by teel 27 Replies latest jw friends
It seems to me you have hit empty on the JW's & your marriage its just the way it is now its time to move forward with a plan its not easy. however difficult it may seem right now one day it will be in the past and you'll be fine.
I'm truly sorry but I know you'll be ok. just get a grip and formulate a plan & move toward your future.
So Teel, where are you? I'm not a JW and never have been, but I wanted to join for the very reason you did - a woman.
teel, you're a man after my own heart. I feel like we are in the same situation; however, it's a little uneven. I already got DF'd as a result of my wife turning me in, but our marriage is still alive, though it's taken a serious, serious a**-beating.
An elder called for my wife this weekend and tried to basically guilt me about not being at the meetings since 3 months ago. "You're just giving up on Jehovah, your wife and the baby?" he asked. As if my departure from the religion somehow equates to abandoning my family. I informed him that I didn't think Jehovah had anything to do with what was going on at the KH. He finally asked if I was going to make an effort to come back to the meetings and get reinstated--yes or no, he said, "to cut this conversation short." My response? "I can think of a way to cut this conversation short." [Click] [Dial tone] Hung up on him.
First time I ever did anything like that to an elder. Weird for me. Should be liberating, but I guess the fear/guilt/shame hasn't fully left my life yet.
As for the marriage, I admit that in my case, my wife does seem like a stranger to me. I love her a whole lot, but she's cold towards me no matter what I do for her. She pretty much feels like I'm a stranger, too--yet she made clear not too long ago that, in short, there was no escaping the marriage for me, even if I regretted my decision now. If I was really dead-set on leaving her, what could she do? I'm just sad that she would use that kind of reasoning, which sounds, well, abusive.
But you sound like you've got more guts than me, so you'll make it. It'll be nasty for awhile, but you'll end up better than I have, that's for sure. I wish you the best, as someone who's been there and is still there.
-sd-7
Teel,
You didn't do as bad as all that-, IMO---this IS a rotten time.
Calm yourself with the memory that you did make a core statement of faith to these men whether or not you shouted or lost your temper.
You said that you did not break your promise to Jehovah. You are working hard to keep it.
They are NOT (supposed to be)MASTERS OF YOUR FAITH--but they certainly are not fellow workers for your joy.
Even if we struggle and fall God is able to make us stand .
They may rob your peace for a little while , but not forever. They don't have a clue how faith works--All they have is the mechanics of a messed up religion.
They can't give faith and they can't take it away.
When things are this painful we act crazy sometimes. But don't lose heart over it.
I'll pray for you to find your peace. We all need that.
sd-7 - I know your story, I watched it unfold exactly because I saw parallels between our lives. And let me tell you - I deeply respect you, and truly wish I had your integrity. You did so much for your marriage, your wife should fall before you and worship you (pun intended here).
dgp - I live in Romania (if your question was about geographical location) - not much point fighting to cover my identity now, is it?
not a captive - deep thoughts, thanks
He finally asked if I was going to make an effort to come back to the meetings and get reinstated--yes or no, he said, "to cut this conversation short." My response? "I can think of a way to cut this conversation short." [Click] [Dial tone] Hung up on him.
Way to go buddy. That was great!
Think About It
Well, I thought you'd live elsewhere where I could contact you. There's always PM's.
sd-7 - I know your story, I watched it unfold exactly because I saw parallels between our lives. And let me tell you - I deeply respect you, and truly wish I had your integrity. You did so much for your marriage, your wife should fall before you and worship you (pun intended here).
Gee, thanks. I guess...in a way it's more about honor for me than it is about the love I feel, which seems almost unrequited, as strange as that might sound. I don't know. It's not that she's not a good woman, 'cause she is. There's just a lot involved there. I'm thankful we're still together, but I do think the marriage's days are numbered, no matter what I do. I just figured...at least I get to share this moment with her, if nothing more. Can't worry about the future. Things will work themselves out somehow.
Way to go buddy. That was great!
Thanks. That event was something I wanted to do a thread on, but didn't have the chance to do it today. I'm not proud of being rude to anybody, but it was the same manipulation and disrespect I'd already suffered through on the committee. Our business was concluded sometime ago, so I hardly need anyone confronting me about finished business. He made it so easy, I just said what came to mind first. Like teel, it boils my blood when elders try to, as they say, step to me. So...did what had to be done.
but she's cold towards me no matter what I do for her.
From the JW perspective, It's hard to warm up to a spouse who is on "death row", and the end is so-oo close now that she probably sees no reason to invest any more emotional effort in her marriage. I had the same treatment from my former JW spouse after I exited the KH.- over 20 years ago. And what did she do after she divorced me?- Stopped going to the meetings and then she married a worldly man. She told the elders to butt out when they asked her about dating a worldly man and going to C&W bars. Go figure.
So you yelled at them ...... do you think they deserved it? And no, it doesn't prove them right. weeks months or years from now you might look back and say" No NO I should of said!!!!!!!!!"
