I had a "worldly" girlfriend who wasn't interested in the "truth" when I met the sister who was to become my wife. The "worldly" girlfriend wanted to live together and I wanted to stay a JW so it wasn't on. I was tired of dating, falling in love etc. and my wife chased me so we married in less than a year. I was mid twenties. We never had chaperones on dates. An elder asked to speak with me at one meeting as I had been seen coming out of the sister's flat late at night. I told him I'll make sure nobody sees me next time and walked away. We've been married 25 years.
For Those Who Married "in the truth"
by Magwitch 25 Replies latest social relationships
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OnTheWayOut
How did you meet your mate (convention, local hall)?
I was a young adult studying and attending meetings at the hall and she was nearly a high school graduate attending the same local hall. She was a year out of high school before we stared dating.
Did you date long?
We dated for perhaps 6 months before we got engaged. It was another 9 months of dating before our wedding.
Did you really have anything in common other than the same religion?
We seemed to enjoy the same type of activities and conversations. We had different interests also, but had no problem adapting to that.
But I doubt I would have considered dating such a different person from such a different background without the religion in common.Did you have to have a constant chaperone? If you did not have a chaperone - were you guilty of pre-marriage brazen conduct?
We generally had chaperones. People actually didn't avail themselves for very long. We had been dating with married couples as chaperones and often went to their homes or out to dinner and sometimes to movies with these couples. It got more and more difficult to find chaperones after we were engaged. We switched to simply meeting each other at public places- the mall or restaurants. We heeded the advice to avoid being alone together in the car or at a home because everyone knows we would just lose control and have sex on the spot. We never did, despite many opportunities. Our first french kiss was at the end of our wedding ceremony.
Were you desperate to find anyone with a beating heart that was a JW just because you needed sex or wanted to get away from your parents?
Certainly not the case with me. I did want what men want, but it wasn't a desparation thing. For her, she seemed okay at home with her parents, but it is possible that she wanted to move on to adulthood by getting married. She says "marrying a good brother" is what was expected of her from her parents. She says they had no career/college goals for her whatsoever, just marrying a good brother. -
Magwitch
Morbidzbaby...I am so sorry you lost your children because of this cult. I hope you can get them back very, very soon!
OTWO..."I was a young adult studying and attending meetings at the hall." I am surprised that your wife's parents allowed you to date. My parents would never, ever let me date a babe in the truth.
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jookbeard
we dated for 2 years from 1988 and married in 1990, I knew her as a acquaintance in the group we hung with , we called it off a couple of times due to the fact that we both felt too young to marry and the pressure that is put on young Dubs to marry at such an early stage in a relationship put us off somewhat, we had little in common TBH but there was a very strong sexual chemistry between us and we engaged in every form of loose conduct and engaged in very brief penetrative sex a couple of times, no one ever knew, I was a up and coming potential MS and she was viewed as a very spiritually strong sister in her cong, we had plenty of time to be alone together and no one ever raised an eyebrows and chaperon issues rarely presented much of a problem, as most young couples we knew were dabbling in all sorts of loose conduct, a very good friend of mine used to sleep over at his fiance's place every weekend just the 2 of them. The cracks began to appear in the weeks leading up to the wedding and she clearly viewed me as the man who could not fulfill her spiritual/emotional needs, I was surprised we lasted the full 5 years I thought we'd be lucky to make 1(we had negative equity in our place) and I began my full descent into the world of "apostasy" about 1992 and ceased full contact with the cong then, she was developing into a down ward emotional spiral that was shocking she represented a danger to myself and her. We separated and divorced in 1995, thank goodness we never had kids! There are always little events that show the final nail in the coffin of any relationship and a rare visit to the KH I noticed my name had been deleted form the Book Study groups, I found that a little sad in a funny kind of way.
It seems a lifetime away now, and enjoy life as a family man with great kids, life can be great when we move on from this monstrosity.
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andy5421
"But she was ALWAYS one who would find some relic from the past to beat me up emotionally about."
Typical woman: Dragging shit up from the past to beat you over the head and shoulders with. and holding it over your head like the Sword of Damaclees.
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Rattigan350
We met initially at a Quick Build, but didn't start dating until I met her again two years later in May at a Circuit assembly, then later that month at another quickbuild, then at the district convention. Then I went and visited her congregation and we started dating. It was a 2.5 hour drive so we dated for 2 months until we got engaged, then got married 2 months later.
We had religion and other things in common like Sci Fi, building projects but she was more caught up in the religion than I was and more judgmental. One day after the Sunday meeting we were driving to her roomates and her place and she criticized me for not underlining my Watchtower, though I had commented. She said that others could see that and think that I don't prepare. I should have run at that point as she was more interested in pleasing others than our relationship.
We had constant chaperones which lead to things going faster than it needed to. We were not guilty of premarital brazen conduct as I did not want to taint things and I wanted ot use my head rather than other parts...
There were so many women in the organization that were higher level than I, they were the AAA club, Available After Armageddon. Or if they weren't that way, they were low quality. So many women in the organization were so fickle that they really don't know how to get into or have a relationship.