by Lady Lee 66 Replies latest jw friends
cantleave that would be my pleasure :-)
LAdyLee I disagree :-) IF we agreed to disagree there would be no debate. what would be the point? I think the problem is not knowing how to handle disagreement. "Attack my statements but welcome the stater" i would say. :-)
Nothing breaks" the ice of contention" more than giving some compliment..... though even Minuit ; it means the world
to those in a defensive mode. It sends a signal...I extend my open hand to you !!
Injection of humor also works wonders if your viewpoints can't come together .. ...then simply laugh together !!
Now the other person posting may not have meant what I read into the post. Far from it. But because we have no body language, or facial expression, or tone of voice on the internet we will lean heavily toward adding them. And we could be dead wrong.
I think studies have shown that true communication is only about 16 % of words used.... body language and tone accounted for all the rest !
So it leaves a margin of error in the written word at 80 % or more
Agreeing to disagree is framing it in those terms though, that's what I'm getting at. And that's fine too, but as I said it is possible to just not even look at it that way. Actually, learning is, in itself not all that concerned with agreement one way or the other, isn't it? Agreement and disagreement are both positions, but if you're just interested in learning and are just curious that's a very different attitude than wanting to take a stand. After all, you're not going to be interested in learning if you feel you already know. In itself agreeing to disagree does nothing to promote an exchange of ideas, it promotes peace but that does not necessarily mean there is interest beyond that.
Why does it have to be framed in terms of agreement or disagreement though?
I think it is human nature to take sides. Either you agree or you don't. Not many people are willing to sit somewhere in the middle and say "I don't know so tell me more" But perhaps that is exactly where most of us need to be
I think that ex-cult members in general have a difficult time leave the safety of having all the answers. When we realize that those answers contained many lies we threw it all out. I know I did for a while. But then I had to stop and realize that some of those answers were actually good for me. A lot of those I tossed and haven't picked up again. And I am slowly wading through some of the others that I kept and some of those are slowly getting tossed away too. . But I think we need to be open.
Look here's me talking and there are some things I don't want to consider yet. So I stay away from those threads. But why should I barrel in and say anyone who disagrees with me has mental health problems or is wrong or is a fool? They have just as much right to what they think and believe as I do - even if I think they are wrong.
Learning to be open and objective is a skill hard learned by most of us here on this board
I agree Lady Lee, and believe it or not Simon is not always right..but it is his board and can call the shots. (to the extent the posters allow him too).
Is it ok to say that?
If not I take it back...
I don't care what a person's view is, I enjoy reading the variety of posts on here..
I also don't insist they think and feel the same way I do about things.
Still some feel like they have to fight to the finish or until you finally see their way as the right way.
If I see we are getting no where in a discussion nowadays I just walk away from them after a while..
Snoozle
cyberjesus
perhaps we could actually sit back and talk about things if we could agree that we are coming at an issue from different perspectives
caliber
Mark
After all, you're not going to be interested in learning if you feel you already know
I think it is human nature to take sides. Either you agree or you don't. Not many people are willing to sit somewhere in the middle and say "I don't know so tell me more" But perhaps that is exactly where most of us need to be
That's why I think it's good to point out that it is possible, and hopefully even convey that it can be safe to do so even if that's less likely to happen with some people and some topics, at least some times. Makes me think of Richard Pryor in that movie where he encouraged people to vote "none of the above."
I gotta say that's why I also appreciate these couple of threads asking about peoples first names and other personal things. Those of us who are more interested in the topic can forget that this is an important part of people relating to one another, and it is viewed as more social than intellectual by most and posting a thread like that only points to that curiosity. Objectively it's also interesting that they have found people with the same beliefs (on paper/in words) have very different things happening in their brains. Even though we understandably think concepts like God or religion are the biggies given our background, the evidence seems to suggest that people are more complicated than that.
Greetings, dear Lady Lee... and the greatest of love and peace to you! And thank you.
I have no problem discussing almost anything (can't get too explicit, though, sorry - just don't see the benefit). I peer into many threads without commenting at all. Many I pass by because they either not of interest to or not directed at me. I also don't mind "arguing"... such that the word means discussing... and presenting... differing points of view, beliefs, opinions, facts, etc. For some, arguing is actually an art, with rules and structure. Unfortunately, I don't know the rules pat... and I don't particularly like being "bound" by them, anyway. But I think it's quite a different animal when the "argument/discussion" turns hostile, malicious... even abusive... even toward others who are not even involved in the discussion.
When it comes to discussing my faith (which may or may not be an underlying subject here), I tend to look at it kind of like playing paintball - you know you're going to get some splatter on you. In some instances, your going to take a splat to the face and get a mouthfull of Yellow No. 2. You're going to have gamemates who have similar skills... and in some cases not so much. You're going to have gamemates who have greater skills; sometimes MUCH greater (Shelby winks at dear Leolaia!).
It's when your gamemate happens to be a bully, however, that things get dicey. You know who I mean: the one who starts throwing the paint gun at you... and then his helmet, his goggles, shield, shoes, heck, the paint CAN... because you unintentionally "clocked" him one. But the real problem is that even if you as gently, peacefully, and kindly as you can (and you can only do so much in a game of paintball)... you really can't avoid the true bully. Because he will come after you... wherever you may be. HE... will seek YOU... out. Because he can't help it: you are his "reason" for living. He can't BE a bully, without some TO bully.
And it's really bad... when he won't let you go. Won't let you back away and leave the game. Instead, he follows you around, taunting you, calling you names, calling you out. You ask him to stop... which he takes as a sign of weakness.
Reminds me of the little boys who used to chase me at school! I would RUN... hoo-wee! But at some point, you simply have to stop running... turn around... draw back your hand... and smack 'em. Hard. Which I learned caused two results: they either fall in love with you... or they hate you. Both of which causes them to treat you poorly even more.
Boys. Go figure. But... you gotta love 'em.
Peace, dear Lady... and to those who play, happy paintballin' to you!
A slave of Christ,
SA
Shelby that has got to be the best post of yours I have ever read BRAVO
Dear Lady Lee... thank you and the greatest of love and peace to you! You have a PM, if I may bother you so.
Again, peace to you!
Your servant and a slave of Christ,
SA
