So my Dad is finally out... And I'm as mad as hell!

by artemis.design 24 Replies latest jw friends

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  artemis.design

  My story isn't very interesting. I left as a teen, never baptised. A plesant but distant relationship with my JW family. I read the board quite a bit, but don't often post. The main reason I used to come on was to try and gleen new info to prise my family away from the Borg.

  Now my hope has come true. My Dad has finally left. But it wasn't that he finally saw the light and started questioning the religion. I'm not even sure of the exact reason. But I think it was because he was the unofficial money lender for the last 20 years, and when the recession hit and he stareted calling in the loans (to save his company from going bankrupt) the relationship with the congregation turned sour. Many refused pay up, when he threatened legal action, he got councelled. He had to choose between the congregation and his business and the business won.

  The rest of the family are still in. I don't think he is DF yet, but he is getting a hard time. I know I should try and be there for him, but I am also resentful and feel so distant. Although I was never shunned, none of my family were there for me, we have never had a conversation more meaningful than the weather. I didn't have an awful life, but my Dad in particular made life harder than it needed to be. Am I expected to forget all of that and go to his rescue now that he has no one else? Only to be forgotton about when he has been forgiven and get's back in with the Borg??

  Confused Arte
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  cult classic

  Hey there Arte. I understand where you're coming from. Now that he's out, it's all good (if I understand correctly) Hypocritical. I wouldn't rush to his side without honest talk and boundaries. Maybe even let him make the first move?

  Your thread title cracked me up.
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  wasblind

  Hi Art,

  show your dad the real fruitage of the spirit, the cong have shown theirs by not reaching back to help him in his time of need, this is your opportunity to show your dad what real love is about. and the satisfaction from this is that you can be the one to show him.

  When you can take the opportunity to show him the real truth about the "TRUTH"
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  artemis.design

  Yes hypocritical is exactly right. I am really cross, that of all things, its a disagreement over money that is keeping him away. He never calls me or comes over, I always have to see how he is doing, then out of a blue he invites me over, even suggestion I come over while the rest of the family are at the meeting. I meean, the cheek of it. I usually only see in 3 or 4 times a year. On the other hand, maybe now is a good time to sow seeds of doubt, before he is let back into the fold?

  Arte
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  DagothUr

  Your father is the rock on which you can build the fall of your entire family into "apostasy" if you play your cards right. What do you have to lose if you just behave like a normal son and show him some heart? So, he may go back to the BORG. But what if he doesn't???
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  artemis.design

  Sorry about my spelling. Wireless keyboard keep missing out letters. But I think you catch my drift.
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  artemis.design

  Yes, I know his is the best chance I will ever have. But also he still lives with the rest of the family. I don't want it to cause them any hurt. Also if I pull the plug on thoughts that have been bottled up so long, I think they may just explode. We have always had a strict non-discussion policy when it came to JW. I think I will have to think about this without doing anything that I could regret.
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  tec

  I think I will have to think about this without doing anything that I could regret.

  I think this is an extremely smart idea. We should not act in anger, because anger too often blinds us to what we would normally WANT to do... if we weren't so damn angry in the first place.

  Showing your father kindness, imo, is the best thing that you can do - without any strings attached. Don't expect anything back, or a sudden and miraculous change of heart. Just show him kindness out of love... because it might make him think, yes... but also because it seems that no one else around him is capable of doing so.

  You can always change your approach (and your need to clear the air with him, so to speak) as things progress. This board is good at suggestions for the times you're unsure of how to proceed. (or just to vent, because that helps too)

  Tammy
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  VIII

  JWs and money problems, like most "families" and money- a recipe for disaster.

  I would go along with the advice to show your Dad as much love and kindness as you can. Try not to unleash any "A-P-O-S-T-A-T-E" stuff on him. JWs are programmed to let monetary loans to other JWs go. Even in a recession. If you talk apostate stuff, he may decide that the JWs are the better option and go back-you don't want that.

  It is better to keep your options open and show him you are not an Evil Worldly and like most people he encounters--normal, loving, kind and will be there for him when he needs someone deperately to talk to who is not in the dubs and who he can trust. YOU.
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  flipper

  ARTEMIS- If I were in your situation- I'd let bygones be bygones and mend some fences with your dad. My 2 JW daughters have shunned me for several years now- won't even talk to me on the phone - but they know if they needed help I'd be there for them , or if they had doubts about the organization I'd be there to help.

  Hey- Everybody leaves the witnesses for different reasons - the main thing is it looks like your dad is getting out - so be happy for that and the rest will fall into place if you show him unconditional kindness & love. He was just duped by a mind control cult like all of us were. Can happen to anybody. Good luck to you & I wish you the best ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper