Growing Up With Violence

by compound complex 67 Replies latest social entertainment

  • aligot ripounsous
    aligot ripounsous

    Living in a violent home, whether as a child or a spouse, leaves scars in the form of diffidence and a feeling of insecurity which keeps one from trusting others. Unfortunately, it looks as if it were a self nurturing phenomenon, like alcoholism, whereby someone who once had been the victim of an alcoholic parent may marry an alcoholic mate. Seems to be the same with violence.

  • purplesofa

    May I ask you Purps, had your Moms been raised in a violent home ?

    My Mom was an only child, I have never heard her speak of being abused in her home.

    However, she went to Catholic Schools and said the nuns were very mean and strict.

    I do think the Catholic influence from school had a great effect on her. She was very scared of GOD.

    Her first husband, my father, was abusive to her.

    Oddly enough, As a very small child I cried for my Dad to save me from her beatings. He never laid a hand on me.

    One of my brothers was conceived from a different man than my father while she was still married to him. A secret

    that only recently has been revealed.

    I think the times in which my Mother raised me, beating a child was more accepted, her Catholic upbringing, raising us alone briefly,

    compensating for her SIN, my brother, had allot to do with her "whipping us into shape"

    My Mom is a very selfish person, which i attribute to her being raised an only child.

    I have a very complicated childhood and family to say the least.

    As the years have gone by, I think my mother has some sort of mental illness that

    was never diagnosed.


  • aligot ripounsous
    aligot ripounsous

    Sorry, I had second thoughts and didn't want to be too specific, so I edited my post, thanks anyway for replying.

  • goldensky

    Purplesofa, Palmtree67:

  • palmtree67


    Your mom sounds alot like mine. Mine was also an only child. Your point about being selfish because of that is interesting.

    My mom doesn't say any specifics about being mistreated as a child, more like neglected. Either way, I go back and forth between feeling sorry for her and feeling, there was enough info out there for her to know that how she was raising us was not good.

    Her favourite punishment for a while when we were very young (pre-school age) was to have us strip down to underwear and then walk on our knees through uncooked rice she put down on the kitchen floor.

    My mom is a total attention whore, too. Has to have everyone feeling sorry for her. She's been treated for bi-polar, but sometimes I think her problems are more behavioural.

    I only have one sister (there was 5 of us) who seems to still be racing for her affections against the rest of us. Sometimes, she's racing so hard for mom's attention, she hasn't noticed that the rest of us dropped out of the race a long time ago.....

    ((( purps )))

    PS My parents are both "in good standing" in the congregation......

  • aligot ripounsous
    aligot ripounsous

    beating a child was more accepted, her Catholic upbringing...

    the film that won the Palme d'Or at the 2009 festival de Cannes, the White Ribbon by Michael Haneke, aims at showing, according to some critics, how the strict, and even brutal protestant way of raising children in pre-1914 northern Germany has spawned a violent generation, the one which supported nazism a few years later. So, let's be fair with catholicism, I was a catholic for 30 years, did spank my children moderately and they don't seem to resent, as far as I know.

  • snowbird

    At PalmTree.

    These are some horror stories!



    Hi CoCo,

    I'm so sorry to hear that the kind man we know to be CoCo was violently abused as a child. Your descriptions are soooo visual! So wonderful to read your writings, CoCo. Thanks for sharing with us.

    I, too, was a victim of violence while growing up---by my big bully father who drank. Yet, he was a Jehovah's Witness in good standing.

    Writing about the experiences is a process that I find very healing. I have a 350-page autobiographical manuscript of my life. It's not finished yet. Still needs polishing.

    PSacramento wrote:

    only thing that breaks the circle of hate and violence is Love.

    Thanks for sharing those words. After years and years of therapy, I know these words are true, that violence begets violence, and the only way to heal the violence is with love.

    Love to all who suffered this way


  • PSacramento
    Thanks for sharing those words. After years and years of therapy, I know these words are true, that violence begets violence, and the only way to heal the violence is with love.

    Having witnessed first hand the difference in two peoples lives, one that forgave her attacker and one that didn't ( same attacker), I saw the reality and power of forgiveness.

    Forgiveness is a gift we give OURSELVES, it allows us to remove the burden and get on with our lives, it allows us to love and be loved.

    Not forgiving and carrying that burden around is carrying what caused that pain around and having IT control and dominate your life.

  • not a captive
    not a captive

    Dear CoCo,

    I just read through this entire thread.There are two things that are overwhelming: the violence against children who have adoring love ready for the people who just don't see them or their love. The other overwhelming thing is the survivors have to recover that unconditional love to find healing--and you each seemed to do it--without bitterness. My husband didn't find that healing for many years.

    He was raised in foster care. He and his little brother were put on a dairy farm. But nobody loved these little boys. One was 6 and the other was 4. They had chores for them inside and out. This was seventy years ago. But even where kids get spankings ,the neighbors don't like to see abuse. There was a lot of abuse--of all sorts.

    My husband says that in his case he made a good head overcome a bad heart. I feel bad when he has said that. I asked him what it means--He says that he has to make himself act better than he feels. But I think that doesn't work so well. I think that love has to heal your heart.

    Sometimes it seems like it is like he can't receive love very well. Its like it rolls off of him. He is 77 years old and we have had seven children together. But it has been crazy alot of the time. I joke about our lives, our eccentricities--nothing is a problem for a family if there is healthy love in it. That has been a struggle for us.

    Finally my husband and I are having a deep, happy reconciliation. And, yes, some of my children have had to get counseling over the years. For a while I got counseling too.

    I must say that leaving behind the rigid and unhealthy life in the WT and dealing as honestly and lovingly as I can with my husband ,remembering the brutal and confusing childhood he went through, helped me not give up on all of us healing together.

    I thank God daily that am free and I can give God and my family the full love and affection without the guilt of always doing the"wrong thing".

    I love you guys.

    Thanks for you quiet little corner conversations, CoCo. I'm learning that there is a lot in your modest posts.

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