Ah Yes I can remember it like yesterday (1978), The Blue Truth Book, being shown the Generation that would not pass away until Armageddon came. I better take in all this knowledge while I have time left after all you're 30 years old and "That Generation is getting old" So I started to study and liked the idea of No Hell, Paradise Earth (look right here in the scriptures shows meek will inherit the earth, plan as day) Look the dead are not conscious of anything when they die, Ecclesiates 9:5 says it plain as day (never thought to look at what the book of Ecclesiates was really about or from who's viewpoint) Ah yes and to learn God had a name in Psalms 83:18 there it was Gosh why didnt other religions see that (I just didnt know really how many names God did have).
How I pressed on to be constantly reinforced how short the time was, praying that my husband would humble himself and come "in to the truth" I just knew before the end came God would touch his heart, after all he always went to the Memorial with me and my baptism in 1980, there was hope. All those years keeping busy, reading the literature, field service, Aux pioneer, work,work,work for the Kingdom. But I was not pushy like some, I just showed my message at the door and did my bible studies, felt it was God that would change the hearts not demands or pushing from me. Some told me I was too easy on my bible studies, taking too long to let the change take place in their hearts, but I didnt care what they said.
I worked full time and had worldy friends at work, kept in touch with a few old friend from time to time. Yes I was told by the literature not to do these things but I didnt agree and felt it was just a little too much from the Society, but kept that thought to myself. Daniel book study was the start of seeds of doubt in the back of my mind, especially the page showing scripture applied to the society, I almost laughed out loud, thinking it was just some in the writing department have delusions of grandeur. Some of the elders where just imperfect men and brothers that worked without licenses and rented out rooms without zoning, well that was how it is done around here, they are helping out other brother to work, no worries, its okay to look the other way. Hmmmmm
1995 Generation Change was hard to swallow, I prayed about it just like the literature said, okay I can kinda see why the change, back to work, back to reading, studying for meetings, field service and before ya know it I wasnt thinking about it anymore. Leave it in God's hands just keep trying to do good and hoping family members will come to accurate knowledge. Out in field service came across a young woman at the door, she was so sweet and just full of Christ, the love she express for God and his son almost took my breath away. As I walked back to the car I asked my fellow sister, Why dont I feel such love for God and his Son as I truly felt coming from that young woman. Hmmmmmmmmm
2004 Assembly, a young woman I had started study with year before in the business terriroty and another sister finished it when she moved to another territory, She had gotten baptized that assembly. I listened to the final speaker summing up the assembly when he proudly announced that if Armageddon came that day there would be only XXXX (number of JW in our state) alive. I sat there truly stunned as if I had been slapped in the face. He is saying my wonderful husband, my son, my grandsons, my sister, mother, father ALL DEAD...ISNT THAT WONDERFUL. No way should he have said that... I never said anything to anyone and I started to research first with the WT CD and Proclaimers Book, YES there it was plain as day, Gosh why had I forgot what I had read, YEP only members of God's sole channel will survive, but surely God would open the door towards the end of time, NOPE old Questions from Readers said No Way Jose', you gotta come in right now to be saved. Then all hell broke loose in my world, I was preparing for another bible study I had to discuss the 607 and 1914 connection in Knowledge Book. Yes I know you are not suppose to use other material than WT, but I felt it would help her to see a timeline and found this simple book on timelines of world history at Borders & Books. Funny thing that same week on theHistory Channel about Jerusalem and it stated 586/687 for the fall of Jerusalem, Boy did someone get that wrong!!! Why I will just take that book I bought and double check that error, Opps, what the XXXX it says 586/587, how could that be??? Back to WT CD found old (1955??) article very small notation that secular says 586/587 but bible states 607???? Hmmmmmmmmmmmm
Thank God (and All His Names) for the internet. So I started my research and my world forever changed. Long story short, after first feeling like a woman who's husband cheated on her lying all along, I cried, I screamed and I was angry (okay still am a little) but my world opened and the love for people just increased and increased. Old friends came back into my life, old JW friends I sought out and found out had also left or faded. The greatest fear was my Mother In Law (a JW) when I told her of my discovery and knowing this was not God's Channel, she looked at me and she said:"I am so glad you told me because you know for a long time I have been wondering about some things" and thus started our journey together out of the religion as faders. She is eldery and not well and yes the Bros and Sisters eventually stopped coming around when she started to discuss whats on her mind. It is her non witness family and neighbors who take care of her being in her 80's, (we live far away from her) but she is happy in her Pesonal Relationship with God. So we still have our spiritual discussion but just not from the WT viewpoint.
Some ask me why I keep up on the organization teaching and I just remind them that I want to be able to have an answer or questions if I come across a JW that starts talking with me and just maybe one by one the scales may fall from their eyes and their hearts may open to a love for all God's creature by the Grace of God and not (their) his Undeserved Kindness.
Sorry I got carried away but boy I feel better, so you see, never give up hope that the ones you care about that are trapped by this cult may just one day see the light. I know this change will have some silently wondering WTF, but unfortunately many will just lap it up and continue thinking the Big A is just around the corner (and all their troubles will be over), amazing as that is. I know my leaving also opened doors for others to question themselves and fade as well.
