No Spiritual Heritage

serenitynow!

For the born/raised ins, do you feel that you no longer have a spiritual heritage/background/traditions? I was sitting at my desk absentmindedly humming a "kingdom melody" from the brown songbook, when I realized what I was doing and made myself stop. There were songs that I really enjoyed. I hate that there is a whole chunk of my life that has been tainted. I mean it seems like "worldy" people may have hymns or prayers etc, that they learned as kids, and even if they aren't active in that church now, they still have fond memories. When I would feel anxious or scared (as a JW) I would pray. Now that I've been forced to reexamine my belief system and no longer believe there is a god, I don't have that faith to lean on.

It's like I don't have a background/traditions or pleasant memories that are not tainted by the cult. Does anyone else have that feeling of loss?

journey-on

I understand what you're saying, serenitynow. Being raised a JW, I feel like it's a sort of subculture of society. It is indeed part of your cultural heritage in a way, and I think you will probably always feel a tad connected to them because of it. Those that were not raised in it probably don't have that feeling.

For a long time after I left, I felt like I couldn't even pray. I felt unbalanced and disconnected although I knew I HAD to leave. After awhile, I began to pray again, but differently...more personally. It's been so much better and more spiritually fulfilling for me. But the witnesses were my childhood and young adulthood, so yeah, I accept that it was/is a part of my "cultural background" but have tried to go beyond it.

lil.lady.03

That's a good question? Because some of those memories are good ones.

I've thought about that though. If I ever get married and have kids, what am I going to teach them as a tradition?"

really anything I remember does involve being a Jdub. Like CO lunches, working at the assemblies, or long service days in a car full of elderly gossiping hens jus chucklin and cacklin all day.

Yet, those were only fun because the poeple I was with made them fun at the time.

Even recreation activities had some type of Jdub slant to it. From camping trips to getaway weekends.

I really don't want to raise my kids as JWs but what am I going to pass on?

I don't know my stand on holidays yet either. esp halloween, xmas, and birthddays.

I'm the scary type anyway, so I think for me halloween is going to be a "ask your dad" thing

But really, what am I going to say, "baby please forgive mommy for not knowing how to wrap a present. I never learned when I was little like you. I can put it in a gift bag if that helps. And sorry I don't know any songs to sing. Go ask your dad." thats not going to work

Feels like we gotta be reborn or something, huh?

NiceDream

A great thing is you can start anytime and make new traditions for your family. You can pass on whatever you like! Little things like going to pick apples or pumpkins in the fall is one I'd like to make. Or having a movie night and make popcorn every Friday night. You can even decorate for the seasons to make your home look a little festive without having "holiday" decorations if you're not ready yet.

Some of my best memories that don't involve anything JW was going to the park or beach as a family, or going to the fair every summer. Simple little things that made you feel special as a child.

I haven't celebrated holidays yet because my husband is inactive, but mentally still "in," but I am looking forward to celebrating Christmas. I've always loved the decorations and carols.

One of my friends faded and is married to a "wordly" guy, and he is really sweet about holidays. He walks her through holiday festivities and they've made their own traditions.

serenitynow!

One of my friends faded and is married to a "wordly" guy, and he is really sweet about holidays. He walks her through holiday festivities and they've made their own traditions.

That's nice that she has a person to help her be "normal."

NiceDream

Sorry I didn't really answer your question. My parents became witnesses when I was 4, so I remember celebrating Halloween and Christmas once. For the most part, I felt left out at school when the other kids got to exchange Valentines or sing carols.

Sometimes I do feel sad that my parents didn't do anything special instead of holidays...like wrap a gift up for me. We didn't do much as a family when I got a bit older, and that's a sad heritage to give your child. We didn't do much spiritually as a family either, so I felt like I was in a weird limbo.

NiceDream

"That's nice that she has a person to help her be 'normal'." (Sorry, don't know how to box quote)

She is really lucky to have that. I don't really know how to throw a holiday party or anything either, but I did have a little 'unbirthday' party for my little guy. The cupcake I made had a super crappy icing job on it, but the candles kinda took away from that. The look on my little boy's face was priceless when he got to blow out the candle.

Farkel

: There were songs that I really enjoyed. I hate that there is a whole chunk of my life that has been tainted.

Me, too. Those songs really sucked, and nearly ruined my love for decent music.

Farkel

serenitynow!

Come on Farkel, they weren't all bad! Maybe it's because I like classical music, and piano. And there are emotions tied to some of those songs for me.

jamiebowers

Not being a born or raised in jw, I did get to celebrate birthdays and holidays until the age of 12. However after being df'd, the person who gave me those traditions wouldn't speak to me or celebrate anyway, (my jw mom). My advice is to make your own heritage, even if you don't have kids. Participate in a charity or holiday food or toy drive. Do something for somebody else, and you'll learn what the holiday spirit is all about. Even if you bake or cook something special and share it wih your co-workers is a good start.

Later, as you develop relationships outside of the borg, finding the perfect gift for someone you love is a real thrill. My husband is very difficult to buy for, so, more often than not, a special dish or baked goods rock his world. But this year for his 60th birthday, the kids and I went together and bought him a new grill. He actually hugged it! We all got a big laugh out of that, and I didn't have to cook for almost two weeks straight. A win-win, LOL!

No Spiritual Heritage

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