Diamond's thread inspired this idea... At least, this is how I wish my last talk had gone.
Next on the school is brother Hmmm. His talk is based on the Song of Solomon, and his theme is: "Be steadfast and faithful, like the Shulamite Maiden.
"Throughout history, Babylon the Great, the world empire of false religion, has fornicated with the scarlet-colored wild beast. They have traded support for the League of Nations--and it's successor the United Nations--for political clout and expediency in furthering their selfish goals. Contrast this with God's faithful followers, who would NEVER compromise themselves to appease modern political authorities. Such faithful followers of God can be likened to the Shulamite Maiden... blah blah blah... Let's open our Bibles to... blah blah blah"
[Average JW sister in audience: Wow, what a great talk. Brother Hmmm is drawing a comparison between the Shulamite Maiden's faithfulness and the faithlessness of Babylon the Great...
Average JW brother in audience: Wow, Sister Loose is wearing a nice dress tonight. I can see her panty line...
School Overseer: ... I can see her panty li... wait, this subject sounds vaguely familiar, maybe I should pay attention...]
"If questioned by God, religions that make up Babylon the Great would excuse their complicity with the UN, saying it was only for some minor privilege, and was really no big deal..."
[School Overseer starts getting nervous]
"Well friends, the Watchtower Society was secretly affiliated with the UN for ten years, agreeing to uphold the charter and ideals of the UN in exchange for access to the UN library--"a library card." If I were to join the KKK--but "only to gain access to their tennis courts"--the elders wouldn't accept that explanation. They would call it a blatant compromise and I would be bounced out of here faster than this brother is trying to get to the stage to silence me. It is for this reason that I can no longer associate with an organization that shows the faithfulness of a cheap whor... uh, [tap tap tap] is this thing on?"