Still Feeling Lost...What to Do Next?

by daringhart13 39 Replies latest jw experiences

  • daringhart13

    I'm wondering how many of you still feeling a burning need to know God and have a relationship with Him.

    I am dealing with the horrible emotions of having faded, done some things that would be considered immoral, stopped praying (not sure I ever prayed right) and generally just feeling lost.....

    What have some of you done to get back on track? I've been fading for a year and a half. Missing my first DC....

    Ugh.....having a crappy morning I guess...... just feel like I want to talk to God, but can't.

    Ironic, huh? I was the elder always giving the talks that made people cry.....look past their sins and seek Him. I can't even fix myself these days...... weird.

  • BluesBrother

    After a lifetime of pursuing "Spiritual things" I know what you mean when you feel the emptiness of a secular life....

    Personally, that faded a lot after a while and since my wife is an active dub who hates "false religion" , I have not wished to make a difficult home situation impossible by finding another religious group.. You may call that a cop out but that is the way that it is right now.

    Many others on this board have found another faith. There is plenty of info on the net. It may be an anathema to a J W, but now I see no reason to allow their disdain of other churches put one off finding out. The beauty of this new life is explore want you want and to think...

  • Lozhasleft

    If you havent read Ray Franz's books yet Daring Hart I recommend that you do it soon...especially the second one about In Search of Christian Freedom...(sorry to sound patronising if you've already done so) which deals with this dilemma that we all seem to face....

    This week in Manchester UK (where I now live) is the DA that I attended for so many years and most of my family and many old friends are there as I write...its difficult isnt it? I dont want to go back at all but there's the sense of loss to deal with and a kind of emptiness...

    I am still looking for my 'place' spiritually if there is one...being an anointed member of the cong for many years I certainly still feel the need to worship.. even if my anointing is not the way the Org relates it certainly still counts for me as an important experience with my 'God' in short...I can identify with your feelings...

    Take care. Value your freedom buddy. Forget 'praying' just talk to your God...

    Loz x

  • tec

    I don't know if I can give you anything that will help. I can only speak from my experience.

    I had a lot of trouble with prayer afterward too. Who had I been praying to all this time? How many times had I felt like I had been heard? How could I trust myself again?

    The short answer was that I couldn't trust myself. Or my judgment. I was too confused, too torn, too raw. I obsessed about finding the new truth to replace the old truth that I thought JW's had. I met with the mormons (even though the voice in the back of my head was screaming, are you insane? Have you learned nothing?) I searched the bible again and again. I continued to pray, even though it felt empty, mainly because I wasn't sure I was being heard.

    It was hard, to say the least.

    One day, I just stopped. I was in my car, the sun was shining on my face, the breeze blowing through the windows. I felt good. I felt calm. And I asked God to guide me to where I needed to be. I put myself in His hands, and gave HIM my trust.

    It wasn't just empty words that I spoke. I really felt it. I had such a sense of relief and peace, handing my trust over like that. I was no longer desperate to know 'the truth' RIGHT NOW. I stopped worrying that I didn't have all the answers - who needs them? I am one of six billion people on this planet. We don't all do the same and think the same. I just wanted God to guide me to the place he wanted ME to be, no matter how long it took, or what mistakes I made along the way.

    I started living my life. I started trusting the example Jesus taught and showed us. I started using love and mercy to guide me in my actions toward others.

    I've read testimonials from people who have lost their faith, but find great happiness/peace in not having all the answers. Of not having to know the truth. Just people who are enjoying the journey of life.

    Well I have great peace in not knowing the answers, also (but trusting that God does). I have love and joy and peace in my faith. And I am enjoying my journey through faith, every bit as much as I am enjoying my journey through life.

    That was long. Sorry. Bottom line - trust God. Accept also that your emotions are normal; that making mistakes is normal; that not knowing is normal. I hope you can hand your trust over to God as well.


  • UnConfused

    Time will sort things for you to a large extent. I felt totally lost for quite a while. This site was a nice transition into what was next for me.

  • Soldier77

    Don't know if I can say anything to help, but I'll tey...

    Remember that the bible says that God is always there for us to return to him, all we have to do is pray. I found that my spirituality has improved immensely after realizing that the org has no control over my spirituality and relationship with God. You would be amazed at how easy it is to pray to him, just be open, it's almost like therapy.

    Hang in there, keep your chin up and be true to yourself. It WILL get easier and better, reading CofC and any other books mentioned on this site will help you to get through this as well.


  • The Finger
    The Finger

    I remember sitting on the bed and thinking the few friends I had were never going to come round ever again. (I was right) I also felt a guilt in approaching God in prayer and concern about how I was going to raise my kids without it.

    The guilt has gone. The kids haven't done too bad. My praying has improved and I feel I don't have all the answers I probably never will but I trust in Christ's mercy.

    In Search of Christian Freedom helped me to see a different side to Christianity I'd not seen before. I've still got alot to learn.

  • EndofMysteries

    Daring -

    What I do is pray and read the bible, see if he answers me through there. Call it coincidence or not, but some times it's scary how the bible seems alive and to answer some questions.

    For example, I 'thought' perhaps (on my way out) that the scriptures I was reading were implying the the GB and WT were doing very bad things in God's eyes. (We are taught we are modern day spiritual israel) so I was like, if that's true.....we are in BIG TROUBLE.

    I then prayed to have a super clear answer, so I would have no doubt. The next few verses, LITERALLY said how there is great evil being done in BETHEL.

    Again call it coincidence, but aside from that.......I feel much more spiritual and knowing NOW then I ever did, since I'm learning so much reading and learning the bible. It's no longer a book where everything is understood, and no longer meetings where the only 'food at the right time' is bout going to more meetings and more service.

    Hope that might help.

  • CandleSurgeon

    My friend, I am an atheist but I feel your pain.

    The WT org tries to control your relationship with "god." While I no longer believe in that entity I respect that you do. If you want to pray then just do so. Pray in whatever manner feels right for you, there are no rules.

    To me the bible and other holy books are simply men trying to define "god" who is in all reality undefinable by man. Don't listen to the rules of men, simply go with your gut and your heart. If you want to pray then just do it, the WT org conditioned you to believe there was one right way to do so. That you needed them to be in the middle. Forge your own relationship on your own terms.

    Good luck in your search for enlightenment.

  • wasblind

    What to do next? "Live this life as if it was golden"

    since the Father has given all power of judgment to the Son, We don't need to live our lives anymore, constantly being critical of others.

    We no longer need to sit around a let this life, pass us by, waiting a new system who's date keep changing, yes, we know there is a time coming when things will get better, but for now don't throw away this life , this God given gift that you have now.

    It's all right to have the feelings that you have, but remember, there are a lot of religions that try to claim God as theirs only, God cannot be contained he's everywhere. No matter where you go he's with you.

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