Deprogramming... yourself.

by confliction 24 Replies latest jw friends

  • confliction

    lol well I actually believed what I was being taught lol- Idk how to explain it. Talking to girls in the hall is fine but outside is just strange, like, what do you talk about? lol.

    I was extremely sheltered by my parents the whole time- I've never really spoken with anybody outside of the hall for just social interaction, you know? So in a way, it's kind of like, talking to a pirate or something. You've never really just shot the breeze with a pirate lol- so what do you do when you find yourself hanging out with one?

    Alright, I'm sure the pirate example just completely destroyed the point I'm trying to make- ignore that lol... I guess it's that I see worldy girls with preconceived ideas of how they are and what they're supposed to be like, and all those preconceived ideas (from parents, elders, and the like) are all wrong, but it's stuck in my head and interferes everytime I try to just chill out and talk like a normal person.

    Idk, maybe I'm just a really effed up melon from the patch... lol.

  • jamiebowers

    I've spoken to many young exiting and ex jws who feel the same way. Just converse wth "worldly" people as much as you can. You may want to join some kind of on line teen group first. It's like anything else; the more practice you have, the better you'll be. And you will find yourself in the jw mindset for years to come. It's an ongoing process to unclutter your mind of the cult control.

  • Newborn

    Dearest confliction, I feel for you, but you should be happy you're so young and have already realised that the truth isn't the truth!! I wish I had been younger...

    I know exactly how you feel and what you mean. We were all taught that "wordly" people are dangerous etc etc. But a whole new world will open to you once you start to associate and speak to more and more persons and girls. You will come to realise that there are so many wonderful and loving nice people out there who also have moral standards and good principles. Of course you shouldn't be too naiv but I've found that most people out there are better than any friend I ever had in the org and now I often feel ashamed that I judged them so hard before, when they were better than me all the time...

    Take it step by step and enjoy life and follow your heart. You've got time!

    Good luck
    Your friend Newborn

  • digderidoo

    I can relate totally to what you are saying. I was 27 when i left the organisation, prior to that i'd had no real interaction with anybody outside. I didn't know how to mix or socialise with anybody, where do you meet them? What do you talk about? It was a big learning curve, i watched others and saw how they did it. Find yourself a friend and start going out, meet as many new people as you can. Even talk about your experience as a JW if you feel comfortable with it, you'll find that people in general are interested in it.

    You've just got to put yourself out there and go for it, no matter how scary that may be.


  • Aussie Oz
    Aussie Oz

    scary? Hell yeah.

    Worldly girls? Try them, nothing like facing your fears to overcome them, you'll be like a kid in a lollie shop!



  • darth frosty
  • Witness My Fury
    Witness My Fury

    I think its the subconscious realisation that SEX is a very REAL possibility with "worldly" girls.

    So your programmed aversion is to sexual temptation with the real prospect of fornicating. Masturbation and porn dont fall into this category so dont trigger the aversion as strongly because the outcome is not the major "sin" of fornication.

    So you need to erase the mental jump to sex that is triggered in your mind and thus the aversion trigger that is programmed and just see them as people.

    Just a thought.


  • LouBelle

    Hi Confliction and welcome to the board. You are still young and though you have been programmed for 17 years, you'll be able to deprogramm yourself. It takes baby steps.

    Girls aren't bad at all - and as you said, you know this intellectually but acting on it is the hard thing. Just start with being polite to girls, when they greet and smile, do the same, look them in their eyes, smile/nod. Just get comfortable with the basics first. Then from there you take the next little step.

    Don't stress out about it too much though.

    I'd take you for a cuppa if you were in my city - I'm a woman but wouldn't mind helping you out, meeting girls, and just learning to be okay with us around.

  • WingCommander

    So you are 18? Ok, I am 30.

    I'm going to be brutally honest with you and everyone else on here. While I was growing up, I found the "Witness girls" to be mostly stuck-up, repressed, snobbish, cliquish, B*tches. Seriously, I couldn't stand them. And there were really only 2 kinds: really hot, or really ugly. You know which JW women I got along with best? Older, more mature women. I'm talking 15-25 years my own age. I got along with them perfectly, and my hormones always wished they would have made a move on me.

    I was somewhat the opposite of you; in school I got along great with the "Worldly" girls of my own age. They were REAL, not some fake, polished, dress wearing, submissive, brainless, Quaker wanna-be. They wore shorts and showed some leg. They were fun and smart. Witness chicks (Teens, early 20's) were totally fake and since I wasn't interested in becoming an MS, I might as well have been invisible to them. There was ONE girl I liked when I was 16. She was 14, but was STACKED, pretty, and smart. She let it be known that she liked me. Too bad her step-father was the PO at the time, albeit a nice guy. He put a stop to her liking me. That sucked big-time, and I gave up ANY hope of finding a "witness mate" after that as I just knew I'd never be "good enough" for any of those condescending snobs. When I was 17, I confronted my parents with the fact that a 21-year old girl that I worked with at a local grocery store had asked me out. I was about to be a senior in high school and I point blank told them that I felt since I was old enough to work, pay for my own clothes, car, insurance, etc that I felt I was old enough to date as well. Surprisingly, they agreed and allowed me to date anyone I liked, as long as I was home by midnight. About 2 weeks later they came home from the grocery store and my father pushed a pack of condoms across the table at me. I was astounded!!! He was smart though, and knew I might as well be safe if I was going to be dating. This from pretty hard-core JW's while I was young!!! Guess they figured my bible-trained conscience would keep me out of most trouble. Funny thing is, it actually kept my virginity for another 6 months with the same girl. Man, I was a fool!! If I were smarter (and filled with less ingrained guilt) I would have used that box right away!!!!!

    Other relationships came and went, until I was about 22 and met my current wife who is 17 years my senior. Been married 7 years.

    Get on with your life and stop worrying about JW girls or even worldy women. What I discovered was that the manners, morals, and respect that I was taught while growing up a JW were actually very much sought after by "worldly" women who are impressed to the nth degree with them.

    - Wing Commander

  • lisaBObeesa

    Hey, confliction.

    I left the Borg at 18, too. The difference was I had not believed in it for several years by the time I left. And it STILL took a long time to get rid of that crazy programming.

    You are normal and perfect just the way you are. Don't be hard on yourself and expect instant change. Take it easy on yourself. You have been through a lot.

    What I'm trying to say is, it takes time. It really just takes time. Several years. So relax, get out there and live your life in the real world as best you can, always use critical thinking skills, and one day you'll think about it and realize almost all the borg programing has fallen away.

    It's not going to happen over night.

    But that's ok. It really is.

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