Ideas on how to break the news to my old best friend that I do not believe anymore

by life is to short 21 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse


    Good to see you around FlyingHighNow

    We have missed your comments.

  • pr0ner

    tl;dr...but based on your question you want to do things slow. Don't burn a bridge if you don't have to. I think especially when you are raised a JW you are hardwired to convince people that YOUR opinion is right. So when you figure out you don't want the JW's anymore you automatically want to convince people that they are wrong and you're right. So you end up with two totally opposing forces with neither one really willing to give any slack. undercover had some good advice.

    If you do decide you need to give her some of your thoughts be sure to do it in a way that will make her ask the question. Make it seem like you don't understand certain rules but aren't outright saying they are wrong. Pose questions to her that will make her ask questions.

  • Scully

    You could ask your friend to trust that you are applying Bible Principles™ ("make sure of all things, hold fast to what is fine", "examining the Scriptures as to whether these things were so") as you struggle with some personal challenges.

    You don't want to hinder her Spirituality™ by discussing these issues with her, because you're afraid that it may sound Apostate™, and it terrifies you.

    Acknowledge that you are not attacking the Elder Arrangement™, but justly criticizing the human men who made horrific mistakes in how they handled your molestation case. The Society™ even acknowledges that they are made up of Imperfect Humans™ and are subject to error. Somehow we are supposed to allow that to be an acceptable excuse when a child of JWs is molested by a JW, but the WTS is all over it like a dog with a bone when it's a Catholic priest molesting altar boys. Apparently the Catholic Church is supposed to be "perfect" but the WTS is not. Does that make sense???

    Your conscience won't allow you to go Door-to-Door™ and invite other people to become part of an organization that lies to its followers and uses deception to recruit new members or shelters pedophiles within congregations and allows them to roam freely at Conventions™ and Assemblies™ (or until you resolve your personal challenges one way or another).

  • baltar447

    Wow. I can't believe how callous she is being about her niece. Did anyone try to get the niece counseling or anything? As for her so quickly forgiving that "brother" who molested her niece, I would have read her Mark 9:42 and asked her if her niece might be one of these "little ones". I can't believe that she's calling her a murderer. If anyone said that in my presence, I'd rip them a new one(with the bible), I don't care who they are or what position they are in.

  • FlyingHighNow

    Good to see you around
    Flying High Now
    We have missed your comments.

    Thank you, Gladiator. That's such a nice thing to read anyday, but today it's especially so.

  • Pistoff

    No offense intended, but this is a friendship with someone who denies you your reality, that you were abused. It seems like you owe it to yourself to just tell her that you can be there for a few days at most, and go on with it.

    She will also probably be relieved.

    Don't cave in; hold your ground.

  • jamiebowers

    My dear LITS, I think you may be confused as to what a true friend is. The woman you describe doesn't sound like one to me. First she decides what parts of your experience you're permitted to talk about, then she calls her niece a murderer despite knowing that the poor girl was molested the same as you were, and now it's okay for her to criticize the organization while it's not okay for you to do so.

    You are too fragile right now to handle extended contact with her. Let her know now that you and your husband will be staying elsewhere for your vacation. Then tell her that because you are still reeling from the fact that the very same abuse you suffered many years ago continues in the organization to this day that you cannot be around people who choose to ignore this fact....period...end of story.

    It would be better to surround yourself with people who are supportive of you. While you're in Boston and DC, why not meet up with other exjws? I know of three in Boston and several in the DC area.

    You've already been abused and neglected by your parents, the elders, your so called friend and the organization. Although you are no longer a child, it's important that you take care of yourself as you would a child. Give yourself the opportunity to heal. You can start by forming relationships with people who stood where you are now standing.

  • Scully

    If you denied your friend the opportunity to vent over her past the way she did to you, do you know what she'd say?

    She'd say, OMG, what a selfish ignorant B*TCH, and then she'd avoid you.

    You are her friend, she is not yours.

  • Tuesday

    Stand next to her in a line and say "Everyone who believes JWs are right take a step forward" then say put.

  • flipper

    " She has never allowed me to talk about my abuse as child. " And there lies your clue as to whether this lady is a " real " friend or a " fake " friend. If she will not even consider the pain you've been through- she is not a real friend to you. You are wasting your time on poisonous relationships like this. Many of us have had to face the hard truth that many of our JW relationships were conditional and dysfunctional. Even with family. Just be upfront and honest with her. If she listens with respect- she's a true friend, if she rejects your stand - she was never a real friend in the first place. Hang in there sis ! Wifey and I love ya

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