ok, I give up!

by dssynergy 30 Replies latest jw friends

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  life is to short

  Depressed/overwhelmed has worked for me some but everyone knows the true reason is the child molesters in the hall and my strong stand.

  I kept trying to do both and I guess in a ways I still am but I have stopped going to meetings. Flipper and so many here are right, when you go to the meetings it really brings you down, or I should say it does me.

  You are so right all you will ever find is judgment and criticism at any hall you go to. My husband has tried to tell me it is just the hall we are in at this time and I remind him of all the halls we have been in and how it is always the same, the same hatefulness. Then he says well they were just a strange group of people in that hall or the elders in that hall were not handing things right, on and on. I bought it at first but no it is the religion it is not the hall. I have been in a total of six halls in my life as a pioneer, elders wife, while being at Bethel. All the halls had major problems. All of them including the one while I was at Bethel. I could go on and on with the stories of hate and hurtfulness that I have seen not only toward me but others. I have seen the pain of many people trying to stay in this religion. You just cannot do it and not go crazy. I know of one young woman who just killed herself a month ago.

  I truly feel you have to leave to keep sane. My last meeting was three weeks ago tomorrow. I am still recovering from it, I went for the CO's visit with one last hope that the elders would truly try to stop the child molesters. It will never happen. I mean nothing to them, children mean nothing to them, no one who has a good heart means anything to this religion. You just have to get out.

  Hope you understand what I mean.

  LITS
• 

  Think About It

  dssynergy ...........you have taken control of your life, so do not give up and give it back to the WTS. Sounds like you seen through all the BS and are smart enough to keep quiet about things, because of family still in. You have your business that keeps you busy and you have hinted to them about an anxiety issue. If you keep your current strategy and just go very occasionally, but don't get talked into getting involved......you can be successful in keeping your family & friends, not letting the WTS cult control you, and stay true to how you really feel.

  If you are confident & strong and stand up to them when they try to pressure you, they will back down and accept that you only come to meetings very occasionally.

  Can't help you with the JW neighbors thing. What were you thinking moving across from a JW? You could always "sneak" the boyfriend in when they are away to meetings and assemblies. Isn't it ridiculous how grown people have to act sometimes, because of this religious cult?

  Good luck with the business and with taking complete control of your life.

  Think About It
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  brizzzy

  Not sure if it will help, but what I did when I was fading was tell my elders I was switching congregations and asked them to send my publisher card over to a congregation an hour and a half or so away. I went to, like, one meeting at the new congo (never really introduced myself or made friends or anything), and then never went back.

  That was about three years ago. Now, even though I'm really outspoken and should probably be DF'd (not worried about fading or being caught now), nobody seems to have bothered. I wonder sometimes if it's because the original congregation elders wash their hands of it (they no longer have my publisher card) and the new congregation elders may very well not even know or remember me because I was never really there to begin with.

  That may not help living in a neighborhood of snoopy JWs, but you can put it out there that you've switched congregations, so that might get them off your back a little.
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  dssynergy

  Thanks for all the encouraging words...I really appreciate you all taking the time out to comment.

  What were you thinking moving across from a JW? You could always "sneak" the boyfriend in when they are away to meetings and assemblies. Isn't it ridiculous how grown people have to act sometimes, because of this religious cult?

  @ ThinkAboutIT: I clearly knew they were in the neighborhood - there are more than 10 families that live nearby. BUT, I didn't know that any lived across the street until after I moved in. UGH. And YES, it is RIDICULOUS that I feel I have to sneak around to live a normal life.

  That may not help living in a neighborhood of snoopy JWs, but you can put it out there that you've switched congregations, so that might get them off your back a little.

  @Brizzy: I am am fluent in sign language, I could tell them I am moving to sign language - and then just go sporatically. I do need to brush up on some vocabulary.

  @ThinkAboutIt:

  If you keep your current strategy and just go very occasionally, but don't get talked into getting involved......you can be successful in keeping your family & friends, not letting the WTS cult control you, and stay true to how you really feel.

  This was sort of what I was thinking too. Just play along. I don't have to agree with everything to attend once in a while. My question then is: how do I make it through the meetings?? I'm not sure I have the stamina to endure an entire meeting at this point.

  Advice, anyone?
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  brizzzy

  I'd say sit in the very back for the first part, as close to the door as you can, then bolt during song/prayer when everybody's preoccupied, before the second half (or even leave before that, after maybe 10-15 minutes...hey, you put in an appearance, right? "A" for effort.) If anybody has the gall to follow you out and be nosy as to why you're leaving early, always have an excuse on hand (doctor's appointment, family emergency, etc., but that you at least wanted to show up for the first half so as to get some "spiritual food" or whatever corny B.S. they're looking for). Be as vague as possible and if they push for details, just give them a polite, strained smile and repeat the vague excuse in exactly the same wording as before, over and over in response to every snoopy question, until they get it through their thick heads that it's none of their business (Miss Manners taught me this. She's genius.)
• 

  AudeSapere

  how do I make it through the meetings??

  Come in late. Leave (very) early. Look sick and hold your stomach (not a far stretch, eh?). Bring something to read or just read the Bible. Bring a different version if you want some variety. Print out some other non-jw article that you want to read and read that during the meeting.

  I think my last year and a half I read more of my bible during the meetings than I had ever done in my life. Not just 'looking up scriptures' but actually reading entire chapters at a time.

  Here's a thread from last year by someone with the same question:

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/forum/tech-support/165520/1/How-to-Endure-Meetings-Constructively-My-Approach

  Or... You could lead the group in a rousing game of Bullshit Bingo!

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/27457/1/Bullshit-Bingo-for-your-meeting-enjoyment

  -Aude.
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  cantleave

  Hey Dys, We are in the same position as you, we are using stress and issues with our kids as the reason. No advice to you except stick to your guns, you only get one shot at life why waste so much of it sitting at meetings being bored?
• 

  yknot

  have a panic attack in the KH parking lot......with uber friend watching.

  be prepared to take a shot of ipec syrup to induce vomiting, thus earning yourself a one-way ticket home!

  If she persists after that, tell her to keep you in her prayers, assure her you are keeping up on the publications too.....but remind her of the parking lot episode.
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  jamiebowers

  But the other day, my friend made a comment that she was going to get me to go back - no matter what. On the one hand - I don't want to go back, ever. But on the other hand, being "out" as a doubter would cause problems with me and my family I just don't want to risk.

  Tell your friend, kindly but firmly that you will not tolerate her interference in your life, and that you'll go back when you are ready....period, end of story. You are an adult, so make her treat you like one.
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  steve2

  I'd be interested in what your friend actaully meant by 'getting you to go back - no matter what'. Now there's a meaningless phrase if ever there were one!

  Does it include still trying to get you to go back if you've been disfellowshiped? Or if you tell her, "No thanks"? Or does it include her forcibly picking you up and literally dragging you to meetings?

  People who express an intention to get you to do something "no matter what" are usually using that phrase only for psychological effect. If you've got the balls, ask her precisely what she means by this vaguely threatening but empty phrase.