Blondie's Comments You Will Not Hear at the 08-22-10 WT Study (SPEECH)

Maybe it’s because I am a woman, but the only people who yelled at me in so-called Christian settings were men, elders. I hadn’t yelled or attacked the WTS or their authority, merely asked why time after time they had not shown Christian love.

This was done in front of others, even my jw husband…when other elders intervened and admitted these men had been way out of line, never a personal apology by these elders, but other elders who had never been present. One even said he had the right to yell at me because Jesus had “yelled” at Martha…..?????

START OF ARTICLE

Q1,2. What good resulted from a brother’s gracious

speech?

1. “WHILE preaching from door to door, I

met a man who became so angry that

his lips quivered and his whole body shook,”

reports one brother. “I calmly tried to reason

with him from the Scriptures, but his anger

only intensified. His wife and children

joined in berating me, and I knew it was

time to leave. I assured the family that I had

come in peace and wished to go in peace. I

showed them Galatians 5:22 and 23, where

love, mildness, self-control, and peace are

mentioned. Then I left.

COMMENTS

Note that this jw does not tell what it was that upset this man and his family; that it might even have been valid, worthy of an apology.

I can tell you this, if these people were that upset, taking the time to show them a scripture implying they were in the wrong would have escalated this situation.

I was with an older jw woman where a man confronted us about jw lack of participation in the military and the flag salute. She quickly told him that the flag was a pagan symbol and of the devil…can you guess…he was even angrier and started chasing us out to the sidewalk with this jw woman yelling at him that she had the legal right to come to his door.

Or the jw woman who told a landlord that we did not have to leave his property…yes, because we had the legal right to be there. Both women were regular pioneers. Jws were banned from both locations for years to the chagrin of the BOE.

2 “Later, while calling on homes across the

street, I saw the family sitting on their front

steps. They called me over. ‘What now?’ I

thought. The man had a jug of cool water

and offered me a drink. He apologized for

his rudeness and commended me for my

strong faith. We parted on good terms.”

COMMENTS

So who were the real Christians here? The jw man who dropped by unannounced and corrected them with a scripture and did not apologize. Who was being rude? Notice that the point(s) of contention are still not given here.

Q3. Why must we resist letting others make us angry?

3 In today’s pressure-filled world, encountering

angry people, including in the ministry,

is often unavoidable. When we do, it is

essential that we display “a mild temper and

deep respect.” (1 Pet. 3:15) Had the brother

mentioned above allowed the householder’s

wrath and unkindness to cause him to

become angry, the man’s attitude would not

likely have softened as it did; he might have

become even angrier. Because the brother

controlled himself and spoke graciously, the

outcome was good.

COMMENTS

Did you encounter angry people? How do you think people might feel if they have a faith that sustains them and then jws call implying there is something wrong with that faith? Or the man who told me he had observed first hand the lack of Christian love by jws…a 16-year-old jw girl lived next door and had become pregnant. Her parents kicked her out and refused to provide a home for her and her soon to be born child. First, legally she was underage and her parents could not do this. Second, this man told me that no one in her congregation would help her. So his family had given her a home. Believe me, I could find no scripture to explain that. This was a new congregation for me so I asked and was told the man was lying…I checked with another government source who confirmed it was true. Then the elders said they had no control over what the father did in his own household…even though he broke the law by kicking a 16-year-old out into the cold.

Are you telling me that many, many jws don’t walk away from a non-jw’s home and conclude that this person is doomed to eternal death, is a goat?

What do jws believe when someone “rejects Jesus’ rule”? Equals rejecting the WTS/FDS/GB.

***w95 1 0/15 p. 26 par. 15 What Future for the Sheep and the Goats? ***

Preferring the wicked world, goatlike ones reject the Kingdom message, whether hearing it directly or indirectly.

*** w653/15 p. 176 par. 10 Our Own Twentieth-Century Generation and the Resurrection***The undedicated children of goatish people will not be spared from execution and being sentenced to Gehenna just because they are themselves minor, unresponsible children.

What Makes Speech Gracious?

Q4. Why is it important to use gracious speech?

4 Whether we are dealing with those outside

or those inside the congregation, even

with family members, it is vital to follow the

apostle Paul’s counsel: “Let your utterance

be always with graciousness, seasoned with

salt.” (Col. 4:6) Such tasteful, appropriate

speech is essential to good communication

and peace.

COMMENTS

Have you see fights between elders, elder bodies, families at the kingdom hall?

Have you learned about fights between elders at their meetings? Congregations where factions have broken off following one elder or another?

Q5. What does good communication not mean? Illustrate .

5 Good communication does not mean

saying everything you are thinking and feeling

at any given moment, especially if you

are upset. The Scriptures show that uncontrolled

expression of anger is a mark of weakness,

not of strength. (Read Proverbs 25:28;

29:11.) Moses—“by far the meekest” of all

men then alive—once let the rebelliousness

of the nation of Israel cause him to lose

his temper and fail to give glory to God.

Moses very clearly communicated how he

felt, but Jehovah was not pleased. After 40

years of leading the Israelites, Moses did not

have the privilege of taking them into the

Promised Land.—Num. 12:3; 20:10, 12; Ps.

106:32.

COMMENTS

What about Rutherford…here is a letter from a WT attorney. Does this sound like graciousness of speech?

http://www.docbob.org/modules.php?name=Content&pa=showpage&pid=21

Why didn’t God forgive Moses as he had Miriam and Aaron for idolatry?

Q6. Being discreet in our speech means what?

6 The Scriptures commend the exercising

of restraint and discretion, or good judgment,

when we speak. “In the abundance of

words there does not fail to be transgression,

but the one keeping his lips in check is acting

discreetly.” (Prov. 10:19; 17:27) Yet, discretion

does not mean never expressing oneself.

It means speaking “with graciousness,”

using the tongue to heal rather than to hurt.

—Read Proverbs 12:18; 18:21.

COMMENTS

So if discretion does not mean never expressing oneself, how is it that the WTS holds back from “expressing” itself to the legal authorities regarding child abuse cases unless SECULAR law requires it?

How does the WTS “heal” in these situations?

“A Time to Keep Quiet and a Time to Speak”

Q7. What sort of things should not be expressed, and

why?

7 Just as we need to show graciousness

and restraint when speaking with workmates

or with strangers in the ministry, we also

need to do so in the congregation and at

home. Venting anger without concern for

the consequences can cause serious damage

to our own and others’ spiritual, emotional,

and physical health. (Prov. 18:6, 7) Bad feelings—

manifestations of our imperfect nature—

must be controlled. Abusive speech,

ridicule, contempt, and hateful wrath are

wrong. (Col. 3:8; Jas. 1:20) They can destroy

precious relationships with other people and

with Jehovah. Jesus taught: “Everyone who

continues wrathful with his brother will be

accountable to the court of justice; but whoever

addresses his brother with an unspeakable word

of contempt will be accountable to

the Supreme Court; whereas whoever says,

‘You despicable fool!’ will be liable to the

fiery Gehenna.”—Matt. 5:22.

COMMENTS

I can remember several sisters who came to an elder in our congregation about the verbal abuse they had to put up with by their MS and elder husbands. This elder naively thought he should apply these scriptures and that these men should not have “privileges.” Instead, the BOE appointed the MS an elder and re-appointed one as an elder.

So should these children and women wait for God to send these men to Gehenna?

Q8. When must we express our feelings, but in what

way?

8 There are some matters, though, on

Which we may conclude that it is best to communicate.

If something a brother has said or done disturbs

you so much that you cannot

simply pass it over, do not let hateful feelings

fester in your heart. (Prov. 19:11) If someone

angers you, get your own emotions under

control and then take the steps needed to resolve

the matter. Paul wrote: “Let the sun not

set with you in a provoked state.” Because the

problem continues to trouble you, address it

kindly at an opportune time. (Read Ephesians

4:26, 27, 31, 32.) Speak with your brother

about the matter, frankly but graciously, in

a spirit of reconciliation.—Lev. 19:17; Matt.

18:15.

COMMENTS

Wouldn’t abuse be something worthy of being communicated? Isn’t that something that disturbs more than one person? Is it something that even falls under the Matthew 18 WT principle? Should be a spirit of reconciliation?

Picture: Let your own emotions

settle, and then find an

opportune time to talk

Q9. Why should we get our own emotions under

control before approaching others?

9 Of course, you should take care to select

the proper time. There is “a time to keep

quiet and a time to speak.” (Eccl. 3:1, 7)

Moreover, “the heart of the righteous one

meditates so as to answer.” (Prov. 15:28) This

may well involve waiting to talk problems

out. Doing so when one is still very upset

could make matters worse; but neither is it

wise to wait a long time.

COMMENTS

What would be the proper time? How long should you wait? So when would you stop being upset about abuse? Why is it you can take one or more “witnesses” to minor things but not when it is a judicial committee—your word against the word of 3 men?

I can remember an elder jumping to a conclusion at a meeting about me, demanding that I explain my actions with a loud voice in front of others at the meeting, only to find out it was his wife that had done it. No apology……he merely said I could have done it and walked away.

Gracious Acts Promote Good Relationships

Q10. How can performing gracious acts improve relationships?

10 Gracious speech and good communication

help to establish and sustain peaceful

relationships. In fact, doing what we can to

improve our relationships with others can

improve our communication with them.

Reaching out to others with sincere, kind

acts—finding opportunities to help, giving a

gift from the heart, extending hospitality—

can contribute to open communication.

It can even “heap fiery coals” on a person

And may bring out good qualities, making it

easier to talk things out.—Rom.12:20, 21.

COMMENTS

Is gracious speech only something done in public? Is gossip, slander, lying gracious speech? What are elders doing when they play the good cop (kind) bad cop (liar)? Over a 10 year period I extended hospitality to many people, one elder in particular. He kept accepting and then later backing out, probably 20 times. Finally, we signed up for hospitality at the public talk. He backed out again…it turns out he had made plans after the fact with his “special friends.” I’d like to say I’m an ugly witch with a wart on my nose, but not so. I just read this scripture.

(Psalm15:4) . . .He has sworn to what is bad [for himself], and yet he does not alter.

Even on paper the WTS knows that.

***w06 5/15 p. 19 Highlights From Book One of Psalms ***

Unless we come to the realization that we have made an unscriptural promise, we should do all we can to fulfill our word, even if it is very difficult to do so

Q11. How did Jacob reach out to Esau, and with what

result?

11 The patriarch Jacob understood this.

His twin brother, Esau, was so angry with

him that Jacob fled for fear Esau would kill

him. After many years, Jacob returned. Esau

came out to meet him, along with 400 men.

Jacob prayed for Jehovah’s help. Then he

sent ahead to Esau a large gift of livestock.

The gift achieved its purpose. When they

met, Esau’s heart had softened, and he ran

and embraced Jacob.—Gen. 27:41-44; 32:6,

11, 13-15; 33:4, 10.

COMMENTS

So why was Esau angry? Hadn’t Jacob tricked him and Isaac rather than helping him? Perhaps thinking that it was God’s will? Had Esau threatened to kill him?

So is the WTS saying that if an elder, CO, or DO is “pissed” with you, you should give him presents? Is that all it takes to achieve “peace” in the organization?

Encourage Others With Gracious Speech

Q12. Why should we use gracious words with our

brothers?

12 Christians serve God, not other humans.

Still, we naturally desire others’ approval.

Our gracious words can lighten the load of

our brothers and sisters. Harsh criticism,

however, can make those loads feel heavier

and even cause some to wonder if they have

lost Jehovah’s approval. Therefore, let us sincerely

communicate encouraging things to

others, “whatever saying is good for building

up as the need may be, that it may impart

what is favorable to the hearers.”—Eph. 4:29.

COMMENTS

Christians = only jws

Don’t jws serve the WTS/FDS/GB?

Did you feel that pleasing the elders = pleasing God?

***w89 9/15 p. 22 par. 10 Be Obedient to Those Taking the Lead ***

Our being obedient and submissive to congregation elders does not mean that we are men pleasers. That would be unscriptural, for first-century Christian slaves were told to obey their masters, “not with acts of eye-service, as men pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, with fear of Jehovah.” (Colossians 3:22; Ephesians 6:5, 6)

Q13. Elders ought to keep what in mind (a) when

giving counsel? (b) when preparing correspondence?

13 Elders, in particular, should be “gentle”

and treat the flock with tenderness. (1 Thess.

2:7, 8) When elders are called upon to give

counsel, their goal is to do so “with mildness,”

even when speaking with those “not

favorably disposed.” (2 Tim. 2:24, 25) Elders

should also be gracious in expressing themselves

in written correspondence when it is

necessary to correspond with another body

of elders or with the branch office. They

should be kind and tactful, in line with what

we read at Matthew 7:12.

COMMENTS

So elders (BOE) have been sending letters to other BOEs and the branch that are not “gracious”? It must be frequent enough to make a comment in a study article.

When reading the account of the shepherd who went out to find the one out of the 100 sheep that had strayed, do you think Jesus meant this? Does the sheep have to call out first before the shepherd looks for it?

***w02 3/1 p. 16 pars. 13-14 How Precious Is the Truth to You? ***

In Scotland some young lambs were grazing in a pasture when one of them strayed to the side of a hillock and tumbled onto a ledge below. It was uninjured, but it was frightened and unable to climb back. So it started to bleat plaintively. Its mother heard it, and she too began to bleat until the shepherd came and retrieved the young lamb.

Notice the sequence of events. The lamb called for help, the ewe added her voice to its cries, and the alerted shepherd sprang into action to rescue it.

Using Gracious Speech Within the Family

Q14. What counsel does Paul give husbands, and

why?

14 It is easy to underestimate the impact

that our words, facial expressions, and body

language have on others. Some men, for example,

may not be fully aware of how deeply

their words affect women. One sister said, “It

frightens me when my husband angrily raises

his voice at me.” Strong words may exert

greater force on a woman than on a man and

may stay with her for a long time. (Luke 2:19)

This is especially true of words spoken by

someone a woman loves and wants to respect.

Paul counseled husbands: “Keep on

loving your wives and do not be bitterly angry

with them.”—Col. 3:19.

COMMENTS

I wonder if that sister is frightened when other men in the congregation raise their voices? Is it only women who are frightened when the elders shout at them? Does Luke 2:19 say that Mary, Jesus’ mother, was frightened by loud words? Or that only women remember what is said them for a long time? That men cannot drag up things that were said 20 years ago and through them back at their wives? Is that to say that men are not affected when someone shows bitter anger towards them?

What does the WTS mean…that women are frightened little bunnies, more emotional than men, that men have to make consideration for their “weaknesses”?

Q15. Illustrate why a husband should treat his wife

gently.

15 In this respect, an experienced married

brother illustrated why a husband should

treat his wife gently, as “a weaker vessel.”

“When you hold a precious and delicate

vase, you must not grasp it too firmly, or it

may crack. Even if repaired, the crack may remain

visible,” he said. “If a husband uses

words that are too strong with his wife, he

may hurt her. This might cause a lasting

crack in their relationship.”—Read 1 Peter 3:7.

COMMENTS

How is a woman weaker, mentally, emotionally, etc.? The only way is that as a group men are PHYSICALLY stronger than men. Is physical strength necessary for a strong spiritual life? The jw that wrote this paragraph is “cracked.”

Why quote this translation and throw in the word “emotional”?

*** w08 2/1 p. 29 Finding Fulfillment as a Mother ***

In that case, a wise husband will pay particular attention to the Bible’s admonition: “You husbands must show understanding in your married life: treat your wives with respect, not only because they are physically weaker, but also because God’s gift of life is something you share together.” (1 Peter 3:7, The Revised English Bible) A husband shows respect for his wife by being sensitive to her physical and emotional limitations.

Q16. How can a wife build up

her family?

16 Men too can be encouraged or discouraged

by another’s words, including those of

their wives. “A discreet wife,” one in whom

her husband can really “put trust,” is considerate

of his feelings, just as she wants him to

be of hers. (Prov. 19:14; 31:11) Indeed, a wife

can have considerable influence within the

family, for good or for bad. “The truly wise

woman has built up her house, but the foolish

one tears it down with her own hands.”

—Prov.14:1.

COMMENTS

So do men then have “emotional limitations”?

Q17. (a) How should younger

ones address their parents?

(b) How should older ones address

younger ones, and why?

17 Parents and children likewise should

speak to one another with graciousness.

(Matt. 15:4) When talking to younger ones,

Thoughtfulness will help us to avoid

“exasperating” them or ‘provoking

them to wrath.’ (Col.

3:21; Eph. 6:4, ftn.) Even if

the children must be disciplined,

parents and elders

should speak to them respectfully.

In this way, older

ones make it easier for

the youths to correct their

course and maintain their

relationship with God. That

is so much better than conveying

the impression that

we have given up on them,

whereupon they may give

up on themselves. Younger

ones might not remember

all the counsel they received,

but they will remember how

others spoke to them.

COMMENTS

I grew up thinking all parents called their children “stupid” many times every day. I can remember hearing what jw parents said to their children in the restroom and/or backroom. I can remember an elder telling one 10-year-old boy at the hall that he was a failure and would not make it through Armageddon. Yes, young ones do remember, I still remember 45 years later. And will they remember all the “counsel” that is give at the end of a spoon or a hand, with a smack to the bottom or to the face?

Picture:

A man should always speak

gently to his wife

Speaking Good Things From the Heart

Q18. How can we get rid of hurtful thoughts and feelings?

18 Handling anger calmly is not simply a

matter of putting on a serene face. Our goal

should be more than merely repressing our

strong feelings. Trying to remain calm on the

outside while boiling with anger on the inside

puts us under strain. It is like stepping on

a car’s brake pedal and gas pedal both at the

same time. That puts the car under extra

stress and can cause damage. So do not bottle

up anger and let it explode later. Pray for Jehovah’s

help to rid your heart of hurtful

feelings. Let Jehovah’s spirit transform your

mind and heart to conform to his will.—Read

Romans 12:2; Ephesians 4:23, 24.

COMMENTS

How many jws put “on a serene face” at the KH and as soon as they get in the car, start in on their children or spouse who feel they have to sit there and take it or be found not showing “respect.”

Or the ones that speak nicely to your face then turn and tell their “friends” what a spiritual failure you are and regale them with your perceived faults?

Or the elders that tell others how they gave “loving” counsel to you but fail to mention how they screamed into your face and made threats how they would “ruin” you in the congregation?

Q19. What steps can help us to avoid angry confrontations?

19 Take practical steps. If you find yourself

in a tense situation and you sense anger

building inside you, it may help to leave the

scene, thus giving your emotions time to settle.

(Prov. 17:14) If the one with whom you

are speaking starts to get angry, make an extra

effort to speak graciously. Remember: “An

answer, when mild, turns away rage, but a

word causing pain makes anger to come up.”

(Prov. 15:1) A cutting or aggressive remark

would add fuel to the fire even if it is delivered

in a gentle voice. (Prov. 26:21) So when a

situation tries your self-control, be “slow

about speaking, slow about wrath.” Pray for

Jehovah’s spirit to help you to say good

things, not bad.—Jas.1:19.

COMMENTS

Leave the scene? I can remember when a sister tried quietly only to have the elder follow her out screaming? Or to have an elder use a meeting as a platform to chastise individuals in the audience?

Forgiving From the Heart

Q20, 21. What can help us to forgive others, and

why must we do so?

20 Sadly, none of us have perfect control of

the tongue. (Jas. 3:2) Despite their best efforts,

even family members and our dear spiritual

brothers and sisters may at times blurt

out things that hurt our feelings. Instead of

quickly taking offense, patiently analyze why

they may have said what they did. (Read Ecclesiastes

7:8, 9.) Were they under pressure,

fearful, not feeling well, or struggling with

some external or internal problem?

COMMENTS

Once again the WTS throws out the “imperfect” clause. It is invoked when elders are involved, but the rank and file are held responsible mercilessly.

Best efforts….I know that when elders yelled at me, it was not the first time and that they had not been “counseled” since most times another elder stood there silently and said nothing. How many verbal punches does an elder get?

21 Such factors do not excuse outbursts.

But our recognizing the factors may help us

to understand why people sometimes say

and do things they should not and may

move us to be forgiving. All of us have said

and done things that hurt others, and we

hope that they will graciously forgive us.

(Eccl. 7:21, 22) Jesus said that in order for us

to receive God’s forgiveness, we must forgive

others. (Matt. 6:14, 15; 18:21, 22, 35) Therefore,

we should be quick to apologize and

quick to forgive, thus maintaining love—the

“perfect bond of union”—within our family

and within the congregation.—Col. 3:14.

COMMENTS

If they don’t excuse, then why mention “imperfect.” Quick to apologize? I have never had an elder apologize for something he did, apologize for other elders who will not, yes.

Q22. Why is it well worth our effort to use gracious

speech?

22 Challenges to our joy and unity are likely

to increase as this present angry system

draws to its end. Applying the practical principles

in God’s Word will help us to use our

tongue to do good, not bad. We will enjoy

more peaceful relations within the congregation

and within the family, and our example

will provide an excellent witness to others

about our “happy God,” Jehovah.—1 Tim.

1:11.

COMMENTS

Is the non-jw system to blame for jw angry speech, unpeaceful relations at the kingdom hall? Wouldn’t that be just like Adam blaming Eve?

Can You Explain?

? Why is it important to select an appropriate

time to discuss problems?

? Why should family members always

speak to one another “with graciousness”?

? How can we avoid saying hurtful

things?

? What can help us to be forgiving?

CONCLUDING COMMENTS

Is the anger building in jw families, congregations, BOEs, and branches? Sounds like it is. The lack of love for each other and the judgmental approach to others in the congregation contributes to this. The lack of humility on the part of elders and others to admit responsibility, change, and make amends, also is at the foundation.

I was surprised to see the WTS say that relations between elder bodies and the branches need improving. The WTS rarely shows its dirty laundry.

Next week, FIND REFRESHMENT IN SPIRITUAL THINGS.

Love, Blondie

palmtree67

Blondie, I remember an article at one time making the point that the "weaker" vessel did NOT mean weaker mentally or emotionally. It said thatin comparison to the angels, men were also "weaker" vessels.

Yet, they always seem to fall back on the idea that women ARE weaker mentally and have to be treated as such.....Do they just forget what they've researched before? Or do the new ideas just not take root in their brains?

Thanks for your synopsis, again. Well done.

Palm

ziddina

YAY!!!!

Thank you, Blondie!!!

flowers

Zid

ziddina

"Challenges to our joy and unity are likely to increase as this present angry system draws to its end. ..."

And, as Blondie said... :

"Is the anger building in jw families, congregations, BOEs, and branches? Sounds like it is. ..."

Not surprising. As was stated by another poster in another thread (Rats!!! Couldn't find it; it was about the "New Generation" teaching...), the poster made a statement to the effect that those JWs who were expecting the end to come "soon", were now saddled with the equivalent of a 30-year-mortgage...

Having to wait another 30 + years for "Armageddon" is creating a LOT of unhappiness among the Rank & File...

Zid

monkeyman

Blondie, the reason elders get away with this crap is because of all the meetings and articles and talks about OBEDIENCE!!!

Obedience, ministry, obedience, ministry. Over and over again. When it comes to obedience the message comes across that elders need to be obeyed even if they are wrong.

This gives them carte blanche in how they treat people. Elders begin thinking "how can I be wrong when everyone has to obey what I say even if I say the wrong thing or in the wrong way"

Over the years, and there are many of them for me, I thought this situation would surely improve. This is God's organization right?

But it has only gotten worse. Way worse. This forum has informed me that the situation is not local. Rather, it is global.

Sheesh.

Open mind

That first paragraph was unbelievable.

Thanks as always for your insightful commentary Blondie.

om

booby

I concur with what Open Mind said. I don't believe that fabricated story for a moment. How gullible and stupid do they think their readership has become? It just has no logic to it at all.

boyzone

Yeah I'd like to know what caused the worldly man to be angry too. Maybe he was "under pressure, fearful, not feeling well or struggling with some external or internal problem" as para 20 says. Or does that only apply to angry JW's?

Thanks Blondie

fokyc

I have just listened to this whole study on the telephone

It is truly amazing to hear the glib answers from people you actually know!

They just can't help themselves, they have to lie to make it sound good.

This was a very good bit:

"Elders should also be gracious in expressing themselves in written correspondence when it is necessary to correspond with another body of elders or with the branch office. They should be kind and tactful, in line with what we read at Matthew 7:12."

The Elders in my wifes cong haven't a clue how to be gracious or kind and tactful.

Many thanks Blondie for your excellent and accurate coverage.

Blondie's Comments You Will Not Hear at the 08-22-10 WT Study (SPEECH)

blondie

palmtree67

ziddina

ziddina

monkeyman

Open mind

booby

boyzone

fokyc

Flowerpetal

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