I feel so discourage

by Desilusionnee 35 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

  • Desilusionnee

    Hi all,

    I feel so discourage by now. Thursday was the first time I went to the meetings since 3 weeks and some looked at me in a strange way. One of this persons was an elder I like very much. He greeted me with a reproachful look and after the meeting he came to me and asked (on a false joking tone) if I still new them. I just answered no in the same tone and went.

    Yesterday after the meeting, we went to eat an ice cream with our daughters and some “friends” from the KH, which we like very much and with whom we regularly come together. I talked with a sister about the new generation teaching and told her how silly I find the new explanation. You should have seen how fast she went on “JW-mode”. She was on the defensive and asked me if I’m from the GB to know what is silly and what not. I told her it lacks of logic. She told me it’s just the new light. It has been like that since at least 100 years, that’s it. Then I asked her why the new light of 2007 about the generation is obsolete by now? Aren’t they directed by the Holy Spirit? Then I said the truth as revealed in the bible doesn’t change, only human interpretations, that are imperfect, change. She had to agree and then said the bible says they are the FDS not the F and perfect slave. Jehovah has is timetable and will fulfill his will in due time even if it’s the grand-children of her 14 year old daughter who will see this fulfillment. As I saw she was getting nervous and not acting as usual, I just agreed and let her alone. I just wanted to scream.

    When I was in the car I told my husband that I don’t believe in this stuff anymore. I believe in God, but not in the FDS. He asked me if this organization is not God’s organization which one is serving God ? I told him I don’t even know if God has an organization on earth. Then he asked me if I believe Moses was led by God? I said yes. Then he asked me if all he did was perfect. I told him no he did some mistakes, but everything Moses said in God’s name accomplished. Then we stopped talking about that.

    I was asking myself why I was still going to those meetings. I found out the truth about the Borg 3 month ago, and for me it was clear enough to stop preparing any meeting and involving myself in this imperfect organization. I wanted to fade slowly…(sigh).

    Now I don’t even know what to do. It’s so difficult when you have a hubby you really love and 2 little children. If I were single, I would have left straight away.

    Yesterday I felt so discouraged after the meeting. I thought I will stop all activities relating to this organization. In order to get encouragements I came on the forum and read until 1.00 am then I went exhausted to bed.

    Sorry for talking so much, but I just wanted to share my feelings with you.



  • LostGeneration

    Sorry you are having a hard time...I've been a little upset over the past few days as well. That generation overlap thing is really a doozy.

    A quick bit of advice, you might want to quiet down your "apostate" comments, especially to your friend. If you trust your husband that is a different matter. That is unless you want some visits from your elders and possible JC for apostasy. Never underestimate how quickly they will turn on you if they think you are going against the "slave"

    That being said, it sounds like you are happier when you are not going to the meetings. If your husband isn't upset about you not going, then dont go. Don't protest if he still wants to go, just let him and see how he reacts after a short time. You never know, he might slowly follow you right out the door.

  • Desilusionnee

    Thanks LostGeneration for answering...

    We just talk about this generation teaching because this sister told me how silly she found one of the "Do you recall" questions. She said I've the feeling they think we have no brain. Then we came to speak about the generation.

    I trust my husband and can speak openly with him about my feelings although I try to be moderate.

    The problem with going or not going to the meetings is that he doesn't want to go alone (above all because they quetion him about why I'm not there) and our daughters have their little friends and candygrandmas and enjoy going to the meeting because of the "social network". What I try to utilize is that my husband always hated going to FS so we nearly don't go...I hope the rest will follow but he really belives it's God's organization.


  • alanv

    It is very hard for you in this situation, but there comes a time when you can no loger live a lie. Although your daughters may like going to meetings now it's extremely likely they will leave as they get older (66% of those brought up as witnesses leave when they become adults)

    Your husband almost certainly likes the power he has in the cong, but sooner or later he will hopefully see the double standards and hypocrisy that goes on in the org. I wish you well.

  • Desilusionnee

    I've the feeling this time is near and it scares me a little. I also hope my husband will open his eyes very soon. I'm working on it.


  • jamiebowers

    Seek out a new social network for you and your family, so missing the meetings won't be so difficult for your kids. If going to the meetings upsets you, then stop doing it. Your husband is a big boy...he can go alone if he really wants to. Advise him to tell the nosey people who inquire about you that they should ask you directly if they really want to know. Most wouldn't have the nerve to ask you, but for those who do, just smile and firmly say that you couldn't make it. Rinse and repeat, and eventually they'll leave you alone when it's figured out that they're not getting any gossip fodder from you.

  • elderelite

    Desi, your story touches me because I am in the same spot, gender not withstanding. When I brought the generation crap to my wifes attention she simply said she would "have to digest it more" in order to understand it. No amount of chewing is going to make that work. The problem for me and possibly you, is that we are being asked to turn our brains off and accept obvious nonsense. But we both have mates we love. Just work with your husband. I would not advise forcing the issue. Just six months ago "apostate" talk from him may have freaked you out.. take it slow. Just remember if the generation is truly the crap we think it is, you have many years ahead of you. Plenty of time to work with him. Its not ideal, I want to run away screaming from this thing right now myself, but we married "for better or worse" as it were. Just keep learning and trying to work it in wherever you can, carefully and not bitterly. If you think of anything better please tell me i will take any useful suggestions, but it sounds like we both want the same end result. Walking away with our family's intact. Its just going to take time.

  • gotout

    "By this all will know you are my disciples, if you have love amongst yourselves." Do you see this love? Then you have the correct answer to your internal struggle.

  • Hadit

    I'm so sorry. This is such a tough road. I trusted my husband too but he trusts the faithful slave more than he trusts me. I had two elders show up unannounced AGAIN yesterday (I think my husband knew) and am reeling and upset. I didn't stay to talk but I overheard some of the stuff. I'll post it once I get over the sick, shaky feeling I have. I feel for you. Please don't say too much to anyone until you have a plan. These men are evil.

    My thoughts are with you - sending you hugs.

  • Desilusionnee

    I'm trying to find the balance.

    @ Jamiebowers, I also think the children will forget their KH-friends very quickly and I'm working on inviting more Kinder garden friends of my older daughter so that they don't feel alone. Some children from the neighborhood come sometimes to pick them up to play. So I don't think it will be a big problem but as Elderelite pointed out, I don't want to leave alone.

    @Yes Elderelite we are in a similar situation I want to walk away with my family. It's also interesting that the sister I was talking to yesterday also told me she is waiting for the DC and hopes it will help to fix this change in our minds. I really wanted to scream. It's like your wife saying "she would have to digest it more" in order to understand it better. There is no logic in this explaination.

    One really have the feeling some intelligent brosis are turing their brains away when they "study" or are in the KH. It's amazing. But I don't know how I would have reacted if someone had told me 4 months ago what I know today. So I try to be patient and find balance although it's really difficult for me now because I don't wan't to hear that nonsense anymore.


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