Mom in hospital, WHAT TO DO?

by Out at Last! 27 Replies latest jw friends

  • tec

    Sam - I think like that too. Do what's right, regardless of what others do or think about it. It makes things so much simpler for YOU.


  • Scully

    Send flowers to her hospital room. In the card, offer to visit or help her if she needs it.

    The WTS allows for "urgent family business" to trump shunning. I would guess that hospitalization qualifies as "urgent family business", but your mother may disagree.

  • StAnn

    OAL, when my mother is hospitalized~and I somehow find out about it~I always call the hospital and speak to the nurse every day to get updates. I always tell the nurse that I live out of town, which is true, although I'd have gone in person no matter what if my mother weren't Borg.

    I like the sending flowers idea. Add that with a daily phone call and you'll keep updated on your mom while letting her know that you love her.

  • BabaYaga

    We usually only regret the things we didn't do.

    You never know how people are going to react. A friend of mine (who is considered apostate and has been shunned by his beloved mother for many years) went to the hospital when her health was in danger. They have been in communication ever since. He has been in pain missing her (and she has been in pain missing him, thinking she was doing the right thing) for over a decade. Now that long, painful chapter is behind them.

    Go. But don't force anything. Go in peace and love and don't act angry if things don't go as planned... be as calm and loving as you can be. If nothing else, you don't want to add stress to someone who is hospitalized.


  • jamiebowers

    Sweet Baby Brother, she made her choice 22 years ago with me and recently with you. My primary concern is you. I have two suggestions:

    1. I'll call her to see if she has changed her mind about shunning us to spare you the pain.
    2. If you have three way calling, we can call her together and either bear the pain of shunning together or have the opportunity for both of us to ask questions and find out what's going on.
    3. Depending on how serious it is, we can either just send her something, (not flowers because of her hayfever), or drive there to see her, if she'll have us.

    I've also got to say KUDOS to Aunt B. for calling Aunt E. to get a message to us. Good for her! I'm going to call Aunt B's youngest son to send a message of thanks for that.

    Shit, I've dreaded something like this happening for more than 20 years. At least I've got you now. Wouldn't we be a sight, walking in her hospital room together?!

    Well, I called Aunt E back, and she said the symptoms started earlier and got worse, but she doesn't know if it all happened on the same day or over time. If mum is going to be really pissy, maybe L the RN could call. Anyway, I'll call you tomorrow morning between 9 and 10.

    Love ya!

  • Lozhasleft

    Its extraordinary how we all think after the husband is an atheist who's always despised religions and the control and oppression they have used over people. Meeting and marrying me has only reaffirmed his disdain esp for JWs of course - but his 'take' on the Disfellowshipped/Shunning situation is quite different.

    His reasoning is very simple. There are NO, repeat NO restrictions upon US at all.

    This means that we're free, completely free, to call or mail or speak or even visit, anyone we please ! We are no longer under any obligation or need to live under their rules ! For instance, if I happen to see a witness I was friends with in public, my hubby suggests that there's no reason whatsoever that I shouldnt speak to them. And recently I've begun adopting the attitude. I spoke to a dear friend's husband on the phone as if nothing was wrong between us and he was just fine.....and I'm sure many would respond similarly.....

    Of course, by being this assertive for our rights to be treated as humans we do face possible take care about what you can handle...but for me I feel it gives me back my rights to myself...instead of living with their thinking that I'M not allowed to speak/visit /whatever to people I care about. Hope it helps a little?

    Loz x

  • jamiebowers
    This means that we're free, completely free, to call or mail or speak or even visit, anyone we please !

    Unfortunately that's NOT the case with our mother. She's rejected both of our attempts to speak to her..the last time I tried was June of last year, and the last time OAL tried was November of last year. While we're no longer under Watchtower rules, we can't force our mother to talk to us.

  • Lozhasleft

    I know Jamie hunny, I know, its so hard, I've got the same probs with my adult kids....its just that the Org makes us feel that we cant and thats a disgrace and so unfair to us...sadly rejection is sometimes all we'll get....Big hugs to you and your brother.

    Loz x

  • ambersun

    Oh, what an awful dilemma. I feel so much for you . I would suggest trying to contact an elder from the congregation who knows your mother well enough to talk to her on your behalf and maybe reassure her that it is OK to have contact with you in these circumstances. After all, accepting a visit from you while she is ill in hospital is different from seeing you socially. There is so much fear attached to that religion that maybe she just needs to be reassured that Jehovah is not going to punish her for accepting a visit from you while she is in the hospital. If she still refuses there is not much you can do, but at least you have tried your best. Take care xxx

  • Out at Last!
    Out at Last!

    The idea of talking to an elder is sooo repulsive, I'd rather "jab a sharp stick in my eye" to quote Clint Eastwood. I will make up my own mind, doing what I think is right while trying to respect my mothers decision. I still don't know exactly what course of action that will be yet, but I can assure that it will not include talking to any elder. I will not let them control me by their ideas or whims, it is nothing about obeying watchtower rules, it is trying to respect her decision, however ridiculous I feel it is, and do what a son should.

Share this