by iknowall558 16 Replies latest jw friends

  • iknowall558

    Ok... I am out org. 18months. Have 2 children. I have a brother in law who is an uber elder and follows every rule and regulation to the letter. His wife is an active witness and he has two children also. My Mother in Law, who is gran to all of the children, sees them all together on a Friday after school and keeps them for a few hours so they can have some association.....which I absolutely am all for.

    My BIL elder, has stipulated to gran that his children should be nowhere near me or ex hubby, and should under no circumstances be in my house, even to play with my children. I requested the same thing, based on the fact, that I dont want my boys to be around people who treat others badly for whatever reason. I really do not think its a good example for them... I do not want them to become accepting of this.

    However, I have found out that my Mother in Law has been taking my youngest round to their house every week, while waiting for my older son to come out of high school. She has not cracked a light about it... and I feel angry. When she comes to my house with BIL's kids......they are warned to stay in the car.

    Please... am I being petty? Should I just leave it alone? What would you do?

    I would appreciate any advice.

    Thanks in advance.

  • iknowall558

    Forgot to mention that 'gran' is also an active witness.

  • Lozhasleft

    Because of my current perspective in which I have lost all 5 of my adult children to the Org...I wouldnt allow mine anywhere near anyone in it, if I could go back in time....however you have to decide if you want family association for your children and if you do ...what limits do you want on it...and if you do perhaps a calm quiet word with the MIL explaining your reasoning might just sort it ????

    Loz x

    Edited to say....And dont allow anyone to take away or modify your parental rights...they're yours. x

  • cantleave

    I hate to say this, but I know how poerful JW indoctrination can be on very young (and older) minds.

    I would ask that your request is treated with the same import as you that of your brother in law. I guess if you are being petty, that makes me petty too.

  • OnTheWayOut

    It's a shame you have such a situation with BIL, but the simplest thing to do (besides excluding MIL from children) is to debrief your kids when visiting the JW's- find out what was done, what they think about it. Explain to them the truth about "the truth" and why Gran. might try to indoctrinate them and why aunts and uncles and grands are uncomfortable. (They think they are doing what's best for the kids, but the religion is not the best.) Explain it in such a way as to say that "we won't judge them" but we don't want to be as stubborn as them about shunning family and being paranoid about birthdays and holidays. You could probably use simple information such as information on how they have proclaimed Doomsday in the past and it didn't come, and they are proclaiming it again. If you go this route, lighten up on YOUR rules against being with them. They will still have THEIR rules in place, but you want to seem more reasonable and show your kids you trust them to use their brains and family feelings.

  • jamiebowers

    I really, really respect what OTWO has to say, but I respectfully disagree. Kids are like sponges, and they don't always know how to filter what they absorb. If they were my kids, I woudn't let them around any jw without me.

  • nelly136

    what kind of time difference is there between your youngest and oldest coming out of school?

  • AGuest

    Dear IKA... may you have peace!

    May I respond? Thank you! I must respectfully agree with dear OTWO as anything else would simply be replicating THEIR unkind, unloving, hateful, and hypocritical conduct and actions. Do that while decrying them, however, would be pretty much the same kind of hypocrisy they're dishing out, wouldn't it? People the world over often wonder: what does God want us to do? Besides listen to and exercise faith in His Son, He told us, by means of His Prophets. One such Prophet, Isaiah, who received such from God's Word, my Lord, the Holy Spirit and Holy One of Israel, JAHESHUA MISCHAJAH, recorded for us... literally... some of what God wants us to do and your question is answered in what he recorded. I am directed to quote that for you, below. It's written at Isaiah 58:1-12, and I have chosen to use the Message Bible (the greatest of love and peace to you, dear Sylvia!) to do so because I believe you will understand it from that context much better:

    "Tell my people what's wrong with their lives,
    face my family Jacob with their sins!
    They're busy, busy, busy at worship,
    and love studying all about me.
    To all appearances they're a nation of right-living people—
    law-abiding, God-honoring.
    They ask me, 'What's the right thing to do?'
    and love having me on their side.
    But they also complain,
    'Why do we fast and you don't look our way? Why do we humble ourselves and you don't even notice?'
    "Well, here's why:

    "The bottom line on your 'fast days' is profit. You drive your employees much too hard.
    You fast, but at the same time you bicker and fight.
    You fast, but you swing a mean fist.
    The kind of fasting you do
    won't get your prayers off the ground.
    Do you think this is the kind of fast day I'm after:
    a day to show off humility?
    To put on a pious long face
    and parade around solemnly in black?
    Do you call that fasting,
    a fast day that I, God, would like?

    "This is the kind of fast day I'm after: to break the chains of injustice,
    get rid of exploitation in the workplace,
    free the oppressed,
    cancel debts.
    What I'm interested in seeing you do is:
    sharing your food with the hungry,
    inviting the homeless poor into your homes,
    putting clothes on the shivering ill-clad,
    being available to your own families.Do this and the lights will turn on,
    and your lives will turn around at once.
    Your righteousness will pave your way.
    The God of glory will secure your passage.
    when you pray, God will answer.
    You'll call out for help and I'll say, 'Here I am.'

    "Ifyou get rid of unfair practices,
    quit blaming victims,
    quit gossiping about other people's sins,
    If you are generous with the hungry
    and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out,
    Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness,
    your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight.
    I will always show you where to go. I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places
    firm muscles, strong bones.
    You'll be like a well-watered garden,
    a gurgling spring that never runs dry.
    You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew,
    rebuild the foundations from out of your past.
    You'll be known as those who can fix anything,
    restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate,
    make the community livable again."

    The point is made in verse 7 where it states, "being available to your own families." That same verse is rendered the following ways in the following (and most other, particularly the older) Bible versions:

    "... that you should not hide yourself from your own flesh..." (NWT)

    "... not to turn away from your own flesh and blood..." (NIV)

    The more modern versions make it appear as if this verse applies only when your relatives ask/need something from you (which is not the case here), or with whom you have fairly good relations; that in such instances, you should always make yourself available to them. I have learned from my Lord that that interpretation is an error and such limitation is inaccurate.

    To be pleasing to the Most Holy One of Israel, one must NOT put such limitations on His "fast" but instead do what LOVE would do. And love... bears ALL things. So, it is not limited to only those relatives with whom you get along with... or who are asking something of you. Rather, it includes YOUR expression of love... REGARDLESS and, at times, IN SPITE of what such ones are demonstrating to YOU.

    Thus, in this thing, although your chagrin is understandable, you might want to ask yourself: it is truly valid? Is it without hypocrisy? Will you truly teaching YOUR children the "right" way to be? Or will you simply be mirroring the conduct... and hypocrisy... of your BIL? Let me put it this way: will your children TRULY see any difference between what you want to do... and what HE wants to do? Children can smell hypocrisy, dear IKA, from a mile away. Indeed, from 10 miles away, if not more!

    It's one thing to leave the WTBTS, decry their false teachings and hypocrisy, and still have some "baggage." It's another thing altogether, however, to "open" that baggage and toss all of its stench back upon them... as they did/do on you... and call "foul" on them for doing so.

    I hope this helps and, again, I bid you peace.

    A slave of Christ,


  • jamiebowers
    I must respectfully agree with dear OTWO as anything else would simply be replicating THEIR unkind, unloving, hateful, and hypocritical conduct and actions.

    I would agree if this situation didn't involve children. Any "decent" jw is going to consider her scum anyway, so why bother putting her kids at risk? She shoudn't be sending the message to her kids that she is not good enough to have jw relatives in her house, but the jw relatives are safe enough for her kids to be around.

  • OnTheWayOut

    The older boy is in high school. Sooner or later, you have to show them that there is trust that they have the knowledge they need to make wise decisions. I have always been torn on how to handle children, but it's not too dangerous to "expose" older kids as long as they know what they are exposed to.

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