ok, I give up!

by dssynergy 30 Replies latest jw friends

  • dssynergy

    I have been testing the waters with a fade. Waiting to see the reaction. My friends and family still talk to me, although I haven't been to meeting since November of last year. I have been very careful about what I say, if anything and for the most part am not questioned. My mom did talk to me the other day, and just told her I don't feel like I fit in, and never have and that I'm having trouble with crowds in small spaces where I know a lot of people. (anxiety) It is true.

    But the other day, my friend made a comment that she was going to get me to go back - no matter what. On the one hand - I don't want to go back, ever. But on the other hand, being "out" as a doubter would cause problems with me and my family I just don't want to risk.

    Unless someone has a good strategy for talking my way out of it, I think I'm giving up and just going back. I'm not sure how I can stomach the material because it is so narrow in scope - so any suggestions are welcome.



  • dssynergy


    Could really use some advice.

  • tec

    I'm sorry. I wasn't in, so I don't have advice about fading/staying. But there are lots of people who do; just give them some time to find your post. Not everyone is here on Saturdays.


  • Broken Promises
    Broken Promises

    I’ve been out for 10 years, not df’d nor da’d.

    The way to do it is slowly, and don’t say too much that will incriminate you. Just live your life and don’t give in to the emotional blackmail.

  • exwhyzee

    It's your choice. I wouldn't dare sway you one way or the other. If it is right for you...you'll stay only you won't be there with the same blinders on and will be there for your own reasons. If it's not right for you, you'll find a way to exit without loosing the network of friends you've developed for yourself so far in your life.

  • dssynergy

    @Broken Promises: That has sort of been my strategy. I own a business and travel a lot. So, I'm gone a lot too. I went to the district convention some, and saw one of the elders at my hall. I told him I had been listening on the phone because I'm having anxiety issues. (true). He said "thanks for letting me know" and left it at that.

    But, how do I keep this going? Do I just skirt the issue?? Also - it be nice at some point to be in a relationship, I'm just trying to figure out how to do that without the DF issue. I love my house, but I stupidly moved to a neighborhood flooded with JWs. In fact, one family lives across the street! UGH. No sneaking in boyfriends for me.

    Any ideas about making this work are welcome.

  • leavingwt
    But the other day, my friend made a comment that she was going to get me to go back - no matter what.

    I'm sorry that you're going through this.

    Many have had great success by kindly explaining to folks that they are dealing with a "personal issue" or "depression". You can thank them for their concern, and them tell them how you FEEL.

    Example: "When you ask me about coming back, you make me feel like I'm being untruthful with you, when I tell you that I cannot attend right now. I will let you know when I'm ready. You cannot possibly imagine how I feel right now. What you could do to help is to be understanding of how I feel."

    Notice, there is no attack on WT and no attack on any person. You're telling them how you FEEL. They have no argument against how you feel.

  • dssynergy

    @leavingWT: That is good advice. I have had a lot of family issues this year: my dad died, my grandpa (his dad) died 4 months later, my grandma is sick, my brother tried to kill himself...a lot of crisis. And the truth is - I can't deal with more expectations right now. I am juggling a lot of balls, and I don't find comfort at the KH. I find judgment and criticism, which are not helpful to me.

    In the middle of all of this, I'm running my business and working hard at keeping my head on straight.

    So, that kind of conversation "I'm depressed/overwhelmed" is not far fetched.


  • Broken Promises
    Broken Promises

    I moved towns to get away from the JWs, lol! If you are renting, you might consider moving to another area. That’s the only way you’ll be able to sneak in bf’s. Otherwise find a bf who doesn’t live in the area!

    Use the traveling for business excuse wherever you can, as they can’t stop you from doing your job (although they might try to guilt-trip you ie pioneering)!

    Sorry that you are having anxiety issues, but you can use that as an excuse, too. If you’re female they tend to shy away from giving you practical help (also cite “female problems” and they’ll go running, haha).

    All I can say is be patient. Let your family and friends get used to not seeing you at the meetings. In time, the elders will give up trying to encourage you. They’re as busy as anyone, and if someone isn’t responding to their efforts to “encourage” you, then they’ll move on to someone who will.

  • Broken Promises
    Broken Promises

    Just read your other post where you listed everything else that’s happened to you this year – wow, you poor thing!!

    Hang in there. You are right when you say you don’t need any more judging or criticism. You need to be around people who love you for you – regardless.

    Don’t give the elders or your family any absolutes. Just say you need time. If they use the “you’re leaving Jehovah” line, tell them you are doing no such thing. It’s not for them to judge. Your r’ship with God is a personal thing which cannot and should not be judged by anyone else.

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