How do you handle the emotional aspect of having disabilities?
It isn't easy. The hearing problem has a great solution so I am not too concerned about that and just see it asd no different than wearing glasses.
Mobility is an issue only in regards to places I can't get into. I check accessibility before I go somewhere. The city buses here are almost all wheelchair accuessible. They have a ramp that folds out so I can drive up onto to the bus and a seat folds up so I have a parking spot. I go everywhere in the city. If I can't get there under my own power with the wheelchair I take the bus. I do my own shopping. I get to all my doctor appointemtns and anything else I need to do. I mention this because it addresses the issue of independance.
After all the abuse in my life my independance is crucial for me. I can't tolerate feeling trapped.It is how I felt as a kid and how I felt married to my JW husband. And I was beginning to feel that way with my secind husband because he insisted on treating me as if there was something wrong with my head instead of my feet. I couldn't take it and packed up my things and moved to another city and lived in a shelter for 9 months until I found a place that was wheelchair accessible and subsidized.
I have had moments of depression, especially when we think we have a diagnosis and then find out it is wrong - that was a big one.
Pain is an issue almost all the time. I have to pace myself and make sure I don't overdo. Theyn I am in pain and angry at myself for overdoing it. My pain medication does not entirely do away with the pain. If it is too hot my feet burn. The other day I was thinking of how to describle this - a sunburn with blisters sounds about right. If it is too cold my feet also burn but a cold burn - have no other way to describe that one. If I am lucky they go numb (which usually means that they have burned for so long they are overloaded and the nerves just go numb. It isn't like pins and needles feeling though - just heavy and thick - I know sounds weird but I don't mind it because the pain is gone for a bit.
Pain can drive me crazy. One night it was so bad that I just picked up all the blankets and threw them across the room. I was surprised to see they landed outside the door. So after my hissy fit I went to get them and remade the bed. My Dr prescribed hydromorphome which I take only when I think the pain is becoming intractable (without stopping). The stuff is addictive so I am very cautious with it.
I am on a medication called Gabapentin which is an anti-seizure medication. One theory about why this works is that instead of having a seizure in my head I am having it in my feet. And it can go on for hours and is always worse at night.
One thing I learned as a kid was resilience and the ability to overcome anything. I have. Things you would never ever want your child to go through. I realized early on that becoming angry and hateful would only make me miserable. Depression gets you nowhere.
I learned the skills I needed to survive. I guess I am now applying those skills to the disability. I have the skills to overcome. I know I am strong. I know I had the skills to help others so now I can use them to help me.
all that and a sense of humor about the insanity oif it all.