I feel so discourage

by Desilusionnee 35 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

  • Desilusionnee

    JustHuman14 so sorry for what you had to go trough ("I was turned to the elders for apostasy 2 times by my wife"). It's difficult indeed. Most of us dedicated our life to this cult and wake up some day with a "bitter taste in mouth": the feeling of having loosing one's time/youth just for wind.

    Thanks for your kind comments and encouragements.


  • metatron

    Desi, listen to me! Been there, done that, bought the tee shirt.

    How do you get free from these sick people? Very carefully!

    First, say nothing. Admit nothing. Confide in no one - possibly not even your husband if he happens to be indiscrete with talking to the elders.

    Second, Claim an illness. This is the quiet, effective way out from your troubles. Try depression or migraines or vertigo or whatever is convenient. Some sisters claim more than one chronic condition and skip the meetings.

    Once your chronic condition legend (a spy term, ha-ha) is established, keep your mouth shut.

    Play the game. Don't be a hero or a martyr - leave that nonsense for someone else. Live your life and fall back on health excuses whenever you need to.


  • etna

    Desi, I feel for you and Hadit, I'm sorry for what you've been through and what you will be through. I was lucky, cause my wife just didn't believe anymore of their rubbish, but I did. What has helped me is this site and advice from others and reading crisis of conscience and search of christian freedom and then also reading awakening of a jehovahs witness and realising why I couldn't let go. (I was born into the "truth").

    Careful what you say and who you say it to. Its a shame we can't speak up and be true to ourselves, but eventually you will.


  • Desilusionnee

    Thanks Metatron and Etna for your good advise!

    I will be more carefull than I ever did. Say nothing...yes it's better to shut one's mouth. Good lesson for me. I think I can trust Hubby as he never was a core believer, he just likes the social network in the KH and feels free from teachings like the trinity, but he doesn't believe everything the FDS teaches.

    Claim an illness...hum, wait. Depression...noone who knows me will believe it, but burnout could certainly work as I did have one 3 years ago. Everybody knows I'm a working mum, own my own business, have a house and 2 little girls: that's much work. They could believe it, I've to work at the scenario...

    Thanks for your help. So happy I found this forum!


  • JustHuman14

    I know how you feel. I was in the same situation, but 15 years ago. Yes it was the first change of the generation done by the WT. It was the contemporary “light”.

    I had the misfortune to be teenager at the early 80’s, when all that pressure about “worldly education” was coming out from the headquarters. It was close to the 1975 fiasco of the WT, then it was the Ray Franz incident, so the Old boys decide to tight things more.

    So since the end was Soooooo close I quit school to become pioneer and save as many more people I can. You see our preaching was separating the sheep from the goats, according to WT since 1935. So there was no time for education since the generation that will witness the “sign” at 1914, it will be old enough to witness the end of this system. A generation lives 70-80 years, so we have 1914+70 = 1984…

    As a teenager and having faith that this was “God’s Words” and solid as a rock, I became pioneer. (I guess this pioneer thing is in the family) I quit school, plus a promising career as a musician, in order to save the World from the end.

    So I preached, in the meantime, got married, and waited for the end. Then in 1995 comes a “light” from Brooklyn. The generation now means contemporaries and does include those seeing the “sign” in 1914 and those who have seen those who seen the “sign”…and the separation work it will be done by Jesus only, so for 70 years our preaching work went down the drain!!!

    I was young and I have wasted my best years of my creative life for a preaching work that now have changed. In fact if I continue to do the preaching work I used to, I will be considered an apostate…After that, in just 5 years I became inactive, step down from all the privileges I had in the WT world and try to fix my life that was in a great financial mess. Plus I lost my credibility to all those I have preached regarding the generation: How can they believe me now? How can I tell them, look there is a new understanding now and forget the previous one? How can I be credible to them since I was telling them that this are the words of Jesus in the Bible? Was it Jesus fault of this change? Does Jesus change His mind from time to time in order to create a state of confusion to His followers? Or I spend all those years preaching a FALSE GOSPEL by FALSE PROPHETS, who claim that they have the “holy spirit”?

    During those years I didn’t proceed to a serious business deal, that for sure it would have change my financial future completely, since I come from a pour family, that spend their time to promote WT’s gospel. So due to the fact the end was near I declined that proposition. But you can’t turn back time since I was in the mid 30’s when I had to move on with my life.

    Boy it is hard world out there, especially when you have no friends and most of all education. I could see my “worldly” friends that most of them studied higher education, getting a respectable amount of money, while I was killing my self to work, doing (and still do)2-3 jobs, working 14 hours a day just to get the minimum money to support my family.

    Many didn’t like my fading. I was a great tool in the hands of the WT. So after a lot of pressure from my wife and tense and intense arguing I told I just don’t believe anymore that the WT has something to do with God. It is just an American Religion created 150 years ago by a guy who has no clue of Christianity, based upon Pyramidology and Occult practices, passed upon wrong dates that coming out from the measures of Pyramids (607 B.C instead of 587 B.C). So it is easy to guess what happened. I was handed over to the ”loving elders” of the WT Society by my wife for apostasy…So I managed to get way from been disfellowshiped, and I continue my fading. But this wasn’t enough so few years later again I was turned to the elders for apostasy, but this time I was strong enough to blow WT in their faces. I walked for the KH and never turned back.

    As you will already know WT controls your family. There is no real love amongst the JW couples, actually I found that their love is with terms and conditions. Follow them in order to love you. So my family was broken due to WT’s policy of disfellowship and I left house, since there was no way that I could have a normal life.

    In my case I was born in the WT, didn’t had anyone else in my life besides JW’s and trying to be a normal person it takes years, specially to deprogram your mind from the brainwashing of the WT. Like you I have children but I speak to them why I left WT and why they should use their mind capabilities, conscious in their life.

    I did found peace on mind after living WT, and tried to live a peaceful life. Most of all I enjoy freedom of thought without anyone telling what to believe today….If you need anything PM

  • JustHuman14

    Desi's post:

    Hi all,

    I feel so discourage by now. Thursday was the first time I went to the meetings since 3 weeks and some looked at me in a strange way. One of this persons was an elder I like very much. He greeted me with a reproachful look and after the meeting he came to me and asked (on a false joking tone) if I still new them. I just answered no in the same tone and went.

    Yesterday after the meeting, we went to eat an ice cream with our daughters and some “friends” from the KH, which we like very much and with whom we regularly come together. I talked with a sister about the new generation teaching and told her how silly I find the new explanation. You should have seen how fast she went on “JW-mode”. She was on the defensive and asked me if I’m from the GB to know what is silly and what not. I told her it lacks of logic. She told me it’s just the new light. It has been like that since at least 100 years, that’s it. Then I asked her why the new light of 2007 about the generation is obsolete by now? Aren’t they directed by the Holy Spirit? Then I said the truth as revealed in the bible doesn’t change, only human interpretations, that are imperfect, change. She had to agree and then said the bible says they are the FDS not the F and perfect slave. Jehovah has is timetable and will fulfill his will in due time even if it’s the grand-children of her 14 year old daughter who will see this fulfillment. As I saw she was getting nervous and not acting as usual, I just agreed and let her alone. I just wanted to scream.

    When I was in the car I told my husband that I don’t believe in this stuff anymore. I believe in God, but not in the FDS. He asked me if this organization is not God’s organization which one is serving God ? I told him I don’t even know if God has an organization on earth. Then he asked me if I believe Moses was led by God? I said yes. Then he asked me if all he did was perfect. I told him no he did some mistakes, but everything Moses said in God’s name accomplished. Then we stopped talking about that.

    I was asking myself why I was still going to those meetings. I found out the truth about the Borg 3 month ago, and for me it was clear enough to stop preparing any meeting and involving myself in this imperfect organization. I wanted to fade slowly…(sigh).

    Now I don’t even know what to do. It’s so difficult when you have a hubby you really love and 2 little children. If I were single, I would have left straight away.

    Yesterday I felt so discouraged after the meeting. I thought I will stop all activities relating to this organization. In order to get encouragements I came on the forum and read until 1.00 am then I went exhausted to bed.

    Sorry for talking so much, but I just wanted to share my feelings with you.



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