Feeling really sad

by NiceDream 25 Replies latest social relationships

  • Quandry

    Good advice. Marriage at a young age is quite an adjustment, then a child comes into the picture and as a couple you have even less time for just the two of you.

    I echo the advice from others to try to get any focus off of the WTS. Try to find common ground with things you do have an interest in. Maybe sightseeing, picnics, long walks.

    Any marriage is difficult. Patience is called for. I was married at eighteen. I have been married for close to forty years. It ain't easy.....but hang in....it's worth it.

  • nugget

    You are having such a difficult time and my heart goes out to both of you. You make adjustments when you get married and you make more when you have children and more still when you start to question your beliefs.

    You may feel everything is coming at once and you may need to take time to talk about what you both want. You are not the same person he married you're a wife and a mother and he has changed too.

    what was it that drew you together in the beginning? What did he love about you and what did you love about him? Remind yourselves what was special and wonderful about your relationship.

    When children are small we stop investing in each other because the children take priority but you need time to be a couple, to regain your joy. Work on your relationship first and park religious concerns for later.

  • Mickey mouse
    Mickey mouse

    ((NiceDream)) you have a PM.

  • MrFreeze

    I definitely feel bad for ya NiceDream. It certainly is awful to see a marriage fall on hard times like that. I think it would definitely be best if could both get out of the JW's. It only seems to be making things worse. It seems like you really love your husband. I really do think that communication is the key here. How can you fix things if he's not willing to open up? You seem like the kind of person who is willing to make adjustments. I'm not so sure about him though. I deeply hope it works out in the end.


    You can do it. You'll get a lot of support here.

    I was DF'd and at 19 walked into a relationship where 3 kids under the age of 5 were already present. 20 years down the line we're doing great despite a spell back in the truth (and quite strong too) and a load of health issues to cope with.

    I'm telling you this because you need to know it can be done - there's nothing special about me or my wife. We're just normal people who wanted to make it work.

    Keep at it and dont give up as it will be worth it in the end. One thing to remember is that most things we worry about never really turn out as bad as our minds make out. I now what it's like to lay awake worrying about everything and how we can create scenarios in our head of what might happen. It rarely does.

    As for addressing your issues about the truth with an elder - leave it. You wont get anywhere. Many brothers who are well versed in scripture have gone down that road and it just causes more problems. You can be sure that some elders have the same doubts but they wont tell you and will keep it quiet for fear of what will happen to them. Eventually some manage to get free but its really hard for them and a sad situation.

    You've probably done enough already by sowing a seed. Go with the flow for now as it seems you are not in any danger but unhappy. You may also find someone on here with the same experience who can advise on how to tactfully sow more seeds which will lead hubby to come to his own conclusion that things are not right.

    If it helps, pray. When I first came out I switched my prayers to God rather than to Jehovah. Not that I deny Jehovah but the society has tainted the name for me. I found that praying to God was just between me and him through Jesus without the society standing in the way judging me. It's just a suggestion and it may help.

    In regard to your husbands lack of friends, there are loads of us in that situation. My school was 8 miles away from home and none of the local kids went there. So while I had friends at school I never got to see them after school or at weekends for 2 reasons - firstly they lived miles away and secondly my mother wouldn't allow it. Through adult years all my friends and family are on the inside. Now I'm out I have zero friends. But I do have my wife and kids.

    I see you've only been here a few months but you may have had doubts for a long time. There's a lot to take in. Some of the stuff on here is excellent but some of it is trash. But that's the great thing about openess - You now have the chance to use your own mind and come to your own conclusions which should give you a sense of freedom and happiness. If you are honest hearted, what more could your creator ask for? You seem intelligent enough by the structure of your original post. Keep up the good work.

    With hubby not really being fully in - not going on service, studying etc really shows how the society can get a grip on people. In our congregation we'd call him "wish wash" yet he's been exposed to enough stuff over the years to make him feel the way he does. Don't blame yourself just keep positive. With 10 years invested between you, you must be doing something right!

    Finally, be happy. Show your husband you are potentially a happier Christian even though you have doubts with the society.


  • wantstoleave

    ((Hugs)) to you...I faced similar years ago. First he had doubts, and I shut him down. Then I had doubts and he shut me down...lol. Then he left me and the kids. Unfortunately for us, as is with SO many witness marriages, we had NOTHING in common besides the truth when we married. So when we both had doubts, at different times, we felt like we were fighting each other and had nothing else to talk about. He was a poor communicator anyway, so that didn't help when I wanted to talk the general problems of our marriage out.

    You've left he seed of doubt in his mind, so it will take time for him to completely let go of his faith, especially if it's all he's ever known. But in time he may come to his senses. If not, and you can both come to an understanding about your marriage and the love you share, then you will probably stay together, albeit as different faiths.

    I'd suggest spending more family time together, going on outings on the weekend etc, especially as he sounds almost inactive anyway and 'spiritually weak'. Get to know one another again x

  • mind blown
    mind blown

    Hi NiceDream...I sent you a pm....


  • LostnFound

    Thinking of you. Hang in there..

  • Chalam

    Hello NiceDream,

    Why don't you just get a nice independent bible and see what it is saying for yourself?

    The NWT is a poor translation from the WT and is difficult to read. Even worse, it is loaded with "WT speak".

    Plenty of excellent bibles here for free, from the classic to contemporary versions. Maybe start at the Book of John?

    Some nice advice from S EIGHT by the way :)



  • Coffee House Girl
    Coffee House Girl

    I feel for you too- I married to a JW at 19 too and your experience brought back so many feelings...I hope you too can maybe try some marriage counseling and try to strengthen your bond- my marriage is long over now, but I hope for your family's sake if there is still love there that you two can build each other up

    (((((((hugs to you)))))))

    keep us posted on how you are doing,


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