Well my mom and I got into a pretty bad argument today over the phone. It basically came down to the fact that she couldn't handle what I was saying about the organization, etc and all she could come back to me was that I "hated her?" I guess I just wanted to share and vent a little too....Thanks for letting me do so.
Hey mom,
I do not hate you. I am sorry you think that. What I am having an issue with is the fact that a religion was presented as "truth" to me so much to the extent I was guilted and forced into being part of that religion. To the extent that everything I knew and loved about my life at the time was just yanked away. My life completely was turned upside down because of something you felt the need to do. Well as an adult with a child of my own I have to come to my own decisions about God and religion, etc. Just as you dreamed of a family I had dreams too but I was not allowed to pursue my dreams because the things I wanted to do were viewed as "bad" and "worldly" when in reality there was nothing at all wrong with them. (Insert hubby's name here) and I couldn't even dream of a family of our own because like many young witness couples we know that the society really didn't promote having a family but rather put kingdom interests first. Thank goodness (insert child's name here) was not planned and came into our lives or else we would've never had children. People our age were told when we were teenagers by the organization that college is bad and so we sacrificed that and now are paying the price for that. I was forced to give up good friends and activities that meant so much to me just because 12 men in Brooklyn deemed those things were bad when in reality the bible does not even speak of the things I wanted to do. I can't get my youth back. I can't go back and get back teenage years. They are gone. The only thing I can do is to make sure my child has what I did not and does not go through what I was forced to endure. You don't know how I feel because even though you love me you just can't put yourself in my shoes. How do you think it felt to be a "normal" person in school one year and have friends and be involved and then the next year not being allowed to do anything....do you really think that was healthy for me? At the same time I am being forced to make all these changes and even go out in the ministry for goodness sake in my own neighborhood (insert brother's name here) is not forced to even go to meetings.........You shoved a RELIGION down my throat and its unscriptural rules down my throat. It would have been different if I could have been shown God's love and mercy and able to make a well informed decision on my own but I was not granted that right. When something is presented as the "truth" so much that it causes suffering and sacrifice and you are brainwashed to believe that is how it is supposed to be only to find out it is NOT truth.....yeah I am a little angry and rightly so. If you can't see how I would be angry then you are not an empathetic person at all. I have said my peace and am done. Since we have insurance now I plan on going to get counseling to deal with the anger I have for all of the injustices that were done to me. I have a long list and one of those on my list is being forced to be part of a crazy fanatic religious cult that puts rules and regulations over imitating Christ and being a good kind person. The witness religion has ruined many peoples' lives especially those that really didn't have a say and were forced or guilted into that lifestyle. At the age of 36 I have to once again start my life again and start from scratch. I refuse to be part of any organization that feels like it is okay to let your child die from withholding a blood transfusion. I refuse to be part of an organization that believes Jesus is the mediator for only 144,000 people and not for everybody even though that is a clear contradiction of the scriptures. I refuse to be part of an organization that is sitting on millions and millions of dollars and still the humble little sheep have to pay for the CO's expenses, the building of kingdom halls, to rent assembly halls for conventions, etc. What does the society's money go to? Certainly not community programs that is for sure.......Bethelites take a vow of poverty so they are not paid.......Business is business. Corporations are corporations. The Watchtower is just that, a greedy corporation keeping its members in fear so that they will be good little humble sheep and do what they are told whether it makes sense or not or even whether it is in the bible or not. If a religion is going to claim to be God's only organization on earth they best make sure they can live up to as that is one mighty claim and in my opinion the society has failed greatly.