by Crisis of Conscience 83 Replies latest jw friends
It wasn't hard for me to leave those "friends"; they were part of a world I wanted nothing more to do with and they were instructed to avoid me upon my decision to leave. I left relatively early (in my teens) and the few friends I had there were rather dysfunctional anyways.
So I said "F#$@ 'em" and made better ones.
If you felt/feel that you had/have good, close "friends" in the org, how did/does it feel to just give them up?
It feels awful. I gave up dozens of really good friends, all over the U.S. and in a few other countries (UK, Finland, Mexico, Brazil, Ireland).
We all must accept our limitations, confront reality and move forward, making the best decisions that we can.
If your happiness rests on whether or not another person "likes" you, you'll never be happy, IMHO.
Once your no longer a Member,of the "WBT$ JW Nutty Club"..
"WBT$ JW Nuts" will reject you..
............................. ...OUTLAW
Yea a few I was happy to leave behind. The rest left me
I take the view that I haven't given up these friendships but I am in a different place mentally and the friendships will not work as they once did. I am still there for them if they need me but I choose not to impose on their friendships.
I imagine that I have moved without actually moving house and have to build new relationships in a new area and have started making friends in the community. What this has taught me is that people are generally open to new friendships. Some people are desperately in need of a true friend, they are away from friends and family and need support. I have seen the importance of being a friend to others.
I miss my JW friends but not enough to compromise myself or my children. They know where to find me.
My child was molested by a fellow JW.
When we weren't willing to Just Get Over the way we were treated and the lack of love shown to us and get back to meetings We realized how we really didn't have any good, close friends in the Org. The friendships were only conditional on us attending meetings.
Now we all are making new friends that could care less what we do with our time or how we worship. I'm not saying it has been easy, but it's getting there. I could never go back and trust the kind of love that they give after what we went through..never.
I have been corresponding recently with a friend who is disfellowshipped. His mom spoke to me of his discontent with the organization. Little did she know that she was doing me a favor by letting me know that.
I had already contemplated talking with him and getting his viewpoint. The following is what I wrote to him, in part, about losing friends but realizing that they are conditional to their beliefs.
Believe me XXXXXXX, I am well aware of what I stand to loose if I leave or am forced out of the organization. I feel the exact same way you do. Most of everyone/everything I care for is wrapped up in this thing. I WILL lose A LOT! Not to mention the fact that I have devoted over 20 years of my life to this. I guess what I am trying to temper this situation with is if I will really lose anything since in fact we have all been taught to be conditional people. If people have judged you as weak without even offering you an opportunity, they are conditional friends. That is why I am reaching out now. I have recently contacted a few of my disfellowshipped friends via the evil FB. LOL
I feel I need to prepare in case things go sour.
The following was his response to me.
I have about 10 or 12 "friends" who I still talk to and are still in the organization. They're not necessarily "two-faced" but just disagree that friendships are conditional. You're absolutely right.. real friends don't put conditions on how they should feel or act towards the people they care about. Having a group of imperfect men telling who you should or should not associate with is just outright messed up. You're right when you said, "if I will really lose anything since in fact we have all been taught to be conditional people." I sifted through the same mentality you're experiencing now asking myself, "did I really lose anything or did I just lose the 'illusion' of having lost anything?" A few years later, I don't even bother thinking about it anymore.
It's pretty eye-opening hearing this directly from someone I know who is now on the "outside." But its really helping me to prepare to be abandoned if I should leave the org. I feel like I'm ready but the thought, admittedly, is a difficult one.
CoC
i am a survivor, i will die if i lose that "conditional love".
Very painful to lose relationships that were so close for so long.
Yet liberating to be left with people who are your friends, no matter what.
PP
It hurt a bit to leave it/them all behind but such as life goes. I was young anyways.
