Feeling really sad

by NiceDream 25 Replies latest social relationships

  • truthlover

    Hi Nice Dream:

    Its so difficult when you begin to have doubts - its almost like when your coming into the "truth" and your full of zeal to spread the word!

    Then, your eyes are opened and you have a zeal to tell what you have figured out for yourself.. I can only say to put a hold on the zeal.. if hubby is not at your understanding yet, its going to take time, a lot of time perhaps, but you have to "pick your battles", humbly and slowly, not overbearing, as he is still in "the head of the house" mode. If he has little association outside the home, he will rely on you, and now maybe he feels he is losing you to something he does not understand quite yet, therefore, you have to make him understand the love you have for him and your child and nothing separate you from that. If you still believe the bible and in Jesus and Jehovah, tell him so, a lot of people still do, just dont believe in a worldy org run by 8 men who have dictated their laws to the rank and file.

    The last thing you would do is talk to the elders - they are schooled deep in the org. and this may cause both of you a lot of stress.. think this out--pull together as a family - have date nights, go to the beach , go on hikes, do everything as a family unit and grow stronger towards each other.. why would he say he is unhappy in the marriage? Is there more he can do to help you? Seeing you are 29, or thereabouts now, the 10 years of marriage was a learning process - rather than giving up, you both should be working together.Can you move closer to family? If he feels alone and hard to communicate, maybe having family close could help you, even if it were your family. Many young people in the truth are low on self esteem - does he have any interests- golf? can u play? If not, learn to tennis, etc. anything couples can do - start cooking meals and doing things for him - I dont know what your situation is but the more you give, the more you will receive -- in this case, love.

  • Scottiebear7

    NiceDream... I feel for you as well. My Witness wife and I are going through the divorce process right now (I'm not a witness) and its not easy. If you would like your marriage to work, I would suggest like other posters have said... you two need to get away and spend some time with each other. Don't expect the communication to start right away, but if you two are away together for 3-4 days, a week maybe?, I think you'll find each other talking to one another. You may reconnect with one another, you may not... that is only something the two of you will find out. If you two love each other, then communication is the key. So often in my own marriage I found my wife "shut-off" when it came to talking, and I do believe it had a lot to do with the whole mind control aspect of being a witness. That made it almost impossible to have a heart-to-heart conversation, like we used to have early on in our marriage.

    Again, take some time for yourselves, and try to communicate. I truly wish you the best.


  • LouBelle

    Hello NiceDream - for startes I like your name :) plus to dream is to keep hope alive.

    Whew all I can say is do your research with hubby, talk to hubby in an encouraging manner and make the life at home enjoyable. You both have to make yourselves happy. We have one life and need to make it full of joy and as many happy moments as we can.

    May you find your path and your truth.

  • finallyfree!

    Wow!! Your story is exactly the same as mine only my ex was never really into the "truth". I was more into it than her and she kinda wore off on me. So I guess when push came to shove I didn't have a hard time saying bye to the wts. I was married at 18 too and it lasted about 6 yrs. If you can, make it work. Especially when there are kids involved. I know it sounds kinda sneaky but you'd be much happier out of the wts with your hubby than in. I know personally, the source of the majority of my fights with my ex were because of the "truth". But telling u from experience try to make it work. At least if in the end it doesn't, you can't say u didn't try.

  • NiceDream

    Quandry - Congratulations on being married for almost 40 years! That's a wonderful accomplishment. I agree that if we can hang in there, it will be worth it in the end.

    Nugget - It is definitely an adjustment after having a child! We have no time to talk with each other, but it's so important that we find the time to reconnect again. His parents live separate lives, and I don't want that to be us after our children leave the nest.

    MrFreeze - Thank you very much for your kind words. I feel bad for my husband because he realizes that he is unable to communicate (not only with me, but with anyone). He is a very closed up individual. When we were dating, we could talk on the phone for hours, so I think counseling might help him to open up again. He's very repressed.

    S8 - Thank you for your kind words as well. :) I'm happy that things worked out for you too. I've had doubts for 10 years, but it took my sister to leave for me to investigate them. The grip the society has on people is amazing! I'm reading a book for regular Christians on being a better wife, and so far my husband did notice a positive change from the book. We get along great if we don't talk about religion, so I'll put that on the shelf for now.

    WTL - I think it's hard for witnesses to have things in common because we're supposed to spend all our time in theocratic activities. We feel guilty if we go on vacation and miss the meetings, or go to the park instead of on service. I'll try and find some fun things we can do together and as a family to build our relationship up again.

    Chalam - Thank you for your suggestion. I've been reading the NIV Bible my friend gave me and found the message to be so different than the NWT. I hope I can get my husband to read it with me sometime. I noticed the Watchtower quoted from different Bible translations lately, and at our convention the speakers also quoted different Bible translations 3 times.

    CHG - Thank you for sharing your experience. It's so hard to be married so young when you don't even know yourself yet.

    TruthLover - Thank you for your helpful advice too. My husband does have low self-esteem, he's so smart and underestimates himself. I'm encouraging him to go back to school so he can get a job he'll enjoy more. I keep trying to reassure him that I love him and that our family comes first, I'll keep remembering to do that.

    Scottiebear - I'm sorry you're going through a difficult time right now. I think being a Witness sometimes causes people to not develop very well socially. They can quickly dismiss things with "that's the world for you" anytime they feel uncomfortable with reality. Going away is something we really need. I'll start looking for a holiday soon.

    LouBelle - "May you find your path and your truth." Thank you, this is what I really believe now, that everyone has their own path.

    FinallyFree! - I really like your name, it's a wonderful feeling to be free. Thank you for your advice too. We've already invested a lot of time together, so hopefully he's willing to work on things too. I don't think he wants to lose anytime with our child, so he'll try and make it work.

    Thank you again everyone for all the helpful advice and support. My husband and I have been through so much in the past couple years (car accident injuries and insurance problems, pregnancy, new baby, health problems, etc.), so I think getting away is a great idea. It's hard to take time out for your partner when you have a little one at home, but I hope if we did take some time, we could reconnect.

    I find it funny that my husband thought I was so unhappy after we got married. I told him it was because he expected me to do things I didn't have to do at home, like going on service without question every Saturday morning, or rushing to get to all the meetings and being stressed out if we were a few minutes late. I felt it was more important to do my studies and prepare for FS, but he was all about the "perception." He didn't care if he was prepared as long as he was there.

    I feel so much happier now that I realize this isn't the "truth." When we miss meetings, we have time to do our yardwork, talk to our neighbors, and go to the park and have fun.

    He recently overheard me talking on the phone about telling my parents about my doubts and was really mad. He didn't bring it up with me, and I didn't bother either. Hopefully we'll be able to work this out sometime!

    It would be hard for him to think he's losing me and our family. I keep reassuring him that I do love him and don't want to break up our family. He thought I was selfish for abandoning him and out child because I won't be in the new system. But I asked him why wouldn't I be there if I still choose to believe in God and the Bible and want to worship God with Spirit and Truth. Jesus is the way and the truth...not the WTBTS.

    Thank you again everyone! We just had most of his family here visiting for the convention. They are spiritually strong, and quite a contrast to my husband. Sometimes I feel guilty that I've dragged him down, but I think if it was really important to him, he would be more spiritual?

  • edward612

    (((((((hugs to you)))))))?? how do u do that??

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