I feel so discourage

by Desilusionnee 35 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

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  DeathSentry

  I empathsize. Although I'm not married (divorced), I've been around the Truth since I was a child (am 48 now), and I guess I was a bit unnerved in 1995; but seeing the change in 2008 was troubling and I guess this last overlapping interpretation was the straw that broke the camel's back for me. I still believe in many of the core teachings, but I texted the brother I study with yesterday and told him I no longer believe in the FDS. I can't understand how you can be spirit-directed but be wrong on such a core belief. And secondly, this re-interpretation makes no logical sense.

  Its confusing/frustrating now as I do not know where to turn and am at the point of leaning towards agnosticism. So I empathisize with anyone who has been impacted by the change in teaching; I wish you the best desi.
• 

  thetrueone

  Yes it can be certainly be disconcerting when new light presented by the FDS establishes that previous light/information was constructed

  lies of self promotion.This is how this man made organization works, through fear, guilt, exploitation, coercion and manipulation and just

  plain old fashion ignorance.

  That is the history of this disingenuous publishing house from its very beginning.

  The WTS and the self proclaimed FDS as they call themselves is a corporate kingdom of corruption where men play god and try to control others.

  Is made up of power seeking men who are really a danger to society through their complacent ignorance and corruption.

  Thats why so many are waking up in seeing the reality of what and why this organization got started from its very beginning.
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  cognizant dissident

  I find it interesting that your husband doesn't want to go alone because "they" (the congregation) make him uncomfortable with all their questioning about your absence. On some level, he is sensing the judgemental attitude of JW's and know that their acceptance of him and your daughter is conditionally based on you all keeping up appearances in the congregation. It is not a supportive place for him to find comfort at the sadness of his wife no longer believing.

  The bottom line is: You are going to have to make a choice if you want to spend the rest of your life spending a lot of time living a very time and energy consuming lifestyle that you do not believe in, just so your husband doesn't experience any social discomfort at the hall.

  As for your daughter's friends, their parents will stop their kids having anything to do with your daughter at the first hint of you being an unbeliever. I know this, as I had 20 year friendships, with children whom I was present at their birth, no longer able to come to my house and associate with my son, and I was not even df'd or reproved, only inactive.

  Childhood friendships are based on shared activities (such as school, church, sports, etc) and often do not last when the shared activity is over. Your daughter can find friends anywhere and candy grandma's are pretty easy to find too. I'll bet there's a few right in your neighbourhood. Or, take her to an old folks home for a visit and she will have no shortage.

  In my opinion, those are no reasons to live a life you don't want. However, if you're husband still wants to go, then I suggest to make it more comfortable for him, you don't spread your doubts and opinions around the hall. You will get df'd for that. But if that one sister tells the elders on you, you can just tell them that she started the conversation with her remarks about the questions from readers and then you felt free to confide something you didn't understand. Keep it on the "doubt" or "don't understand the logic" level, and they won't df you. If you act like you "know" for sure it's not the truth and try to convince anyone else, then they will df you.
• 

  Desilusionnee

  What upsets me is that many say they don't care about 1914. It's not that important. So the generation change means nothing to them. Many didn't even notice the change made 3 years ago and they don't understand this one, but as it's coming from the slave, they just swallow it.

  @DeathSentry, what did the brother who study with you answer?
• 

  Scarred for life

  I agree with cognizant dissident. Your daughters' friends and their parents will cut off friendships at the first hint that you are no longer a believer. Your daughters will be "bad associations". Concentrate of developing friends for them in other places. And make sure you look for friends for yourself also. Is there any non-JW friend you have now that you could confide in and tell her what is going on in your life and that you're going through a major transition and need support?
• 

  thetrueone

  It may be possible to find some encouragement and a bit of understanding from this list of identifying dangerous cults.......hang in there Desi

  Perhaps all JWS should review this list and see if its relevant to their organization of which they are a part of .

  Ten warning signs of a potentially unsafe group/leader.

  1. Absolute authoritarianism without meaningful accountability.

  2. No tolerance for questions or critical inquiry.

  3. No meaningful financial disclosure regarding budget, expenses such as an independently audited financial statement.

  4. Unreasonable fear about the outside world, such as impending catastrophe, evil conspiracies and persecutions.

  5. There is no legitimate reason to leave, former followers are always wrong in leaving, negative or even evil.

  6. Former members often relate the same stories of abuse and reflect a similar pattern of grievances.

  7. There are records, books, news articles, or television programs that document the abuses of the group/leader.

  8. Followers feel they can never be "good enough".

  9. The group/leader is always right.

  10. The group/leader is the exclusive means of knowing "truth" or receiving validation, no other process of discovery is really acceptable or credible.

  Ten warning signs regarding people involved in/with a potentially unsafe group/leader.

  1. Extreme obsessiveness regarding the group/leader resulting in the exclusion of almost every practical consideration.

  2. Individual identity, the group, the leader and/or God as distinct and separate categories of existence become increasingly blurred. Instead, in the follower's mind these identities become substantially and increasingly fused--as that person's involvement with the group/leader continues and deepens.

  3. Whenever the group/leader is criticized or questioned it is characterized as "persecution".

  4. Uncharacteristically stilted and seemingly programmed conversation and mannerisms, cloning of the group/leader in personal behavior.

  5. Dependency upon the group/leader for problem solving, solutions, and definitions without meaningful reflective thought. A seeming inability to think independently or analyze situations without group/leader involvement.

  6. Hyperactivity centered on the group/leader agenda, which seems to supersede any personal goals or individual interests.

  7. A dramatic loss of spontaneity and sense of humor.

  8. Increasing isolation from family and old friends unless they demonstrate an interest in the group/leader.

  9. Anything the group/leader does can be justified no matter how harsh or harmful.

  10. Former followers are at best-considered negative or worse evil and under bad influences. They can not be trusted and personal contact is avoided.
• 

  Desilusionnee

  Cognizant dissident and Scared for life, I totally agree with you. My husband and I used to have a social life outside the Borg before we got the children. But since they are born, we have so much to do with our jobs, the children, meetings, preparation, FS and so on, that we don’t go out anymore with colleagues. No time for jogging / marathon/training etc anymore…I’m working at “restoring” those activities so that Hubby forgets the social network we have in the KH.
  
  

  And yes you’re right, those “friendships” are conditional. I feel it already. I used to be very “zealous”, but since I found all that out, WE don’t prepare any meeting (nearly 3 months now!) anymore which would have been unthinkable 4 months ago.

  I also try to work at Hubby. This morning during breakfast, I asked him what he would think of an organization pretending to be led by HS and that teaches something and exactly the contrary a few years later. If he were Jehovah, would he deceive his people by telling something and then the contrary? I then took the example of the 1995 generation teaching that pretended that this G couldn’t be the anointed as the disciples were not already anointed as Jesus pronounced this prophecy. So this G must be the G of wicked ones. And the new teaching (15 years later) affirms that the G is an overlapping G of anointed. He couldn’t disagree with me and answered they cannot be led by the HS. Then he mentioned the rain or not rain before the flood teaching which we never could believe in. And then I told him our argument has always been this belief is not that important for our faith so we had no problem with it. I also told him that regarding the new G-teaching, many say it’s not that important for their faith in the FDS. But when we think about the fact that the 1914 doctrine is the core teaching for JW, all we believe in is based on that date, shouldn’t it be important for our faith?

  He surely will think about it. It may take time, but I want to get him out of this cult because he is a really great guy. That’s why I try to do it very slowly since April but I’m just feeling tired of it all. We have DC this week-end and after that I want to stop going…he will have to accept it.

  Thanks to all for your comments!

  Desi
• 

  Chalam

  Philippians 4:5-7 (New International Version)

  5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

  Romans 10:9-13 (New International Version)

  9 That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. 11 As the Scripture says, "Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame." [ a ] 12 For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, 13 for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." [ b ]

  Footnotes:

  1. Romans 10:11 Isaiah 28:16
  2. Romans 10:13 Joel 2:32

  John 6:53-54 (New International Version)

  53 Jesus said to them, "I tell you the truth, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. 54 Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day.

  Blessings,

  Stephen
• 

  DeathSentry

  Hi Desi,

  The brother I studied with said it wasn't important as well; that we don't serve Jehovah just because of looking to get a reward/everlasting life but rather, out of love. I told him I understood that, but some people make life choices as well as it framed our thinking. Like for me, I always thought of never seeing my parents die and now I have to address that all these years later. Similarly, some couples didn't have kids but rather said they'd wait until the new system.

  He said he understood but again, it should be out of love that we serve. So I have another meeting wth him this week but yeah, no one wants to at least acknowledge that its not just a trivial thing. I imagine those in 1975 had the same issues. I'll post here the outcome but I know it puts this brother in a tough spot, I'd rather see the FDS acknowledge it at least in their magazines.
• 

  sabastious

  Hang in there it gets better with time. The freedom you will soon feel is immeasurable.

  -Sab