10 Things you'll never hear a man say....

by LB 11 Replies latest social humour

  • LB

    1>Sex is overrated.

    2>I don't want to go too far on the first date.

    3>Yes, I did notice your sister's breasts are bigger than yours.

    4>There is nothing I like better than crawling into bed with a good book.

    5>I'm glad I don't have a large penis.

    6>My hips are too big.

    7>Aw, can't we watch Oprah?

    8>Does this suit make me look fat?

    9>I'll never get tired listening to Celine Dion.

    10>Let's watch Lifetime!

    Never Squat With Yer Spurs On

  • cellomould

    Hey LB,

    let me join you in that HOT water!
    he he he

    About the first one: 'Sex is overrated'

    How many ladies really think that the man enjoys sex more than the woman?

    I mean, do men get more pleasure out of sex? (I know they tend to get excited more BEFORE sex)

    I am of the inclination that women stand to enjoy it much more; correct me if I am wrong.


    "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." Edmund Burke

  • ashitaka

    "Honey, not right now, I have to go make dinner before I get my nails done."

  • ladonna

    OK LB

    All's fair in.......

    Things Women Never Say

    You know, I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't blame you for ignoring me.

    That was fun, when will all of your friends be over to watch pornos again?

    I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class.

    The new girl in my office is a stripper; I invited her over for dinner on Friday.

    While you were in the bathroom, they went for it on fourth down and missed. If they can hold them to a field goal they'll still cover.

    Bar food again? Kick ass!

    It's only the third quarter; you should order a couple more pitchers.

    That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am. Cool, I'm gonna go over and talk to her.

    I love hearing stories about your old girlfriends, tell me more.

    I like using this new lawn mower so much more than the old one, what a wonderful Valentine's Day!

    Let's just leave the toilet seat up at all times, then you don't have to mess with it anymore.

    You passed out before brushing your teeth again, ya big silly.

    Honey, come here! Watch me do a Tequila Shot off of Stephanie's bare ass!

    I'm so happy with my new hairstyle, I don't think I'll ever change it again.

    Damn! I love it when my pillow smells like your cigars and scotch.

    You are so much smarter than my father.

    If we're not going to have sex, then you have to let me watch SportsCenter.

    Honey, pull my finger!


    Manners require time, and nothing is more vulgar than haste.
    —Ralph Waldo Emerson

  • ladonna

    And No Woman will ever die from a Viagra overdose


  • teejay

    Funny, LB!

    How about:

    11> <at the grocery store> Ummm, excuse me... where do you keep your Kotex?

  • COMF


    His new girlfriend is thinner and better-looking than I am. I'm so happy for them both.

    He earned more than I do, so I broke up with him.

    I'm sick of dating doctors and lawyers! Give me a good old-fashioned truck driver any day.

    We're redecorating the bedroom, and he keeps bugging me to help him with the color choices.

    He talks our relationship to death. It's making me crazy!

    Why can't I find a guy who'll have a wild carefree night of sex and then just go his separate way for once?

    I just realized -- my butt doesn't look fat in this -- my butt IS fat!

    Let's skip that sale, I really don't need anything anyway.

    What do you mean, today's our anniversary?

    Can we not talk to each other tonight? I'd rather just watch TV.

    Ohhhhhh, this diamond is wayyyyyyyyy tooooooo big!

    Aww, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how to get there.

    I don't care if it's on sale, $300 is way too much for a designer dress.

    Whoa, get a whiff of that one!

  • WildHorses

    And you will never hear a man admit he has a small penis.

    I don't want someone in my life I can live with. I want someone in my life I can't live without.
  • wonderwoman77

    Too funny everyone...but cello I am not sure, I think men may enjoy sex more sometimes, I think women enjoy foreplay more. And it depends on the sex and the guy and if he is in it for himself or for both him and his woman....

  • LB


    Never Squat With Yer Spurs On

Share this