by rafreuter 53 Replies latest jw experiences
Hello there rafreuter! Another new one. Awesome. They just keep coming...
Whatever you do, don't put yourself back into a bad situation. Being among the borg is quite literally bad for your health. Don't do it! Hang in there...
EDIT: Check this out...
http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/199082/1/You-can-live-a-lie-until-you-die
V665
PS: Another newb alert: someone calling him/herself Liberty93 has just posted a first thread. Say hi everybody!
Raf, I can only answer from my ownlife experiance, and will tell you this.. when I moved out of my parents house it was into bethel. It was still hard. I faced a lot of the same emotions you feel. Its not leaving the WT thats doing this, its being on your own. Just give it time, dude.. just give it time. It takes a while to find your balance when your not living at home anymore. Trust me it DOES get better. Every day.
Rafreuter,
My story is very similar to yours. You have a huge void to fill. It's like making a choice between junk food and real food. Do you want real love or that phony KH shit? You can have real love from God, friends and yourself. Possibly even your parents if you are willing to put in the hard work and build a real life and not just conform to what some crackpot came up with in Brooklyn.
The only warning I will give is against being overly judgemental and naive. As someone raised in and that left home and the KH the day I turned 18 I wasted a lot of time in my 20's oscillating between being a dumbass or a prick. The KH teaches you nothing about forgiveness, grace or real love. Read books on these subjects and keep an open mind. You will find your own answers.
In the end my parents accepted me more and more and every year and we grew closer as I forgave them and opened up more to them.
You are in the real world now, no one is or expects you to be perfect in order to be loved.
Welcome to JWN. First off, it seems you already understand the poor translations of the Bible, so I've got nothing further to say about that. Second, I hope you consider just how dangerous the Watchtower is. It it a cult that expects submission to the death. Another important book for you to read that will convince you of that fact is "Combatting Cult Mind Control" By Steven Hassan. You should also Google Lifton's Eight Criteria for Cult Mind Control.
Next, the anxiety you're feeling is completely normal. You went from being a child to an adult in one day. My stepson turned 18 in November of his senior year in high school. As he was approaching graduation, he felt very afraid of what would come. And he had a family who supported him in every way. As you start to progress in life, your fears will lessen.
Counseling will go a long way in helping you to adapt to this early onset of adulthood. There are mental health clinics in every city that provide treatment based on income. Check it out. You may not be able to find a therapist who is familiar with cult mind control, but there are several books that one can read to be of further assistance to you.
Please don't base your opinion of all "worldly" people on any one person or group. For instance, if things don't work out with the family with which you are living, don't think that you have to go running back to the borg. You will experience disappointments in life, but that's to be expected. The key thing is to finish high school and get into college. Then you will be with other kids who are newly experiencing adulthood at the same time.
I know it's tough to lose your parents. They may eventually come around in time, but there's also a strong possibility that they never will. My mother has shunned me for 22 years without let up. But you will find people on this board as well as people in real life who will take the place of those who you've lost. At some point, you will realize that although your family's love can't be perfectly replaced, you will be able to replicate what was taken from you and give it to someone else.
That's what I do, and that's what helps me through it. I am at the age now that my mother was when I was df'd. Now I can imagine what she could and should be doing in my life and give it away to others. There are many ex and exiting jws who I've emotionally adopted as my children or much younger siblings. It happens all the time in our motley crew, LOL!
I am pm'ing you my phone number. Call if you need or want to. I work at home, so I'm here most of the time. The only time I'm really tied up is on Sunday nights after 9 p.m. and all day on Monday. Also I go by my real name and use the same avatar here and on FaceBook. Look me up!
Thank you all for the support. I've made the decision to go back home tomorrow unless something Dramatic happens to change that. I thank you all for the support and wish you well in life.
With or without the org, I can't function without my family. I was too much a part of them and nothing would be the same without their support. Maybe someday I'l be back here? Who knows? :]
Welcome. You are going through two tramatic events simultaneously, so it will take time to recover from the shock, but it will get better.
With or without the org, I can't function without my family.
I encourage you to try to patch things up with your family as they are important. But, as you already mentioned, you cannot change being gay. Will your family accept you for that? You cannot change your sexuality and now you know the Watchtower is not truth you cannot hid from that knowledge. At some point you will realise that life is not going to be happy if you live a lie.
Raf,
I've lurked for a bit, but your post requires a response.
I left home at 18 too..well kicked out of it, to be honest. It was terrifying, and watching my mother cry hysterically scarred me even to this day. I had been pretty sheltered so I had friends out of the org, and was utterly alone.
I even tried to go back, but once I knew the truth, I could no longer pretend, so eventually I broke free.
12 years (and some great therapy) later, I am happy and finally at peace.
My cousin was not as lucky. He was gay, and left when he was 18. He spent his adulthood trying to deny who he was, trying to "ungay" himself so he could win his family back. I'm sad to say I shunned him until I learned the truth about the truth.
He never found happiness or a sense of contentment with who he was because he desperately wanted to win his family back. The only time my family was really supportive was the few days before his death, as they streamed in and out of his hospital room to make their peace....after they had spent the the last decade treating him as if he was already dead.
At his funeral, I cried not only because I had lost him, but because he never saw how beautiful and amazing he was. He died without ever really being true to himself. And this man, who had the purest soul of any person I had ever known, had died because our family had broken his heart.
Please, I'm begging you, don't do the same. Please be true to yourself, no matter how hard it is. I know it's terrifying, but the alternative of spending your life never truly living is even more terrifying.
Please, give yourself more time. Please. I'm begging you.
Welcome cherrypye. Will we be hearing your story?
rafreuter. I'll repeat my point. DON'T DO IT! Don't go back. Being in that evirontment WILL make you sick. The depression might drive you around the bend! The heartache will not be worth it. I'll regret 'returning to the fold' every day of my life for as long as I live. You might too...
V665
Thanks for the pm. I wrote my response before reading the one from Cherrypye. Please think carefully about your decision, because she is absolutely right.
Dude, if you go back and stay, you are:
Playing by their rules
Accepting conditional love and friendship
Will never be able to know the love of a partner
Accepting being alone forever unless you lie about what you want.
Are you cool with that? NEVER knowing true love in a relationship?
