believe that. What mouthy and journey-on said is good advise.

    Concentrate on you and your kids. Stay busy. Take up a hooby. Something you've always wanted to do maybe.

    Get out there and mingle. Meet new friends. It's a real big world out there. Help others like you that might also be going through the same ordeal you are.

    You will be a better and stronger person, you'll see.

    Keep your chin up girl. You're gonna make it.

    Stay strong

  • nugget

    Df'ing is particularly cruel and unkind. Christmas on your own is a hard thing to cope with. What I would suggest is don't try to go through the motions tomorrow but accept that your celebrations will take place on Sunday when you have your children close. Spend tomorrow preparing for their visit planning a truly special day on Sunday. Show them that this time of year can be a time of joy and delight. After all they too will have spent Christmas day having a depressing time.

    Enjoy having time to yourself and being able to take your time over small details. If you bake then do this so that they will arrive to a home that smells Christmasy and spicy.

    This may not take away the total pain of the day but it will give a new focus. I don't know how old your children are but they will appreciate having the chance to unwind without guilt.

  • ~Jen~

    Thank you so much, as always you guys are so helpful with your words of wisdom. I really appreciate it and you are right, I need to get out. This winter I've been completely isolating myself. I think joining a support group will be beneficial especially to make it feel like I'm not alone.

    I've been trying to get out there and make friends but it's hard - have been trying a bit of online dating too but I feel like with my "history" - being in the JW's for 27 years, being married to someone who I had nothing in common with and was kept sheltered that it's hard to find things in common with them. Everyone has their great stories and here I am, for 9 years with my EX didn't do anything I loved and have no stories because the most exciting thing we ever did in that time was dinner and a movie.

    I'm making a new life and new experiences for myself and my kids now but am so sad that so much time was wasted in the cult and I wasn't happy for so long. And now I'm just lonely.

    I am looking forward to the time with the boys though and have some great presents for them :)

  • Giordano

    Sorry to hear that Jen. For a lot of people Christmas can be a lonely time of year. I don't know your circumstances, whether you plan to go back to the JW world, age or health. If your not going back then you need to reach out to people if you want to reconnect socially. The best way to do that is to volunteer for something worthwhile. In our small city/town my friends are active in the SPCA, the Free Clinic, the Food pantry, Preservation groups, Master gardeners club, Habitat, local theater etc. etc.

    The reason I said it's the best way to connect with people is because caring honest people tend to be volunteers. Because you choose to participate you experience immediate recognition of your value, and because you work side by side you have the opportunity to develop relationships in a relaxed natural way. And since your not paid if it doesn't work out your not stuck.

    Just a thought.

  • lonestar63

    Mouthy, i haven't posted here in a long time, probably over a year. You were encouraging and supportive then, and i see you still are.

    You are indeed a gem sweetheart, and i hope all here realize that....

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