Younger wife ploy?

by dgp 17 Replies latest jw experiences

  • dgp

    On another thread (, I wrote the following:

    By the way, this question of mine doesn't come out of thin air. I happen to have met a man, in his seventies, who was made an offer that he was supposed not to be able to refuse. This man made some good money and his wife divorced him at 69. The wife was a closet lesbian who thought she didn't have to hide her real sexuality now that she was old, and moved out with someone else. The man was shocked and tried to find "a spiritual answer", so he was approached by some witnesses, who managed to make him attend meetings, study with them, et cetera. He refused to go door to door, and that was why he got stuck in limbo. One of the elders in the congregation pointed out that Sister In Her Forties still looked good, but, er, she could marry only in the Lord. The man was a lifetime friend of ours and told us the story. He thought he was being offered a woman in exchange for baptism.

    One person commented that this is a common ploy. Have you guys seen this often?

  • yknot

    All of the converted men in my congo did so for a Sister

    It isn't really a trade so much as an appeal to the need for companionship. While not on the subject of divorce the May 1, 2010 WT article entitled "Widows and Widowers—What Do They Need? How Can You Help?" touches on the male needs.

    When I was 17 the PO brought a round of older JW single men (30/40s) who had reached out during their younger lives to consider marriage to us girls who were about to turn 18. ... females have always been treated as 'rewards' throughout paternal history. (NO none of those marriages worked out, all were miserable and ended in heated divorce, usually with the girl hooking up with a some guy her age)

    Now in defense of the poor in her 40s sister........their are not enough men!

    In my circuit the number of unbelieving husbands is twice the amount of believing. If she is in a congo that strongly enforces the 'marry only in the Lord' well a life of forced spinsterhood is likely.

    Converting and retaining men is a big problem

  • FlyingHighNow

    This makes me sick. How many of us women married the absolute wrong person for us, to marry "in the lord"? How many of us could have done so much better as far as compatibility and chemistry went? We'd have had our pick out in "the world", men lining up for our company, but instead took among the slim pickens at the KH. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr. I am not complaining just for us ladies. What can it be like for these brothers who snag wives who don't really love them and vice versa? Bad for everyone. My second husband and I tried to do it and kind of faked it for a while, but ulitimately made each other's lives miserable trying to do things the theocratic way.

  • FlyingHighNow

    Oh and jw former husband did straighten up and get baptized because he wanted to get married in the lord. Before that he led his life working in the oil fields of Oklahoma.

  • highdose

    i can think of at least 6 cases in my former cong where male bible studys had the pretty young sisters pointed out to them, it was made clear that they could be theirs if only they got baptised. Surprise Surprise the guys couldn't wait to get into the baptisum pool fast enough! Then when they realised that the sisters didn't want to date them because they were not MS, or elders they fell away and didn't bother coming back.

    Comes to something when a cult has to entice their male vitims in via using woman rather than their religous beliefs!

  • yknot
    Then when they realised that the sisters didn't want to date them because they were not MS, or elders

    And the carrot is drawn back a little further....

    LOl...... in my old congregation you didn't marry a man (if you were even suggested to marry in these 'endtimes') who hadn't been to Bethel and even then it was better to marry the now defunct Bethel Elder.

    When I say Bethel, I don't mean the namby-pamby 1year Bethelite either, no I am talking old school 4 years minimum and better at 8 years!

  • garyneal

    Interesting topic. I remember many years ago one of the reasons why I felt the need to attend church was because I had this mistaken belief that I would meet a higher caliber girl inside it. In fact, I remember during our dating days feeling like, "Wow, I wished I had met a woman like her when I was 18," when I thought about my wife.

    While I am thankful for the kind of woman that I am now married to, I realize now that even though we are so compatible I had little to no religious upbringing at home.

    I can imagine if I had somehow gotten involved with the witness religion instead of the baptist churches back when my spiritual walk began, I can easily see myself chasing that carrot as far as I could go.

  • OnTheWayOut

    This is a spin on a cult tactic to lure people in with attractive recruiters.
    While it may not be intentional, the sisters want husbands that will support their various needs, be they sexual or financial or whatever.
    Age makes all the difference. A young adult woman looks pretty good to an older adult generally. Many ladies in their 40's would be "hot" to a man in his 60's. A "sister" in her 40's has very little chance of finding a "brother" in his 40's as he is looking at the "sisters" one or two decades younger than her.

    From the point of view of the participants, this looks like a win-win situation, so it is extremely common. Sisters put their claim in on a man before he is baptized and encourage him along. She figures she is bringing a guy into the truth and will be able to pioneer or at least be more spiritual if she marries him. He- well, we know what he figures he gets.

    I had seen it all the time. I must have seen more desparate women than highdose mentions. Many were happy with a man that had a job and a house- health and spiritual progress were secondary. If they waited for him to advance, they might lose their claim and some even younger sister would snatch him up.

  • elderelite

    "touching on male needs".... hummmmm

  • EmptyInside

    Well, I'm happy to say, I'm not playing their little game anymore. I'm no longer going to exclude men just because of their religious beliefs or lack thereof. Right now, I couldn't even imagine setting up house with a hardcore Witness man. It would drive me mad.

Share this