WHY? WHY? WHY?
That’s the question I keep asking myself once I began learning “the truth about ‘the truth’”. What is truth? One definition according to Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary is “the body of real things, events, and facts”. Another (often cap) is “a transcendent, fundamental or spiritual reality”. Anyway I digress. What I really want to know from myself is WHY WAS I SO GULLIBLE? I am not a born-in like my husband or my children. I was converted, convinced, sold a bill of goods that I swallowed hook, line, and sinker. I prided myself on researching while studying with the Witness girls at school. I was 13/14 when I first met them. I loved science. I believed evolution. I called myself agnostic. I listened to their arguments, then devoured every book in the school library on evolution to see how to counter their statements. The year was 1966/67. Way before the internet. I found living on a paradise earth very appealing. Who wouldn’t want to live forever in ideal conditions? I already knew I didn’t want to go to heaven and I didn’t believe in a torturous hell. They also promised a large, loving family; why they called each other “brother” and “sister”. Jehovah was our father. And our mother? I was beguiled.
The Sixties were a tumultuous time. It was easy to convince me we were living in the last days. Nuclear war was a very real threat. Armageddon was just around the corner, less than a decade away. My parents didn’t like me studying with the Witness girls. But of course this was just more proof that this was the “truth”. At the book studies they were covering the book “Babylon the Great Has Fallen-God’s Kingdom Rules”. I had never heard Revelation explained in the small country church I attended as a young girl. Very frightening. They explained everything in great detail. My studious self ate it up. How did they know all of this? I was still somewhat cautious. I wanted to know the history of Jehovah’s Witnesses before I committed to them. The only source available to me at the time was the book “Jehovah’s Witness in the Divine Purpose”. My reasoning then was that if I wanted to know their history the best place to go would be to the Witnesses themselves. I was an honest and naïve young girl.
I was a truthful person. I told the truth. I believed people told me the truth. I was unaware of the intricacies of lying. They called their way of believing THE TRUTH. So naturally I was hooked.
One thing that bothered me from the beginning was that women were in subjection to men because they were men. I had always considered myself equal to any boy and superior to many. Somewhere along the line I contented myself to “wait on Jehovah”. Surely someday “new light” would be revealed and we women would take our rightful place beside men, not underneath them. I take a broader view now; everyone has their individual strengths and weaknesses regardless of gender.
Steve Hassan in his book “Combating Cult Mind Control” showed that cults look to recruit young idealistic people who want to be part of something larger than themselves. The Witnesses continually said they were looking for people who were “sighing and crying over the detestable things in the world”. (This after they listed what those “detestable things” were.) When I look back I see I was a prime target. My parents were unprepared to counter the arguments the Witnesses were presenting.
On the day my youngest son was born I was told he wouldn’t live the day out if I didn’t allow him to have a blood transfusion. I stood firm in my refusal. Not only did he survive, he thrived. And so I continued to staunchly support the Watchtower’s position of refusing all blood. …Until I read an article in the newspaper by Kerry Louderback-Wood. She mentioned a website ajwrb.org. I logged on and read everything there. That led me to freeminds, JWD, and others. My mind was reopened!
Unbeknownst to me my husband, the PO at the time, was having some serious questions about the validity of a global flood. He had been researching that. We began talking and I cautiously began sharing what I was learning with him. He eagerly read everything I showed him. He requested that I order Ray Franz’ books and Steve Hassan’s books as well as several other books. We both devoured them. We have shared what we learned with our two grown boys, both baptized Witnesses, and they too can see the truth about “the truth”.
I have returned to my love of science (I have missed so much!), my belief in evolution, and my agnostic leaning, though now I prefer the term secular humanist. I have told my husband and my boys that I love them unconditionally. As much as I can I am making up for all the lost years in the Watchtower Prison. My husband still serves as an elder and I am still considered in good standing in the local congregation. We have laid our plans for an exit from the Watchtower. We are hoping we can do it in a way that we can continue to have a good relationship with our daughters-in-law and our grandchildren.