If you felt/feel that you had/have good, close "friends" in the org, how did/does it feel to just give them up?

by Crisis of Conscience 83 Replies latest jw friends

  • exwhyzee
    exwhyzee

    Our young adult son was DF'd after he went to the elders about a matter. Although he was repentant, because he hadn't gone right away, they said they were obligated to disfellowship him. We were shocked, we felt sure he wouldn't even be publicaly reproved. We just sort of went with the flow uncomplainingly because after all he was in the wrong. A few months later, he was diagnosed with Cancer. We took care of him through his Surgery and Chemo sessions. Because he was staying with us, none of our friends or relatives would come to visit. A couple of his friends came to see him on the sly. The only ones who offered us any help were his and our nonwitness co workers. Not even his only grandmother, a regular pioneer, came to see him. Not once did an Elder call or inquire about how my wife and I were holding up. It was as if he didn't exist. I really beleive they were ashamed of themselves and were quite unprepared to deal with the possibility of a person they Disfellowsipped dying on them.

    We realized that if the worst happened and he didn't recover, we would be alone to bury our Son. What a lonley bleak realization that was. Here was our handsome son...the kind of decent young man anyone would be proud to have as their own, being treated like an utter criminal. We sat through a few meetings after all of his hair fell out, but it was too difficult to see him sitting there sick and bald, being shunned by a building full of people he had known since he was a baby.

    Starting over from scratch is really hard in regard to meeting new people. I haven't had to develop the ability to procure new friends as there was already a ready supply of them at the KH. You automatically knew what everyone believed, what they would or would not do, what they did on the weekends and on meeting nights their lifestyle etc. The rest was a matter of finding personality traits that clicked with yours. But looking back, there was always a "Stepford Wives" feeling present. Like people were going trough the motions somewhat. Like the others have said, once you don't fit the ideal image, you soon find out that much of the warmth and love you felt for your old friends may have been imaginary. We came to realize that we had probably been projecting our own warm loyal feelings onto our friends and family, thinking that they felt the same and would be there for us no matter what.

  • scottmedeiros
    scottmedeiros

    This is my biggest dilema. Although mentally I really feel I could walk away from the org right now, I still have genuine love for the people I have come to know over the years. I love people!

    Crisis of Conciece: I feel the same as you, I love people, I also would lose some family in the truth, wife thinks I'm crazy. And I do fear beaing alone because Im a people person.

    And yes I do realize that if they find out I have become "weak", most will, if not all, abandon our conditional friendship. So I have been keeping up a great act. But this feels like the only thing holding me in the org.

  • EmptyInside
    EmptyInside

    exwhyzee-Your experience is truly heartbreaking. I'm so sorry you and your family had to deal with that.

    I've thought about this myself. And, even though, I was raised in the truth, for the most part, I have always been lonely. I had close friends when I was younger. And they all left before me. I found many of my new friends just never made too much effort to keep in touch, just because we went to different halls, just like Blondie mentioned. And once in awhile, I'm still invited out with some from my congregation. But, I find I can't relate to them anymore. So, the thought of totally being cut out of my few Witness friends and family members lives hurts, but nothing would change too much, as I hardly see them all now anyway.

  • peacedog
    peacedog

    Does the realization that they weren't/aren't actually good close friends negate the difficulty in losing them? Sure did for me....

  • Crisis of Conscience
    Crisis of Conscience

    Nice to see this thread responded to again. I CONSTANTLY think about this. I know a lot of people in my circuit and even district. The conditional thing crosses my mind also.

    But the thing is that I get along with pretty much anybody. That's why I love people. And I have known many of these people, JW's, since I was a kid.

    It is a battle, a real battle, a mental battle.

    After the convention, I found myself asking, do I really want to lose all these people? The honest answer, I'm not ready for it right now. I guess I have to keep putting up an act because my heart is definitely not a JW anymore. Hang in there everyone, even new guys here like scottmedeiros (Welcome!!).

    CoC

  • smiddy
    smiddy

    My wife and I, and children ,went through this same situation,but is freindship conditional ? or is it a two way street,the people we thought( ,while we were in it),were freinds wern`t their when the chips were down, so ,they proved they were not freinds,just associates,acquaintances, during 33 years.of service

    THEIR LOSS NOT OURS

    smiddy

  • Dark Side
    Dark Side

    It's a fucking band-aid. Rip it off quick.

    It hurts. You'll get over it.

    There will always be a scar. Consider it a badge of victory

  • exwhyzee
    exwhyzee

    Most of the problem lies with the ones who are still "in". They how flimsy the thread that holds them there is. It's not that you have changed, it's their fear of their own weakness that makes them afraid to be around you unless you keep up the pretense that you both know is there.

    I have always been a dog owner....now that I don't have one...I feel a void. Does this mean that I can never feel whole again until I get another dog ? Or should I wait a while and see if I adjust? I still like dogs but I must admit...life is a lot easier not having to deal with a pet.

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite

    CoC,

    I went through similar feelings for a long time. As events transpired, I found that I was eventually able to distinguish the "wheat" from the "weeds" as far as any continued friendship was concerned among the "friends". And I've reconnected with some old "worldly acquaintances" and made some new friends at work. After I went to the convention this summer, I found myself asking myself, "self, do we really want to spend the next 40 years with these conditional friends, proclaiming the end is near, and wasting weekends as Watchtower Corp slaves?" Nah, it ain't much longer for me.

    There are plenty of other people out there to be friends with. Speaking of "acting", remember the episode of The Simpsons where Marge starred as Stella in the musical production of Streetcar Named Desire, the big finale was the song "A Stranger's Just a Friend You Haven't Met". Okay, some strangers are stranger than others, but my point is that there are lots of interesting, good people to meet and new friendships to be built.

    If you're not in a hurry to dump your JW friends, it's no big deal. It's not like the end is coming really soon and Jehovah will destroy you if you haven't gone 100% flaming apostate by now.

  • Lozhasleft
    Lozhasleft

    One family in particular ...I knew them before the 'truth' ...its broken my heart and theirs....

    Loz x

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