As a Man have your Attitudes Towards Women Changed since Exiting JW's ?

by flipper 31 Replies latest jw friends

  • flipper

    Being raised in the Jehovah's Witness cult - I saw so many times what would be referred to as " supportive wives " wait after meetings for an hour, two hours, even more until midnight for husbands who met in backrooms meeting to decide on judicial matters if some individual witness was righteous - or not. Wives of elders were EXPECTED to do this to show submission and alleged " respect " for the headship arrangement or eldership of their husbands ! Incredible. I remember even my own mom waiting late after meetings for my dad's elder meetings. Even as a boy I thought to myself- how DISRESPECTFUL ! Why can't my mom just go home and sleep ?? !! I remember thinking if I ever grew up- I wouldn't expect my wife to DO that ! It would show disrespect to my WIFE !

    My own mom , a JW, gave SO MUCH attention to us growing up as JW children because my dad was ALWAYS helping the congregation ! My dad as years went by thanked my mom and admitted he could NEVER have done what he did without my mom's help . But I often wondered how much it sucked out of my own mom's life and personality to do that.

    This was one reason I didn't want eldership myself. Didn't want to commit to the congregation over my family. I saw some happy marriages - but mostly I saw women having to cater to husbands needs and they were NOT considered equals to men- but were told to be submissive to husbands , in essence like being treated like children themselves. I feel TOO MUCH POWER was given to men in an absolute sense by the WT society- and it damaged their views of women as being inferior. It disgusted me. Because MOST of the JW women I knew- were a hell of a lot smarter than their JW husbands who SAT on JC committees determining if someone should live or die. I often thought WOMEN should serve as elders in fact.

    So- All guys out there - Do you RESPECT women more now after exiting the witnesses and consider them as equals to you ? Or does the JW cult and WT society's patriarchal attitudes still infect you at times ? Have you had much more satisfying relationships with women after leaving the organization - now that the WT society's attitudes in dominance over women aren't a part of your life anymore ? As always I look forward to your comments and takes ! Hope all you guys are doing well ! And have a great Saturday evening ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper

  • xelder

    Hey Flipper - sending a PM so I can meet you...I'm near Santa barbara...and will drive to you sometime

    Women and Elder's wives....I think most of us men are works in progress in this matter. But, I sincerely believe that I have improved greatly. I think all of society has had to learn to change, but it's was especially bad for JW wives. What do you expect from a group who wants to still be "under law" just like being Jews. T be honest, JW life for a female seems close to the bible description of Isrealite wives. In the 70's as a kid in the congregation, "women's liberation" was a bad word and linked up with the whole hippie movement. No doubt about it, the finest individuals I've known in the Borg were female.

  • doofdaddy

    Actually, that's a very difficult question to answer. One of the many tiny cracks in my faith years ago was the treatment of women, esp intelligent savy women married to dumbass elders who threw the headship title around.

    Since leaving 10 or 12 yrs ago, I had do a fast catch up socially with women. I was very innocent really, so had to learn to be discerning as far as who I let into my life. Respect ebbed and flowed but at this very moment, I give all, women and men an initial total respect. It is up to them if that respect continues.

    My relationships with women are so much more fulfilling now, whether friends or lovers and I don't have to marry them!! LOL!

  • villabolo

    Flipper asks: As a man have your attitudes towards women changed since exiting the JW's?

    Nope. I had polygamist fantasies back then and I still have them now.


  • LostGeneration

    Interesting to think about a born in I pretty much was indoctrinated with the idea that women were second class citizens. Its really strange to think about now. I mean here are these incredible, intelligent women walking amongst us, and simply because they have another "x" chromosome, they are inferior to those of us with a "Y" chromosome. Absolute BS! Needless to say I now try to have a completely open mind with anyone I come into contact with, no matter their chromosome.

    I remember a few years before I got out a discussion in field service about such and such church now ordaining women. Oh the HORROR! The world must be coming to an end because women are preaching from the pulpit!

    Looking back now its all such silliness, but that goes for all WT doctrine in my book.

  • JeffT

    I never did care for the way some JW men treated their wives and children. I was not born in, and my Dad (tough as he could be) set a better example. Mrs. T would never have stood for it, anyway. I guess that is one reason we're not witnesses anymore.

  • gubberningbody

    No. I always annoyed the other elders by saying things like

    "Jehovah wants men to be in charge not because they're more intelligent or designed to lead, but rather because if they don't have something assigned to them to do they won't do anything."


    "I'm tired of trying to get brothers to do things, they're uncooperative, but if I get sisters involved it gets done and right every time."

    I also would use sisters to read at the book study because, they were the best readers.

    I still think men are mostly idiots who spend more time measuring their d*cks, than getting anything done.

    Men are inherently more sensitive about their position and are generally uncooperative, whereas women strike me as cooperative by design.

    Women are generally more interesting to talk to and are less defensive about brainstorming ideas while men are always worried about "who's in charge".

    Personally, I thought there were an awful lot of latent homos who were elders because they seemed too damned delighted to spend their afternoons in meetings with other men.

    All of my best bosses were women.

    I have rarely been hired by a man. The only case is when that man happens to be exceedingly intelligent or creative and even then I find them to be rather difficult.

    It seems that if I interview with a woman, I get the job, but if it's a man, then I have to really hold back otherwise I intimidate them and then I don't get the job.

    I have very little use for men if you haven't surmised that by now.

  • designs

    I am having the opportunity now to work with professional women, Politicians, Government workers, Executives, Contractors. Its refreshing.

  • flipper

    XELDER- Hello friend ! Got your PM, thanks. I'll call you soon. Have to work today, but maybe early this week ?

    I agree with you- some of the finest witnesses I knew were female also. I think many ex-witness men are a work in progress in adjusting their views in proper respect towards women. To change from feeling superior as told by a cult to being equal is a total mindset change.

    DOOFDADDY- Good points you make. It bothered me too that elders treated their wives disrespectfully. I was naive also after exiting the witnesses and paid the price with a few bad relationships with females who saw my innocence, yet took advantage of it emotionally. Finally I also was more careful to let only respectful men or women into my life as friends. We live and learn for sure.

    VILLABOLO- Well, it sounds like all your parts are in working order friend ! Good for you. Just keep it at fantasy level- don't get burned by a woman or burn a woman - the singe of the fire is hot on the other side ! LOL !

    LOST GENERATION- Excellent points friend. There are beaytiful women out there and many women I know are supremely more intelligent than lots of guys I know. So, yeah, if a woman wants to be a pastor or minister, why not ? But to the witnesses the idea is abhorrent to them. It was SUCH a chauvinistic cult.

    JEFFT- That is great that your dad set you a good example in treating women respectfully. Probably a really good reason you and your wife do well together !

    GUBBERNING BODY- So , like myself- you always had a deep respect for women and it bothered you to see them mistreated too in the cult. I often thought women would be more capable in reading at book studies or WT studies. Also they would make better elders. Women are generally less conceited over position and more empathetic than men.

    DESIGNS- I'm glad you are able to work with women in your profession. Lots of interesting things to be learned from women in regards to dealing with people and proper social etiquette I have learned

  • FlyingHighNow

    The Watchtower view of women and its view of marriage sets both men and women up for constant disappointment.

    Nope. I had polygamist fantasies back then and I still have them now.

    Yeah, some of the sisses and me, we had fantasies about having several husbands, too, only we'd be the heads. I can think of at least two or three guys I'd marry right now, all at the same time.

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