I just wanted to introduce myself. My name is Chris and I'm on my way out of the only "society" I've known.
I was raised a witness and have been a ministerial servant for a while now. I recently notified the elder body that I will be stepping down and it will soon be official. My entire family is deeply involved with the organization. My hope is that I can fade away without being disfellowshipped so that they won't completely cut me off. It is hard for me, as it is for all others in this situation. The funny part is, as I was growing up.... most of my family weren't witnesses. Over the years, almost all of them have been baptized now. They are the sort of good intentioned / innocent people that will accept what they are told if given what seems to be a good explanation. Unfortunately, they are not the kind to question why... I am that person.
I've lived a few hours from the place I call home for a few years now. My journey of asking why has led me to the point of knowing with 100% certainty that this is in no way "the truth." My family will never hear me out. I once tried to explain the situation to my brother, who I would consider as my best friend, and he looked at me like I was satan. When I provided perfectly valid reasoning of why this isn't the truth, he just came back with the canned answers that we are fed constantly from one meeting to the next with no scriptual or logical proof to back it up. The rest of my family is just the same...
So that is where I stand. I am 28 years old. My family has no idea of where I am at mentally or emotionally. I have to pretend that I am something and somebody that I'm not. Is it worth it? I'm not sure... but for now, I don't feel like I have any other choice. I try to keep it together for my wife, since she is always leaning on me for strength and for answers... She too sees that this is not the truth that we always thought it was.
It's hard speaking to anyone else who hasn't been a witnees about this stuff, because they just look at you like you were stupid for being in some crazy cult or something. So I thought I would sign up on this forum, and just put it out there... It's nice having a group of people who've been where I'm at now. It's nice to say how I actually feel. It's a release if nothing else.....
OK. Thats the end of my rant. Hope to meet some of you soon.
