You wrote, "A problem I have with JH is their view of Jesus. I talked to my mother and JH brother about this. I believe you have to go through him, and they say they do. Maybe, technically, they do. But they seem to downplay him as much as they can. There seems to be quite a few things like that with the JW's. "Technically" they say they believe in this or not in that, but in REALITY it appears to be much different."
As you read Crisis of Conscience, note how what really bothered RYay the most was the realization that the Society was supplanting Jesus.
You also wrote, "A sense of "doom and unworthiness" seems to be somewhere in the crevices of your mind, always."
As I just said in another thread, NT Christianity is all about forgiveness, grace, and Jesus.
The WT religion is all about rules, condemnation, and "the faithful and discreet slave organization."
I recommend that you put away all WT literature and just read the NT by itself, starting with Romans and Galatians.
You'll be amazed at how different the NT message is from the WT message.
1 John 4:18: "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear..."