Older man marries younger woman, yes; younger man marries older woman?

by dgp 40 Replies latest jw experiences

  • dgp

    I understand that marriages between an older man and a much younger woman are a fact of JW life. The reasons I have seen include the lack of an available prospect, of the fact that the older man has some power in the congregation and therefore marrying him is something like an advantage. I wonder what the advantage can be, and I would appreciate any light on this (new or old).

    But, how often does a younger man marry an older woman? What could be the reasons for such a marriage?

    I'm aware that a possible answer is "they know why they married", but I'm wondering if you can see a common reason.

    Of course I mean marriages within the WT.


  • palmtree67

    My man is almost 10 years younger than me.

    What would you like to know?

  • AudeSapere

    The couple that studied with my parents back in 1970 were 8 or 9 years apart in age. She was older.

    Elder in my last cong was 20 years older than his wife.

    We also had publisher that was married to non-jw who was about 15 years younger than she.

    Same cong, a well-to-do-businessman in his mid-50's married a 20-year-old.

    Seems I've seen it quite a bit.

    Their rationale, above whatever similar reason as non-jw's is that in the 'New System' all will become about the same age.

    Whatever suits them, I guess.


  • AudeSapere

    Oh! A woman I grew up in my original cong was my age. She married someone I used to babysit when he was 3.

    I still don't understand that one AT ALL. The marriage didn't last long. Less than 5 years.

    She was always man-crazy. My guess is that the men her age were tired of her overly flirtateousness and she just could not 'land a man' so she decided to go after 'fresh meat'.


  • Violia

    Marriages of men around 65+ and women in 20's. Now that is an age difference. Why would I do that? Money ( don't have to work ) position ( a member of the coveted second wives club -(the trophy wife) ,elders wife can tell everyone else to go to H*ll. I know of someone who did such . There is an old saying that men do this for nurse or purse. He is marrying you to take care of him when he gets really old or you have money. I saw Tracey Ullman do a skit on this. LOL funny.

    I also know of a marriage of two pioneers , the man in his late 20s and he woman in her 60's. They married b/c the big A was coming and then age won't matter. This was prior 1975 and of course the Big A did not come. She died and he could hardly keep from smiling. He remarried right away.

    Seinfeld mention

    Elaine is dating a guy in his 60's for sex. She asks Jerry if he would date a woman 60. He said no. She asked what if she was vibrant? He said she would have to be so vibrant that she's be spinning.

  • StAnn

    My husband is five years younger than I am.

    Has it occurred to you that people may get married because they love each other?

  • Violia

    I see 5-10 between spouses as totally ok. I think a lot of people do. Men routinely do it and now women are too. 10 yrs means you share a decade. Over 10 yrs is usually what gets attention.

    When you are teens 5 yrs is a lot but as adults it is nothing.

  • robson

    In either case both parties decide what better fits their lives and when a man marries a younger woman is just for me not right but also I think is allright for the man is they both strive for the marriage to last.

    I know a brother from my cong who is 45 and she is 22 that is awkard not real love for what I see. He was not the only one available but he had material needs and so forth so it was an arrangement somehow.

    As a man I can tell you that it won't look bad on you but she will get bored once you start wrinkling and she will look somewhere else that's a possibility also she will marry again if you die so what's the deal think about it.

    there is this brother who is 40 and she was 15 when they married he died and she is still alone for more than 20 years that's reality.

    it works either way for both parties men and women we just have to choose our life and there are plenty of options whether you want to experience what they feel or just simply thinking in it take your pick is how life works do what you can now.

  • BizzyBee

    Quite simply, aside from other consideratios, Jehovah's Witnesses must choose from a very small pool, which leads to odd couplings age-wise. This is further exacerbated by the fact that JW's think Armageddon is around the corner and that marriage is not necessarily til old age and natural death.

  • Mattieu

    In our area, an MTS elder sent to the congregation who is 39 years old just married a 19 year old sister. the same sister he was giving counsel and encouragement to since she was 17..... When this elder first came to the hall, he made a lot of single young sisters feel very uncomfortable around him. Weird bloke..... but if they are happy, good luck to them (I give it 6 years)


  • jamiebowers

    The most common reason for odd couplings is the "marry only in the Lord" requirement.

  • highdose

    In my life in the borg i have only seen it happen that way around once. Seen plenty of older guys marry much younger women but only one older woman marry a much younger guy.

    In this case the woman was a single mother of 5 delinquent children, the guy was a former study that she helped into the borg, and he was also a loner, social misfit type who even in the world had never had a girlfreind. There were lots of catty comments made about this match by all in the congregation, but they stayed togther and good luck to them!

  • freydo

    What about the best birth control for women over 50?


  • lisavegas420

    My husband is 18 years older. Next week we will celebrate our 17 years if marriage. We lived together for 18 months before we married.

    He helped me raise my children, he's Papa to my grandchildren. Great husband and friend. Our relationship has changed over the years.

    I'm planning on many many more years together. Can't imagine being happier with anyone else. Sometimes it just works out.


  • Alligator Wisdom
    Alligator Wisdom

    A few years ago I knew of an elder in his 50's who married a pioneer sister in her 70's. They ended up taking care of her 95 year old mother.

    Alligator Wisdom (aka Brother NOT Exerting Vigorously)

  • Soldier77

    Half your age + 7 is a good way to figure out what is your personal range. I'm 33, so roughly, someone 23 would be the lowest I could go without raising too much eyebrows...

    Don't ask where I got that from, I've heard several friends in different areas use it. lol

  • Scott77

    Some people who are older, looks young while those that are young, may look older. I have seen it. While in college, I recall seeing a young woman who was 19 years old yet she looked like 35. Some people ages faster than others. I think, this is a good factor also to take into consideration.

  • dgp

    Just to respond to some people's comments, I think BizzyBee hit the nail on the head about what I wanted to know:

    Quite simply, aside from other consideratios, Jehovah's Witnesses must choose from a very small pool, which leads to odd couplings age-wise. This is further exacerbated by the fact that JW's think Armageddon is around the corner and that marriage is not necessarily til old age and natural death.

    Of course I agree that people of varying ages can actually love each other and not marry just because of considerations of other types. I have absolutely no problem with marriages in which the man is younger than the woman. That happens "in the world", and, where I live, some particular circumstances have made it much more common than people like to think. I wanted to know whether the fact that you have to marry "only in the Lord" was taken to mean that man (whatever his age) marries woman (whatever her age), and not simply that OLDER MAN (whatever his age) marries (very young) WOMAN. If this principle is taken to mean "Man, you get to marry chicks", then it is perverted. Some of you don't know this, but I'm a worldly and I need to ask questions that might seem stupid (sometimes they are), but I lack the basic knowledge you guys can take for granted.

    I believe that the old man who remained single until, say, his forties, and marries a young girl in the congregation, say, in her early twenties, is not simply finding young flesh. He is to marry and he follows the idea that younger flesh is best (which is not the case). I would believe the same about the older woman who enjoyed "the gift of singleness" and married a younger brother. And then, from what I read, second wives or husbands are quite often due to the fact that the witnesses were not allowed to really get to know each other well.

    I'm aware that there can be other reasons for such marriages. Suppose Sister Very Hot marries Elder Very Old but Theocratic. Maybe they love each other, maybe he is marrying for the young flesh, maybe she is marrying for the perks... you get the picture. I wanted to sort of explore the dynamics of love and marriage within the WT. I believe that a lot of misery and problems arise from the requirement that you "marry only in the Lord". I believe that the sisters who marry out are perhaps doing the smart choice.

    By the way, this question of mine doesn't come out of thin air. I happen to have met a man, in his seventies, who was made an offer that he was supposed not to be able to refuse. This man made some good money and his wife divorced him at 69. The wife was a closet lesbian who thought she didn't have to hide her real sexuality now that she was old, and moved out with someone else. The man was shocked and tried to find "a spiritual answer", so he was approached by some witnesses, who managed to make him attend meetings, study with them, et cetera. He refused to go door to door, and that was why he got stuck in limbo. One of the elders in the congregation pointed out that Sister In Her Forties still looked good, but, er, she could marry only in the Lord. The man was a lifetime friend of ours and told us the story. He thought he was being offered a woman in exchange for baptism.

  • highdose

    oh the old " wife in exchange for baptisum" ploy! yes yes thats one of the JW's favorite tricks. " i think sister pretty hot likes you but you will only find out if you join our cult!"

    This btw is a topic for a whole other thread!

  • dgp

    Highdose (hi!), maybe you can start that other thread? I lack the information.

Share this topic