Earlier today I made a comment on a thread about how I perceive a poster.
My perception is mine and mine alone. I am responsible for it. How I perceive what someone posts to me is also my responsibility.
If I have a run-in with someone on the board there is a good chance the next time I see that person post something I don't like I will add my past perception to their post.
For example: Let's say Poster XYZZZ told me off. I was pretty hurt by what he said. Now I could have taken that hurt and not dealt with it in a healthy way. Then the next time I see him post something I take those negative feelings and add them to whatever post he makes even if his post is not directed towards me. Pretty soon I see all his posts as being very negative.
Another example: I didn't sleep well, got up and had a fight with my neighbor and come in here and am still stewing about the neighbor. The first thread I open doesn't please me. Or the second or the third. By the fourth thread I am ready to let someone have it. So I let out on the first person I don't agree with. They react in shock and the two of us go at it with many others piling in to have their say thinking this is a good place to unload all their frustrations.
One more example: I just had a huge fight with my still-a-JW relative or maybe I just clammed up and said nothing because I knew it could turn into a big fight which I don't want. So I come in here and find the first person that I don't like and let them have it.
The point in all three is that my mood is going to affect my perceptions; how I read a person's post. If I am feeling good I will probably find a lot of happy posts. But if I am feeling angry I may just be itching to let out my anger. To justify my letting out my anger I find someone I know I can disagree with. I will interpret whatever they say negatively. I may even give them a voice in my head that is haughty or arrogant or angry.
Now the other person posting may not have meant what I read into the post. Far from it. But because we have no body language, or facial expression, or tone of voice on the internet we will lean heavily towards adding them. And we could be dead wrong.
But if we take our perception and put it on someone and we are wrong then we are hurting not only them but ourselves. We may still never agree with a poster. Maybe we did argue the last time we posted on the same thread. But we cannot take the past and use it to say that is how things are today. This posted said some really hurtful things to me the last time so that is how they are feeling all the time. Well maybe it is but maybe it isn't. Just like us maybe they were having a bad day last time we posted together.
I know how hard it is to stop myself from putting my perception on another poster. It is soooo easy to do and feels so natural. But. . . my perception needs to be validated. In the past I have PMed the person and asked about the problem; if they really meant it the way it "sounded" because "sounded" is simply my perception, my interpretation. And most often they were shocked that I took it that way because that isn't what they meant at all. We cleared the air and were ready for a fresh start. I discovered my perception was wrong. Lesson learned
Granted there have been some posters over the years that were obnoxious. They were nasty to just about everybody. Well then you have to choice to join in the nastiness and get down to their level or find a way to rise above it and behave like an adult. Or we can just avoid that poster. This too is part of our learning experience in relationships.
But before you hit that SUBMIT button ask yourself about your perceptions and how accurate they might be. You might learn some very important lessons about yourself