Can someone help me please???

by safireblu64 24 Replies latest jw friends

  • safireblu64

    I have been raised a Jehovah's Witness and when I was 25 years old I decided to try and discover things for myself. Something just was not sitting right with me. I had been a publisher since I was 4 years old and I gave my first talk when I was 6 years old. I was baptized at the tender age of 10, and every year I auxiliary pioneered and then at age 18 became a regular pioneer. Although I hate to say it, something just was not right. Anytime I thought I found something that was contradictory to what the bible says, or I felt that there were doctrines being added to the bible, or taken from between the lines of the scriptures, I was told that it was Satan that was making me think these things, and that If I were to listen to these things that it would make me apostate.

    Eventually, at the age of 25 years old I simply found myself leading a perfunctory life, simply going through the motions that were expected of me. I have always had an extremely close relationship with my family, my mother was my best friend, and needless to say when I left it was absolutely devastating. I lost my family and my friends and everything that I had built my life around, and everything I had ever known.

    I see the folly in leaving Jehovah, and leaving the bible. I certainly was more in darkness when I had absolutely no spiritual direction and I fully admit that. But even though I long to do what is right and to live my life by the bible and according to Jehovah's standards, I am absolutely beside myself trying to find the real truth. The guilt was far too much for me to handle in terms of leaving my family, I was constantly reminded that I "left" my family, I "disowned" my family....when I swear I didn't. I just didn't know who I truly was I only knew what people wanted me to be. It was so horrible, I was constantly tortured in my own personal hell. No one will listen to me, no one would hear me, no one would save me. I've tried to talk to my mother time and time again but it's absolutely futile. She is a regular pioneer and has told me she trusts the WTBS with her life! She defends them to a fault. So I decided that living without my family is far too much for me and they are so set in their ways and faith that they will never waiver and just accept me into their lives without sharing their beliefs....actually...their title and as an accepted sister within the congregation.

    I am currently engaged to a wonderful man who has been coming to the meetings with me, but there are things that have been bothering me to great lengths. There are teachings of the JW doctrine that I simply cannot explain to myself, let alone my fiance and his family. I see a lot of contradiction and I see a lot of twisting but I am deathly afraid of saying anything or thinking anything. I want nothing more to just get reinstated so that I can be with my family again. I'd even keep going to the meetings but I just cannot shake that I see things simply because I'm on the outside looking at the big picture. I keep thinking that if my mother were to just step outside with me and look with the open mind I have that she too would realize a lot of things.

    I am so confused as to who is right and who is wrong. There seems to be so much importance attached to who is right. The Witnesses proclaim that they are the righteous and anyone who is not them is simply unrighteous unless they come to accept the teachings of the bible as they have accepted them. I find that almost egotistical. I am sorry to say that, but I thought Jesus died for ALL of mankind. Even though the Witnesses project a humble demeanor toward their neighbour and each other, as well as in the Kingdom Hall, did Jesus not say that he who exalts himself will be humiliated but he who humbles himself will be exalted??? Is not proclaiming to be "the ones whose worship God approves, and whose prayers are heard" exalting oneself?? Is that not right away in direct contradiction to what the bible itself says??? I'm sorry but I just do not know why there is so much importance and emphasis on who is right and who is wrong. It almost seems that in contrast to their humble demeanor that their proclamation of the things they do and they things they are no part of is almost like boasting. Shouldn't the only thing mattering be that they uphold Jehovah's Sovereignty, Jesus as King, and look to Jesus as ruler of God's coming new kingdom rather than looking to man made governments? As you can see I still have a lot of questions.....and yes they have an answer for everything, but when you think about the answers...even as cleverly thought out that they are, and even as subtle as their power of suggestion can be.....that answer only raises yet another question and in the's simply a cleaver answer to hopefully shut you up. Pardon me for saying that so abruptly.

    Almost every religion claims to be the "right" one. I am simply beside myself trying to figure out where I am suppose to go. I am terrified of being one of the ones that in final day says " Lord Lord, didn't I prophesy in your name, perform many powerful works in your name, and expel demons in your name?" and for Jesus to cast me off as a worker of lawlessness.

    All I want is the truth. No bribes, no gimmics, no guilt trips, no scare tactics.....I simply want to know what the bible requires.

    Can anyone give me any answers??? What are we all to do? It's not a matter of not loving God, Jehovah and Jesus and the holy spirt, and all that is responsible for inspiring the bible and the scriptures but I am beside myself trying to figure out where I am to go. Where am I to take my children, or do I need to take them anywhere? Is there such a thing has a reformed Jehovah's Witness? Or just deciples of Christ? Please help.

  • Mad Sweeney
    Mad Sweeney

    All I want is the truth. No bribes, no gimmics, no guilt trips, no scare tactics.....I simply want to know what the bible requires. . . Is there such a thing has a reformed Jehovah's Witness?

    Why the Bible? When you left you felt you were in darkness because you didn't leave far enough. Truly reformed Jehovah's Witnesses see the Bible for what it is: a book with some good parts and some bad parts who's god is sometimes the most beautiful loving being and sometimes worse than the most evil murderer in prison. It's just a book; it is a good book in many ways but it is no more inerrant and perfect than many other books. And the New World Translation is among the worst.

    You want truth? Here's the truth: no human knows the truth of god in a way they can tell to others. Get a college education. Learn facts and leave faith and belief in things without evidence aside for a few years. Don't worry, God is infinite and a few years won't inconvenience him in the least. Learn the real facts that humans DO know and don't worry about what we don't know.

    I know giving up family is hard. The organization (like ALL cults) make it hard on purpose. It is their control mechanism. It guilt trips you into coming back and keeps family members from letting love override the pharisaical rules. But it can be overcome. Live. Love. Learn.

    THEN, if you still want to return to the oppression of the Watchtower, you are free to do so with a fully informed mind. I can't recommend the following two websites enough:

    Best wishes to you.

  • wasblind

    The biggest mistake people make is thinking they have to belong to an organization or a certain religion in order to get salvation

    when christ states in John 14:6 " I am the way, and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

    The WTS make you believe that the only way to have salvation is through them, Reading the Bible will tell you salvation is in Jesus only

  • mf6


    You have a PM.


  • badcompany

    Welcome to the board Safire. Your story struck because it's a lot like mine. The difference is that I started questioning things at around 17. My questioning was actually sparked by my unrelenting passion for all things JW. In high school I had the opportunity to build some of my own classes. I made one up of studying all the major world religions (with the intent of showing why JW's are the true one). The teacher that had to approve my curriculum noticed that 90% of the studies was on "Christian" religion and 10% others. I unabashedly told him that I knew all about "pagan" religion (I didn't) and they really didn't count. Wisely he made me divide it 50/50. It was an amazing experience to learn about how Hindus, Muslims, Buddhist, etc. lived. The real eye opener for me (as a future full time pioneer) is the suddenly the numbers didn't work. Matt 24: 14 saying that the good news had to preached through out... There's no way that the comparatively few JW's could possibly reach all these people. Besides that their frame of reference is completely different. A lot of good people are going to die through no fault of their own. That was just the start of my questioning.

    I too left the org but I was only 21. I did come back and get reinstated ENTIRELY for same reason as you. To be back with my family. It did not last because after I learned so many things that are wrong with the way the organization operated I could not stand the hypocrisy in my life any longer. Anyway, you will get a lot of support and help here. Again, welcome!

  • yknot

    Here is my experience.....

    I am still 'in' but with a worldy husband.

    Upon waking up I faced the same scary questions.

    Where to go? Do I have to accept trinity? What is worship? Association....where to go where to go!!!!

    The start of that answer if you choose to remain a Christian is of course found in the Bible...

    (John 6:68) . . .Simon Peter answered him: “Lord, whom shall we go away to?. . .

    We go to Jesus....

    Now what about all our indoctrination about appointments and 'right' ways and 'wrong' ways....

    Well there was no appointment of the WTS so they certainly have no authority to decide. Furthermore most of their teachings are circular to create dependence on them as if they were Pharisees.

    So now what!

    Well for starters what you personally believe and what you teach your children are limited to YOU.

    The rest like churches, organizations and the such are 'association' ie people who you feel are leading their lives in line with your own Christian values. They might be Baptist or Methodist or Lutheran or a private bible study group that meets up......but they are indivdiduals not completely bound to interpretation or doctrine. See which churches, organizations or groups meet your family's needs.

    My husband is a Southern Baptist..... yea the trinitarian slant annoys me but technically they aren't rock solid on the Nicene Creed so I feel a bit more comfortable ....of course that said they aren't strictly a lot of things some Baptist are even Amillenialist, not all Premillenialist are 'dispensational' either..........but they meet my family's needs outside of what I teach my children. They have a local charity outreach to feed the disadvantaged in our community (so does my son's Lutheran school), they do 'informal witnessing' and 'visitations' too. In fact I used the Aug KM to help reinforce a camp the older kids went to in Dallas to learn about evangelism (witnessesing) in their local communities. Sure they have Sunday School but the kids love it they sing songs, do a craft, learn a bible verse or story ..... The children 'church hop' during summer attending most of the Vacation Bible Schools in area and they have a blast!

    The point is don't get to 'hung up' on disagreeing with a certain set of interpretations, hell plenty of JWs are now conscious class or social JWs like many Catholics......

    There is no 'true religion'..... but under Christianity there is Christ as your mediator to Jah. He loves as his father loves, his yoke is light and for the most part joyful.

    What matters most is what is in your hearts....

    BTW maybe give your local 'Christian' radio station a listen too..... many churches and events advertise the coming and goings of local things you and your family can explore.

    I know holidays can be difficult after indoctrination ... the kids are usually the first to adjust ........don't be afraid, just take steps forward and understand that you and I and most of us were in a cult and it will take time but that things get easier the more you progress forward and talk about the things that nag you on sites like this......

    I hope you stay awhile and make friends with all us......maybe consider joining the Christmas Card exchange and friending on FB!


  • diamondiiz

    Hello and welcome.

    There is no simple answer to your question(s). What you need to do is sit down and start doing your research on Watch Tower Society (WTS). Start with Russell and think clearly where the teaching went and why they evolved to where they are today. Truth is a scary thing when you are just starting to wake up from the deception which is all you knew. For any witness I recommend researching 607BC teaching as to what history and archeology reveal because that is the true cornerstone of WTS. Ignoring the entire wts history and everything else, consider this. If 607 is wrong then 1914 is just another date therefor faithful and discrete slave was never chosen in 1919 thus making the past and present leaders of wts self appointed men and a fraud. From there you can start examining all their teachings and asking the question "why does wts teach this".

    I strongly recommend a book by Carl Olof Jonsson, Gentile Times Reconsidered which deals with 607BC teaching. Very well written and a must for any believer.

    Also examine the old wts publications and get to know what was taught in the past to see how wts changed their teachings and how they hide the past. You most likely have the wts cd which has limited publication back to the 60s or so but for the read gems you want the real old ones, you want to examine Russell's books which they shed a lot of light on the wts dates and how these dates were arrived which is something you won't find in any of the new wts publications. I strongly recommend reading Charle's Russell's Studies in the Scripture vol 3 book which is also know as Thy Kingdom Come book. Here is a link to the old wts publications.

    Another good book to read is Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz, who was a member of Governing Body(GB). It's an autobiography, very easy to follow for a witness and has some interesting inside information as to how gb operates.

    As for you and your family dealings.... Well that's a tough one. When you learn the truth about wts you will no doubt be sickened but to keep close to your fanatical family members you may have to go back in and get re-instated and fade afterward. These situations are delicate and differ from person to person. You know your family best and you know what you can ask them and how to approach them which you should use to your own advantage as to what to ask them if anything or how to play it to be able to still associate with them. Depending where you live in relation to your family also makes a difference as to how involved they are in your life. Try not to get your boyfriend involved with witnesses, if he's studying get him ask questions of the conductor as it may be easier for him to do so than you. Otherwise keep him away from the cult (yes wts is a cult as you will discover). Lots of info can be found on this board, keep reading keep testing whether what you find is true as some things that you'll find aren't factual but do your research. You don't want to have fear and guilt hanging over you as that's what wts wants for it members to feel if they ever leave wts.

    Ask any specifics and you'll get a lot of help here.

  • yknot

    on reading older WT pubs to confirm the myth of it all !

    In addition I would also suggest reading through poster Chasson's collection too.....(if you need the further 'proof' that the WTS wasn't 'appointed')

  • Curtains

    hi safireblue, welcome.

  • Lozhasleft

    Hello and welcome to you Safireblue....this forum is a very good place to can learn a lot here...decisions you'll still have to make for yourself though...its not easy...the WTBS cleverly uses emotional blackmail within families to tie ppl in knots.

    I hope you can find peace and freedom for yourself and for your own future family. Many on here are now atheist...that's their personal choice ...many of us still have a deep love for God and his son...but whatever we choose at least we are learning to be true to our own selves and not letting 'men' dictate our conscious. Good luck.

    Enjoy the forum!

    Loz x

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