Help Please - Wife Misses Friends, Wants to return to KH (page 2)

lepermessiah

I worry because its always going to be conditional.

Soon, she wont be attending "enough" meetings for those so called friends, and she will be "bad association".

She wont be out in the ministry, or if she does, it wont be enough, and she will be "bad association".

I went through a similar period where I thought "something is better than nothing" so I should just stick it out.

I missed a lot of the people, but then I started to think about my actual TRUE friends. I have kept in touch with them throughout my fade. I can count them on one hand.I am starting to build new friendships, but it takes time, especially once your guard is on high-alert.

I think this is a part of the process that a lot of us go through. I would really ask her what she wants out of it, because it sounds like she might be postponing the inevitible. I think going back and reconnecting will make things a lot worse for her.......

undercover

But her KH "friends" won't associate with her unless she goes to meetings so she's wanting to go to a few meetings a month to keep them appeased and renew associations.

Here's one strategy... it kinda hurts but it might jolt her to realizing that these aren't true friends:

Encourage her to throw a dinner party for her bestest dub friends. Not a casual picnic...a full on proper dinner party. Send out invites to each person/couple and prepare the meal/drinks/dessert to accomodate this large gathering. Plan it far enough out that it's not too easy to claim other plans...make sure it doesn't conflict with meetings/assemblies/conventions or CO visits.

Then sit back and see how many decline or fail to show. Her feelings might be hurt to see her "friends" blow off her attempt at doing something special for them, but it might be the push to show her how shallow they are and that she deserves better friends than that.

Mad Sweeney

Thanks so much for all your advice and support.

I don't want to oppose her return to a meeting or two very strongly because in Dub-speak opposition=Satan. But I don't want to encourage it, either.

Titus and Blondie, you are both correct actually. We have been forming new friendships since leaving but those friendships take time to become established, and they just aren't strong yet. It would have been better if we could have faded for a time while building those outside relationhips but circumstances made a cold turkey quit necessary. The outside friendships, though in-progress, just aren't at the level our Dub friendships used to be yet. And with summer and swimming/cookout season coming on, I think my wife just misses those sorts of activities.

I can't stop her and I won't. I just hope she sees through their BS and drops it again after a few meetings. Having to pretend may be what brings her back out, as you say, mentallyfree. Hope so.

Olin Moyles Ghost

I agree that opposing her return to some meetings would be counter-productive. That being said, you may want to lay the groundwork with her for what she should expect.

We all know that going to a couple meetings per month is not enough "activity" to be viewed as "good association" in the congregation. I don't know your wife's friends, but if they're like most JWs, they will do things like invite her out in service in order to help "re-activate" her. You may want to prepare her for this.

If she declines too many such invitations, she will likely realize that a couple of meetings per month won't be enough to keep her friends. Also, she may be put in situations where she feels forced to explain why she doesn't want to go out in service, or why she can't make it to the Thursday night meeting, etc. If she wants to avoid getting DF'd, she'll need to be careful with her answers.

Also, she'll want to think long-term. Does she want to be faking her way through a few meetings 5 years from now, 10 years from now, 20 years from now?

Black Sheep

As long as she fully understands that the WT was not selected by God, she will be OK.

.... but if there are any doubts ............. ??????

Be careful

Chris

happy1975

My husband went through this a bit. I just made it clear to him that I had no intention of going back like, EVER but that I didn't care either way what he decided to do. I think in his case it was more of a thinking out loud or 'what if....' type of thing. He never acted on it and events have happened since then that I'm confident turned him off forever.

BTW Mad Sweeney, I love your avatar, I know you didn't pick it but it's my fav of all the monsters!!

Good luck and hang in there.

-Happy

changeling

Tell her you understand and don't stand in her way. Then be there to pick up the pieces when she comes home drained from listeing to the drivel delivered at the meeting or hurt by the funny looks she'll get. Try not to say "I told you so".

I also like undercover's idea... :)

OUTLAW

MadSweeny..

This is a problem that will take care of itself..

JW`s are notorious for shooting themselves in the ass..

Support her decision to associate with who ever she wants..

...................... ...OUTLAW

NiceDream

I agree with changeling. Empathizing with her and being supportive will show that you are a loving husband, and aren't "bad" or "persecuting" her now that you aren't a JW.

Hopefully she'll get annoyed when her "friends" keep asking her to go out on field service, or become disheartened when she realizes how fake and gossipy her "friends" really are.

One of my JW friend lamented how she really wants a job, but she won't get one because the "end is SO near." I would rather have no friends than friends like that.

not a captive

It is tough. But Just be sure that she doesn't have absolutely NO other friends or exposure to really good stuff outside the JW friends. She does need real interaction--An art class for the two of you? An involvement that would incidently engage her and involve being around other interesting folks?

Hoping for the best.

Help Please - Wife Misses Friends, Wants to return to KH

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