My last talk as a JW

by Hmmm 14 Replies latest jw friends

  • Hmmm

    Diamond's thread inspired this idea... At least, this is how I wish my last talk had gone.

    Next on the school is brother Hmmm. His talk is based on the Song of Solomon, and his theme is: "Be steadfast and faithful, like the Shulamite Maiden.

    "Throughout history, Babylon the Great, the world empire of false religion, has fornicated with the scarlet-colored wild beast. They have traded support for the League of Nations--and it's successor the United Nations--for political clout and expediency in furthering their selfish goals. Contrast this with God's faithful followers, who would NEVER compromise themselves to appease modern political authorities. Such faithful followers of God can be likened to the Shulamite Maiden... blah blah blah... Let's open our Bibles to... blah blah blah"

    [Average JW sister in audience: Wow, what a great talk. Brother Hmmm is drawing a comparison between the Shulamite Maiden's faithfulness and the faithlessness of Babylon the Great...
    Average JW brother in audience: Wow, Sister Loose is wearing a nice dress tonight. I can see her panty line...
    School Overseer: ... I can see her panty li... wait, this subject sounds vaguely familiar, maybe I should pay attention...]

    "If questioned by God, religions that make up Babylon the Great would excuse their complicity with the UN, saying it was only for some minor privilege, and was really no big deal..."

    [School Overseer starts getting nervous]

    "Well friends, the Watchtower Society was secretly affiliated with the UN for ten years, agreeing to uphold the charter and ideals of the UN in exchange for access to the UN library--"a library card." If I were to join the KKK--but "only to gain access to their tennis courts"--the elders wouldn't accept that explanation. They would call it a blatant compromise and I would be bounced out of here faster than this brother is trying to get to the stage to silence me. It is for this reason that I can no longer associate with an organization that shows the faithfulness of a cheap whor... uh, [tap tap tap] is this thing on?"


  • LB

    Very funny, I could picture that talk clearly. I wonder if anyone's given such a talk before and what the actual results were.

    Never Squat With Yer Spurs On

  • Reborn2002


    Excellent! If only some people were so brave as to do this when they realize they want no part of the Collective.

    Here in Chicago I heard a rumor once that a teenager near my community was getting disfellowshipped for sex and his best friend decided he didnt want to be a Witness anymore either. They orchestrated a very grand exit. The soon-to-be dissed teen sat in the front row for the evening, and conveniently his friend was in charge of the sound system (i.e. playing Kingdom Melodies tapes, etc)

    and after the Service Meeting for concluding song when they made the announcement the buddy teen played

    "Bout It Bout It" by Master P which is a rap song laden with profanity about basically not giving a fu<k and the kid just announced for being dissed proceeded to stand up, hold his hands up like he hit a field goal and dance out of the hall with his friend as the horrified elders scrambled for the audio.

    I dont know if its true or not, but its funny as hell.

    I for one hope it happened.

    The true Kingdom of God is located in your heart, not an organization of hypocrites. for my new webpage and info!! Im trying to live now!!

  • DIM

    i wish i had the guts to do something like that.

    i'm sick and tired of hearing things from uptight-short-sighted-narrow minded hypocritics. all i want is the truth just gimme some truth - John Lennon



  • Billygoat

    That talk would definitely go down in the history books! If any active brother on this board does this as their final exit...can you make sure to tape that talk? ((((()))))


  • AlanF

    Hmmm, hmmm good! Love that thing about the KKK and tennis courts.


  • moman

    Hmmm, very clever! The sad reality however,iz that you can say anything to a BRAINWASHED person & they won't hear you, thats THE BEAUTY OF IT!
    "You can knock on a deaf mans door forever", Zorba

  • razorMind
    ...and after the Service Meeting for concluding song when they made the announcement the buddy teen played

    "Bout It Bout It" by Master P which is a rap song laden with profanity about basically not giving a fu<k...

    Okay, tears of laughter rolling down my face at this one. I really hope this rumor is true. The thought of Master P blasting through the speakers of a KH.....

    Must keep this away from my DF'd sister-she likes to do things like this.

  • unclebruce

    tap, tap, tap ... is this thing on?

    between hmmm and reborn2002 i'm LMAO! ..


    PS: you make me wanna go back for one last talk.

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