What to Do? What to Do? What to Say?

by whathehadas 18 Replies latest jw experiences

  • whathehadas

    I am inactive and trying to fade as some of you know. Since my family in still in, I've been recieving "We Me you" cards from the Congo I was going to. I have also recieved a few calls from the Congo I move from that's out of the area. Some of them were for invites to gatherings or weddings but now just recently, I recieved a call from my former book study conductor in that area. He talked to my mom and Lord knows what she told him. He was given my cell number and left a message stating " he just had a operation and has cancer'. It's strange in my opinion to call me out of the blue after I haven't seen him in 6 months and never have been getting calls period in the 2 yrs that I've been away from their congo. I don't know what's been going on with the rumors about me, since one of the Messages I recieved were from the CBOE out there thinking "I had moved back and was staying with my cousin". I never returned that call and am debating on whether to return this recent one. I wasn't real close to him even though he was one of the few elders I ever had numerous conversations with about issues concerning my life. I think people in these congos are attached to me because they like my calm and quiet personality. I'm just "DONE" with this religion and don't want to be bothered anymore from these guys. I would rather not D'A but just completely fade away. I just don't know whether to return this recent call regarding this "sick" Brother. What to do? What to Say?

  • whathehadas

    I'm sorry for the misspelling but it was " We Miss You" cards

  • leavingwt

    Avoid all contact with JWs unless you want to be DF'd.

  • serenitynow!

    I agree with leavingwt, don't contact them. Soon enough the calls and letters will stop. Move on with your life. And why is this dude calling leaving you messages about his illness? He's level jumping on your relationship, I would ignore it.

  • changeling

    See the little paper and pencil in the upper right hand corner? You can edit mistakes with that. I use it all the time... :)

    And "leaving" is right, don't meet with them and don't take their calls... stay cool... :)

  • whathehadas

    Thanks LT, SerenityNow and Changeling for your suggestions. It seems cold though to not return the guy's call cause what if he dies soon? Hard not to feel guilty. I don't want to be d'fed right but should I not return the call at all?

  • not a captive
    not a captive

    Yeah--What they don't know won't hurt you.

    If you run into one of them, and they want to know why you don't respond just say"I didn't know what to say."

    If they want more info, you can tell them you STILL don't know what to say.

    Short of driving bamboo under your finger nails, what can they do?

    If they want to come see you, tell them that you have been avoiding contact with people until you feel like having company.

    They can't call the police on you.

    They will leave you alone--or, as one poster did last month


  • cantleave

    Move on, enjoy your life.

  • thraxer68

    Yeah, thats a tough one. Correct me if i'm wrong, on the one hand you want to stay completely away from the religion and anything that has to do with it. On the other, you have a dying man who you want to call back, at least a little, but doing that goes against what you first want and brings added risks, being DF'd. Goodness, to me, not calling him back just seems so cold and inhuman. I would say to give him a call. Its a human life that may possibly end soon no matter what way you look at it. At the very least he's going to be going through a rough time, cancer treatment, may be not being able to get out in service, make meetings etc.... it's gonna be rough on him. You said that he was one that you had numerous conversations with about life issues, how did those go? was he helpful? If not spiritually, it was probably very helpful just to have someone during that time that you could talk to. Not to call him back just seems inhuman. It would be like a witness not calling back a dying relative because they were worldly and I dont think thats right. Your still human and so are they, so is he, even though you're in the particular situation that you are in now. You might be right, they might still be attached to you, why else would he call? You mean something to him, this dying man, at some level. I would call him, who knows what would come of it, but it would be a sad day for you if when he's gone, you were wishing you had called him back. As for the whole DF thing, what do you do? Do you maintain your own personal comfort at the expense of communicating with a man who helped you out at least on some level? From my own P.O.V. you owe him at least a phone call. Let him know that you're sorry for what he's going through and that you wish him the best. This conversation may lead to other things but I guess you gotta weigh your options. Thats just my opinion........

  • Lozhasleft
    It seems cold though to not return the guy's call cause what if he dies soon? Hard not to feel guilty.

    I can understand your mixed feelings here but I agree with the no contact advice...to compromise though and help you feel better what about sending him a card wishing him well with his ill health and use that opportunity to say that you're not up to meeting with any people at present? and you'll contact him if you need to?

    Loz x

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