Loneliness and the day I graduated from High School

by laverite 20 Replies latest jw friends

  • laverite

    Mad Sweeney, Wasblind, Scarred for Life, Mr. Flipper, Loosie, Isaacaustin – thank you all for your kind words and understanding. This is one of the only places where people understand what we have been through growing up in the bOrg.

    Scarred for Life – I, too, recently lost my mother. She died right before I started posting on this site. I don’t want to talk about that or post about – maybe someday. But that has really brought up a lot of emotion. Enough said on that for now anyway. For the past two decades, I have gone on with my life, and have done a great job of adjusting to the real world. Even though I’ve adjusted and am a happy person, I still feel like an outsider when it comes to all kinds of situations, including holidays.

    I actually told a couple of friends I’ve known for about a year now (a married couple) just the other day that I grew up in a cult. I was trying to explain why and how I never did fireworks and didn’t know anything about them. We did fireworks together on July 3 rd . They were so kind!

    And there’s always the thing about being without a family. It’s frightening to be out on your own without a family at 18. No backup whatsoever. No place to go. Totally alone. Scary! Of course, I’ve created my own family now through adoption. But my background influenced very much my decision to adopt through the foster care system.

    I couldn’t stand the idea of children being without a family so I created mine by adopting children that needed a forever family. I couldn’t have imagined any other way of creating my family. I never take my children for granted, and love them more than anything in the world. I can’t imagine rejecting them, ever.

  • mrsjones5

    How can a parent have no natural affection.

    After having four babies that I adore I often wonder about that. How could my own parents have such a lack of affection for their own children. I, too don't understand it.

  • laverite

    Mrs Jones - it's totally absolutely crazy. It's completely incomprehensible to me, too! Ugh...

  • CuriousButterfly

    Lav, I wish we knew each other then. I would have flown out there to see you graduate.

  • Ding


    I know sometimes negative emotions from our past threaten to overwhelm us and drag us down.

    These emotions have to be faced, but in the end we can't change what's happened or go back and change it.

    So, as much as possible focus on the present and on creating a positive future.

    There is an interesting scripture that just came to mind.

    Although the context is God and Israel, I think it can have individual applications as well.

    Isaiah 49:15-16: "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! 16 See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands..."

  • Open mind
    Open mind

    Here's a bit of loving kindness and compassion, twenty years late.

    All the best to you and your chosen family in the years ahead.


  • miseryloveselders

    I remember when I first read this post, and for whatever reason never posted a response. But man I feel the same sick feeling as I felt the first time reading it. My heart goes out to you Laverite. No young person, or anybody for that matter should have to go through that. I swear this organization is screwed up on so many levels. Its sick and depraved.

  • BizzyBee

    Sometimes those peak, significant experiences resist marginalization. Clearly it was a pivotal experience for you, understandably. Keep moving forward, but never forget.

  • truthseekeriam

    If your were my kid I would have completely embarrassed you on Graduation day..screaming your name and jumping up like a crazy person!

    My kids act like they don't like it but someday they will remember it.

    I'm so very sorry you didn't get to experience that I didn't either.

    I guess the best thing we can do is now is never allow our kids to feel the way we did..make it big and loud and live vicariously through them while watching them enjoy or be annoyed by us.

    As Oprah says...When you know better, you do better.

  • Broken Promises
    Broken Promises

    ((((hugs)))) to you Laverite. I was kicked out of home at 18 too (for other reasons) and I can relate. Strength and love to you.

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