I feel so discourage by now. Thursday was the first time I went to the meetings since 3 weeks and some looked at me in a strange way. One of this persons was an elder I like very much. He greeted me with a reproachful look and after the meeting he came to me and asked (on a false joking tone) if I still new them. I just answered no in the same tone and went.
Yesterday after the meeting, we went to eat an ice cream with our daughters and some “friends” from the KH, which we like very much and with whom we regularly come together. I talked with a sister about the new generation teaching and told her how silly I find the new explanation. You should have seen how fast she went on “JW-mode”. She was on the defensive and asked me if I’m from the GB to know what is silly and what not. I told her it lacks of logic. She told me it’s just the new light. It has been like that since at least 100 years, that’s it. Then I asked her why the new light of 2007 about the generation is obsolete by now? Aren’t they directed by the Holy Spirit? Then I said the truth as revealed in the bible doesn’t change, only human interpretations, that are imperfect, change. She had to agree and then said the bible says they are the FDS not the F and perfect slave. Jehovah has is timetable and will fulfill his will in due time even if it’s the grand-children of her 14 year old daughter who will see this fulfillment. As I saw she was getting nervous and not acting as usual, I just agreed and let her alone. I just wanted to scream.
When I was in the car I told my husband that I don’t believe in this stuff anymore. I believe in God, but not in the FDS. He asked me if this organization is not God’s organization which one is serving God ? I told him I don’t even know if God has an organization on earth. Then he asked me if I believe Moses was led by God? I said yes. Then he asked me if all he did was perfect. I told him no he did some mistakes, but everything Moses said in God’s name accomplished. Then we stopped talking about that.
I was asking myself why I was still going to those meetings. I found out the truth about the Borg 3 month ago, and for me it was clear enough to stop preparing any meeting and involving myself in this imperfect organization. I wanted to fade slowly…(sigh).
Now I don’t even know what to do. It’s so difficult when you have a hubby you really love and 2 little children. If I were single, I would have left straight away.
Yesterday I felt so discouraged after the meeting. I thought I will stop all activities relating to this organization. In order to get encouragements I came on the forum and read until 1.00 am then I went exhausted to bed.
Sorry for talking so much, but I just wanted to share my feelings with you.