Welcome. Remember, we've all been through what you're going through right now. It's good to see another life opened up to the reality of what has been taking place for over 100 years now. And there are more to come. Right now someone is reading this thread but has yet to take that step and come out into the open and join us.
You will find so many different views on here but the common thread is that we all want to find the truth or prove to ourselves that the hurt and oppression meted out by the WTS does not come from God.
For those that choose to believe, we know we are all children of God. I have 5 children. They are all different, are going in different ways and have different views on all aspects of life. But I love them all the same and recognise them as my children. This is possible thanks to being created in the image of God.
Get back to the basics. I would say you are left with a level of confusion right now but it's so refreshing to read the bible again with an open mind without a WT along side telling you what everything means.
When Paul wrote his letters, he didn't a separate document with the letter explaining what he meant. If his contemporaries were able to understand what he wrote then why cant we with the benefit of hindsight and a mass of local and historical information to add to the context?
Start all over again. For me I started at Matthew 24 and couldn't beleive some fo the things in there I'd never seen before. Form your own conclusion.
What man has the right to tell you that based on your thoughts and opinions God will destroy you?
From what you've experienced so far, would you not expect so much more from an organisation owned by God? Would the sovereign of the universe be happy to put his name to the WTS?
As for looking for somewhere else to turn to, in my opinion you wont find it. Here are my reasons why if you want to consider them:
1. Paul foretold there would be a great apostasy. All falling away or turning away from the core doctrine. Over time the first century congregation would break up as a result.
2. True worship is to be restored and Jesus is the one who will put that in place when he returns. Who else would you choose?
3. He has not returned yet.
4. When he does return, "all nations will know and will beat themselves" "lightening will flash forth from one side of the sky to another". It will not be a secret event discerned by a small group or a single person who stole his ideas from other bible students of the time and who were subsequently written off as unrighteous and not worthy of the Kingdom.
The funniest thing for me in all this (which I came to realise after lurking here for a while) is that the organisation didn't realise Christs 1914 return or the special assignment bestowed upon them in 1919 until many years after. How can you be the only people able to discern Christs return and miss it by many years? How can you be chosen and subsequently used by Christ and not realise it for many years? Duh!
This is all a bit doctrinal I know but my point is to help you shake off some of the guilt you may be experiencing as a result of the way you are thinking right now. Have a good read of the bible, you'll be amazed.
I thought I was well versed in scripture after 30 years in. I wasn't. I was well versed in WTS publications. How many times do you hear witnesses say "There's a Watchtower that says... " "There's an article here that says..." "In this publication you'll find..."
How about what the bible says?